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Tennis Thriving Versus Suffering

Posted on March 20, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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THE SUFFERING

“Don’t be upset by the results you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.”

Izzy is a tall, quintessential California girl. When she walks into a club, heads turn, looking like the real deal. At age 16, she appears to be a WTA superstar in the making. Her father is sure that she’ll be on tour soon. Her coaches shake their heads because she looks like she could be world-class, but they know, at this rate, she won’t.

Unfortunately, with her current mindset, she’s spiraling downward. You see, she wants the rankings without the hard work. The rewards and not the struggle. The prestige, not the process. Izzy’s in love with the fan fair, not the fight. To Izzy, suffering is felt as a personal defeat. Having to work hard is something naturally gifted athletes don’t have to do. Sadly, triumph doesn’t work that way.

Solution: Izzy will have a shot at greatness if she buys into hard work and discipline. A less physically gifted athlete with a better work ethic will outperform a more physically talented athlete with a weaker work ethic. For all athletes, including the physically gifted, properly handling the pain of training determines success. Who you are is defined by how hard you are willing to work.

The Argumentative Athlete Tennis

Posted on March 16, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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The Argumentative Athlete

For most teens, argumentativeness is more a reflex than an angry choice. Typically, high-performance athletes believe their knowledge of their sport exceeds their parent’s knowledge. Hence, giving them a perceived advantage over their parents. Turning damaging arguments into healthy disagreements is an emotional strategy. The lesson learned is that everyone can get their concerns heard and considered. Parents can find these arguments puzzling. You’ll help athletes regulate their emotions and solve problems by teaching them how to respond better.

Solution: Nurture the ability to postpone and censor their responses to advice. This key self-awareness trait will serve your athletes well on and off the tennis courts. Here are some tricks to get them started:

  • Digest the substance of the request.
  • Recognize when emotions are running the show.
  • Take a break.
  • Avoid criticizing before responding.
  • Set the ego aside and choose your battles.
  • Formulate evidence before stating your case.
  • Offer solutions versus pointing out flaws.
  • Disallow the blame game.
  • Confront the subverting of the conversation.

 

Remember, even though your athlete’s tennis skills are mature, their emotional regulating skills are likely still under development.

Tennis Mind Set Matters 2

Posted on March 13, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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frank

 

Decisions Not Situations

Mark is a very athletic junior from Florida. He has a wicked serve and a pre-stretch, compact forehand reminiscent of Agassi, but he performed poorly in matches. Through video analysis, I determined it was clear that Mark’s match decisions were the cause of his match failures. Here’s what I found charting his match.

Mark’s mechanics were reasonably solid, but his reckless shot selection caused the lion’s share of his unforced errors. Mark won 68% of the points that he played inside the court. Unfortunately, he played most of the match from 10 feet behind the baseline. From the backcourt, Mark won 36% of those points. His chosen court position wasn’t exposing his strengths.

In the first set, Mark allowed fear to control his mind during mega points, abandoning his strengths and pushing to be careful. He choked after building a comfortable lead due to his lapses in concentration. After dropping the lead in set one and losing the set, Mark started set two in a destructive mindset, racing through points. His self-doubt and negative self-talk were on full display. While he occasionally played brilliant pro-level tennis, his lack of mental and emotional training was running rapid.

Mark’s hardware skills were good, but his software skills needed development. His decision-making skills applied between-point and during changeover routines were non-existent. Every choice an athlete makes will either push him toward their goals or pull them away from them. These choices are part of the athlete’s software components.

Solution: The best way for Mark to improve his results is to shift his focus to new software development. Strategically Mark would be wise to use his strengths more often, especially on big points. Mark hit approximately 50% forehands and 50% backhands. A 75%/25% ratio would be beneficial. Also, from the tactical side, Mark should be attempting 70% of his first serves with his huge kick serve instead of the flat bomb that rarely hits its mark. Emotionally, between points, Mark needs to keep unwanted, contaminating thoughts out of his mind by keeping his mind filled with his performance patterns of play. Mark’s outcome wants trumped his performance needs, as seen in his lack of routines and rituals.

For Mark, I recommended that he fill his mind with solutions rather than a laundry list of problems. Being solution-oriented is the mindset that matters in competition.

Tennis Mindset Matters

Posted on March 13, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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“Every Decision Either Pushes Them Closer To Their Goals

OR

Pulls Them Away From Those Goals.”

