The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible
Available through most online retailers!
Avoiding Character Building
Guess who an angry emotional train wreck was as a junior competitor? If you said Andre Agassi, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, and even the iceman Bjorn Borg, then you’re right! Moral excellence is a maturing process. Everyone can compete in a relaxed, happy state, but not everyone chooses to do so. Let’s cover that again. Everyone can compete in a relaxed, happy state, but not everyone chooses to do so!
Often negative behavior has been motor programmed into the player’s routine. It is a comfortable, dirty, old habit. The development of character lies in the ability to first learn to be uncomfortable competing without the negative act. It’s like a stand-up comedian without his props to hide behind. The old props are comfortable.
The insight lies in the understanding that each player has a character choice. Somewhere in their late-teens, tennis greats Borg, Federer, and Nadal were taught a wiser code of conduct and chose to apply it.
Encouraging Dependency
A serious blunder is “selling” dependence. I’ve seen numerous parents and teaching pros fall into this category. Often parents and coaches live vicariously through their superstars. Their fear of being abandoned by the champ motivates them to develop dependency. I often hear the player’s points of view as they communicate their feelings during their evaluation session. The players live in fear because a parent or coach has insinuated that they were responsible for their child’s success; “I’m the only one who can save you.” or “I don’t ever want to catch you hitting with another pro because they’ll mess up your game!”
Successful national champions have developed the physical, mental, and emotional tools to solve their own problems. It’s our job to assist them in solving their own problems!
Here’s what I did as a tennis parent from the time my stepdaughter was 12 years old, attending her first national event.
“Ok, Sarah, this is your event. I’m here to assist you every step of the way. Let’s play the co-pilot game. Sarah, I can’t drive and read the Google map. Can you please find the way to the airport? Great! Now find the parking structure. What’s our airline? Read the signs and lead the way. Terrific.
As we de-planed, I would ask Sarah, “Can you follow the signs to baggage claim?” That was easy. Now, we’re searching for Alamo rental cars. I wonder what kind of car is in slot #26? What’s your guess? Oh no… a P.T. Cruiser…Not again!!! “Sarah, can you read the map and direct us to the hotel?”
Lastly, we’re going to hit for an hour on the tournament courts so you can sleep easy knowing the surroundings. “Can you co-pilot us to the tournament site?”
Was it easy? Nope. It was like pulling teeth! It would have been a hundred times faster and easier if I had made her dependent on me. Did she learn self-reliance? Did she develop confidence in her abilities with the unknown? Did she become an independent thinker? You bet! By age 15, Sarah was flying comfortably, without us, nationally and internationally to compete.
