The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible
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QUESTION: How can my daughter let go of perfectionism?
Frank: Begin by discussing how striving for perfection is a demoralizing proposition. Studies show that the obsession of being perfect doesn’t lead to any substantial gains. Studies also show that given the same level of intellect and skills- perfectionists perform under par versus their less stressed-out counterparts. The reality is that with a sport like tennis, a calm, relaxed state of mind is essential for peak performance.
Successful tennis players are satisfied winning about 66 percent of the points in each match. That’s simply 2 out of 3 points. Doing so allows imperfection. It also allows the opponent a little glory as they lose the match. This provides a critical distressing environment, where playing at peak performance is possible. The following is a list of behaviors perfectionist need to address:
Controlled Aggression
Unfortunately for most perfectionists, the fear of losing is so great that they fall into the trap of “playing not to lose.” Pushing and playing safe is often caused by fear. The fear of missing is often the cause miss hits! Champions continue to attempt the shot the moment demands.
Unrealistic Expectations
Top nationally ranked juniors enter on average, 30 tough tournaments a year. If they win three of those events, it’s a great year. That mean they go home losers 27 weeks a year! Perfectionists, if you are winning 70 percent of your matches, you are ahead of the curve.
Self-Critical Behaviors
Perfectionists, it’s ok to have a Gatorade stain on your un-tucked shirt. Your hair should be messy. It’s ok to shank a few winners. Play slow and decrease ball speed. Give the opponent what they hate versus what you think looks like “good” tennis. Allow yourself to miss some. It doesn’t have to always be pretty. Often, perfectionists would rather lose than win ugly.
Focus on Executing Rituals
Studies show that about 75-80 percent of the time you’re on court; you are in between points. Perfectionists would be wise to focus on the process of proper internal change over and between point rituals instead of berating themselves over every mistake.
Self-Trust
Perfectionists overthink things to the point of confusion. For some, trusting their gut instincts isn’t a valid processing system. Decisions come after every factor is overanalyzed to the point of exhaustion.
Attitude
Understand that you choose your attitude and perfectionism is an attitude. This means that you have the freedom to change it. If your athlete is planning to play tennis in college, this is a major issue. I call it attitude versus aptitude. College coaches are searching for players with an optimistic positive attitude. A team player with a positive attitude is a pleasure to help. A pessimistic perfectionist with a horrible attitude is every college coach’s nightmare.
Focus on Getting the Win…Not the Double Bagel
Define a new, more reasonable goal. In any given round of any given tournament the objective is to get the win and progress to the next round. The purpose isn’t a perfect 6-0, 6-0 score without missing a single ball. The purpose is to simply get one thing accomplished and that’s the result.
Parents, educate your perfectionist to accept excellence versus perfection. It’s a healthier state of mind