Tennis Getting Good Versus Earning Good

Posted on March 9, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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ebook with lightblue background_3DExecuting Momentum

In high-performance tennis, understanding psychological momentum plays a key role in closing out matches. Momentum is a bi-directional concept affecting either the probability of winning or losing. Gaining then keeping positive momentum (where almost everything seems to go right) and stopping then reversing negative momentum (where nearly everything seems to go wrong) are skills worth educating. Maintaining psychological momentum keeps your athlete’s confidence high and helps them play at their peak performance level longer.

Unfortunately, manipulating the momentum is difficult to do. Often your athlete experiences a momentary lack of focus or a setback due to the opponent’s intelligent tactical changes. After momentum is lost, teaching them how to recapture it is part of the software package and will most likely have to be the parent’s job.

Following, you’ll discover steps to finding momentum when it’s lost.

Solution: Educate your athlete that recapturing the elusive skill when lost starts with a time-out. Typically, your athlete’s positive momentum is nowhere to be found when they lose three games in a row. This lack of focus signals it is time to take a legal bathroom break or trainer break. Hitting the pause button extinguishes the opponent’s fire and changes the game’s flow as their winning rhythms are interrupted. Teach your athlete to utilize legal time-outs to control the momentum of their matches.

So, what influencers stop your athletes from building momentum and giving that precious commodity over to their opponents?

  • Negative Body Language and the State of Mind
  • Being Judgmental About Mistakes
  • Wandering Mind Which Causes Unforced Errors
  • Choosing to be Combative
  • Match Awareness Mistakes

 

What should your athletes do to hold on to the hot commodity called momentum?

  • Apply Bold Body Language
  • Focus On Their Script of Top Plays
  • Maintain Intensity
  • Physical (Heart Rate Management)
  • Verbal Self Encouragement

 

Building positive momentum should be of utmost importance in match play. Unfortunately, match play momentum fluctuates throughout the match. Your athlete’s job is to keep that energy flowing in the right direction for as long as possible.

 

Best Tennis Preparation

Posted on March 6, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Preparation

“Katie, if you win today, your UTR will go up into the 8’s…Your college scholarship at UCLA is on the line, so pay attention and don’t blow it! Oh, and she’s a pusher. She gets everything back, so stay focused!” Confidence doesn’t stem from these pep talks. They only increase the terror in your athlete. True confidence stems from your athlete believing that they’ve adequately prepared for the event.

Junior athletes don’t miraculously rise to the occasion. They sink to the level of their training- a phrase repeat throughout this book.

Solution: Prepare the mind, body, and spirit for battle. It’s no secret that juniors and their parents want the win. It’s their will to prepare properly that is often lacking. Advanced competitors embrace the discipline of development long before the consistent winning begins. Intermediates all too often see development as punishment. Nurture your athlete to work harder and smarter than they did yesterday.

Intelligent preparation is the key to unlocking their match potential. The champion is born when the willingness to outlearn and outwork their rivals supersede their need for approval. Physical, mental, and emotional preparation will get them better results, but preparation is its reward at the end of the day. Fulfillment comes from persevering through the hard work.

Tennis – The Psychology of Listening

Posted on March 3, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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The Psychology of Listening

For a youngster to mentally process your message, the athlete must pay attention to the essence of the ideas. Most children never get past their parent’s tone of voice and nonverbal clues. Digesting the message isn’t easy for most junior athletes. Once the message is perceived as negative, they stop listening. So, use a bit of reverse psychology and apply optimistic solutions instead of the laundry list of their problems. This method detaches the athlete from their ego.

Young athletes are typically lost in their judgmental thoughts, so the listener often distorts the message.

 

“One who understands what to say has knowledge; one who understands when to say it has wisdom.”

Magnifying the negative and forgetting the positive is a typical communication obstruction. Every athlete, parent, and coach have a unique communication style. There are four basic communication styles (passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and dominating). It’s important to understand that if your style isn’t working, change your communication system to fit your listener.

Solution: Understand your communication system. Try to downgrade your tone of voice to a calm, relaxed cadence to get your meaning heard. When choosing to discuss their failures, switch the problems with the solutions. Add player accountability to problem-solving using the “Ask, don’t tell.” teaching method. After all, top athletes are nurtured to solve their problems.

Try to focus on giving without expecting, argue less, stop comparing your child with their peers, avoid participating in gossip, eliminate judgment, and choose not to live vicariously through your child.

