The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
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Did You Win?
It is incredible how much self-inflicted contamination is created daily by parents and junior tennis players. Here is a prime example: what is the worst question parents can ask after practice sets or a match? The answer was, “Did you win?” Now guess what the most common question parents ask after practice sets or a match is? You guessed it, “Did you win?”
Parents need to replace an outcome obsession with improvement questions like: “Did you perform well today?” Remind your athlete that their real competition is in their mirror, and the only person they have to beat is the person they were last week. Asking your athlete, “Did you win?” pulls them away from focusing on their daily improvement goals and towards outcome goals because of the need for your love and approval. Athletes stressed about proving their worth to their parents are not free to focus on improving their untrustworthy skills. Athletes in this “winning is everything.” mindset only applies the comfortable skills they already own, not to disappoint their parents. This behavior stunts the growth parents seek.
Solution: Exchange the “Did you win?” question with performance-based inquiries. Another typical tennis parent blunder is booking their athletes into practice sets with higher-ranked players and then being crazy upset when their child does not win. Practice sets are learning tools to strengthen your athlete’s match play skills and identify those skills that are not ready for prime time.
If the parent is constantly in need of wins and a shelf full of plastic trophies, schedule sets with lower-ranked individuals and only register your child into low-level event.
