The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible
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PRACTICE SESSION DRAMAS
QUESTION: Even after a practice set, the first thing my Dad asks is, “Did you win?”
Frank: I must say, parents being too outcome oriented is the number one stressor that talented juniors report. This seemingly simple question, did you win, is sure to grow only one thing…the athlete’s performance anxieties. From your child’s perspective, this is seen as an interrogation. Asking such a question stems from the mindset of uneducated, old schooled tennis parents.
“Champions are performance oriented, not outcome oriented.”
The majority of the very best professionals on the planet only win a handful of tournaments each year. That means that even they go home a loser most weeks. They seek improvement, effort and playing at their optimal performance level over stressing about having to win every day. In sunny Southern California, a typical girls 14’s designated open tournament may have as many as 250 participants. Only one player goes home the winner and two hundred forty nine go home losers. Yes, everyone’s primary objective is to win. Parents have to lead the way in focusing on performance goals. The players who can focus on the process are controlling the controllables versus worrying about issues out of their control.
“Control the controllables and let the uncontrollables go.”
It’s important to note that children aren’t born naturally obsessing about the outcome of a tennis match. It’s a learned behavior. The parental job is to shift this behavioral focus. Remember the previous question regarding the old school parent that didn’t want their child to smile and laugh? The same performance anxieties are magnified by a parent who only cares about winning. It’s the parent’s primary role to DE-STRESS their athlete. By injecting worry and fear into every practice session, an ill-informed parent adds stress that ultimately increases muscle contractions, decreases fluid movement, impairs judgment and reduces the athlete’s problem solving performance skills. Athletes improve at a quicker rate in a calm relaxed mental state.
“Neurological studies prove that worrying about the need to always win sabotages any real chance of reaching peak performance.”
Parents and coaches interested in maximizing potential at a quicker rate and dramatically increasing the family’s enjoyment, should flip the question, “Did you win?’ with more constructive statements like: “You inspire me; I wish I could have been able to watch you today.”, “How do you feel you played?”, “Did you hit your performance goals?”, “Did you have fun?”, “Would you like me to go over your match logs with you?”, “Is there anything I can do to help you achieve your tennis goals?”