Tennis Skills Development

Posted on February 27, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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The Investment

Andy: “My kids are getting interested in tennis. Why was your daughter so into it?” Did she win all the time?”
Frank: “While she was top in the National rankings and played the US Open by 15, she lost most weeks.”
Andy: “So, why did you keep her in it?”
Frank: “To help me teach a moral compass, positive character, and life skills.”
Andy: “I hear tennis is an expensive sport?”
Frank: “Chasing greatness in anything comes with a high price. Being mediocre is easy.”
Andy: “So what did you and your athlete get out of it?”

Solution: Parents, you’re not paying for tennis. Let’s be clear; tennis is just a vehicle. You’re paying for opportunities to help you develop life skills. The investment is in their physical, mental, and emotional hyper-growth. These attributes developed through tennis are what college coaches and later employers seek. Participation in sports covertly helps develop world-class leaders. You are spending money placing your athlete into challenging situations, such as when they want to quit but persist. When they don’t want to go to practice at 6:30 am, but they do. When they’re “too scared” to battle but they learn to fight on and preserver.

Parents investing in raising an elite tennis player are also investing in superior life skills, such as:

  • Building the discipline required to develop the physical, mental, and emotional skills necessary to be abnormally great.
  • Gaining the learned experience of personal goal setting, resiliency, and dedication to a craft.
  • Learning good sportsmanship- to be humble when dealing with victories and be classy in defeat.
  • Instilling a strong work ethic through years and years of hard work on and off the court.

 

Accomplished athletes will have more success and life experiences in their teens than some people achieve in their entire lives. Developing a world-class person is difficult at best and doesn’t happen overnight, but what is the alternative? Your child can be on the tennis court or sitting on the couch in front of two screens thumbing through social media on their phone, eating cheese puffs while playing the latest video game on their computer.

Parental Dialogue

Posted on February 20, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Post-Match Banter

Remember that every use of force, even the smallest, creates a counterforce. Like Newton’s third law, “For every action… there’s an equal opposite reaction.” Parents’ match play observations delivered to an athlete right after the competition create a love of competition or distaste for competition. Here’s an insightful question for us adults: What if our boss gave us their list of everything we did wrong at the end of every day? I know I’d be looking for a new job ASAP!

Solution:

  • Spend a week practicing not giving unsolicited advice to your young athlete.
  • Stop yourself and choose silence.
  • Give your child the time to organize their solutions.

 

Here’s a fact, your words become your child’s inner dialogue at future crunch time. So, if your post-performance banter is repeatedly heard as “you’re not good enough,” guess what they’re thinking as they’re trying desperately to close out another match?

Parents unknowingly destroy the inner belief needed by their junior athletes. Analyzing performance is terrific for those detailed data collectors, but please follow up the analysis by texting your findings to the coach instead of sharing them with your child. Post-match, your child only needs to hear one question from you: What kind of ice cream are you getting today? All they need to feel from you is how much you love to watch them play and how proud you are of them.

Tennis Emotional Regulation

Posted on February 16, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Emotional Regulation

As Jenna Hanson’s match begins, her father, Steve, starts to pace the cage. By the first game, he’s offering illegal advice to Jenna “Jen, toss higher…come on!” Next, he’s offering “advice” to the roaming official, “Ref, my daughter is being cheated on court #5 … let’s go, get out there!” After the referee stays for two games and disappears, Steve begins yelling at Jenna’s opponent. “Do you need to cheat?” In his hijacked state of mind, Steve is asked to leave the facility once again.

We’ve all had firsthand experience witnessing our youngsters get cheated. We’ve all lost perspective and momentarily felt like Steve.

Regulating our emotions when our little babies compete isn’t easy. Our self-worth and self-esteem are on the line as a silly junior tennis match feels like the Super bowl. Powerful protective instincts rise as we try desperately to react with just the right amount of emotions not to upset our precious phenom.

Solution: The very nature of tennis tournaments are mentally and emotionally intense for children and their spectator parents. A tennis match is a helpless experience for parents as we sit and only smile when our child’s crying in anguish. Tennis tournaments have rules and even roaming officials, but a few bad calls inevitably occur in every match.

Emotional regulation is about controlling our reactions. Staying calm under attack in a Zen-like fashion is a tennis parent strategy. Fake it until you make it is an emotional strategy. Managing one’s mindset, facial expression, and body language is a vital tennis parent job description.