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Best Tennis Preparation

Posted on March 6, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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The following post is an excerpt from The Psychology of Tennis Parenting.

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Preparation

“Katie, if you win today, your UTR will go up into the 8’s…Your college scholarship at UCLA is on the line, so pay attention and don’t blow it! Oh, and she’s a pusher. She gets everything back, so stay focused!” Confidence doesn’t stem from these pep talks. They only increase the terror in your athlete. True confidence stems from your athlete believing that they’ve adequately prepared for the event.

Junior athletes don’t miraculously rise to the occasion. They sink to the level of their training- a phrase repeat throughout this book.

Solution: Prepare the mind, body, and spirit for battle. It’s no secret that juniors and their parents want the win. It’s their will to prepare properly that is often lacking. Advanced competitors embrace the discipline of development long before the consistent winning begins. Intermediates all too often see development as punishment. Nurture your athlete to work harder and smarter than they did yesterday.

Intelligent preparation is the key to unlocking their match potential. The champion is born when the willingness to outlearn and outwork their rivals supersede their need for approval. Physical, mental, and emotional preparation will get them better results, but preparation is its reward at the end of the day. Fulfillment comes from persevering through the hard work.

Tennis – The Psychology of Listening

Posted on March 3, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

The following post is an excerpt from The Psychology of Tennis Parenting.

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The Psychology of Listening

For a youngster to mentally process your message, the athlete must pay attention to the essence of the ideas. Most children never get past their parent’s tone of voice and nonverbal clues. Digesting the message isn’t easy for most junior athletes. Once the message is perceived as negative, they stop listening. So, use a bit of reverse psychology and apply optimistic solutions instead of the laundry list of their problems. This method detaches the athlete from their ego.

Young athletes are typically lost in their judgmental thoughts, so the listener often distorts the message.

 

“One who understands what to say has knowledge; one who understands when to say it has wisdom.”

Magnifying the negative and forgetting the positive is a typical communication obstruction. Every athlete, parent, and coach have a unique communication style. There are four basic communication styles (passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and dominating). It’s important to understand that if your style isn’t working, change your communication system to fit your listener.

Solution: Understand your communication system. Try to downgrade your tone of voice to a calm, relaxed cadence to get your meaning heard. When choosing to discuss their failures, switch the problems with the solutions. Add player accountability to problem-solving using the “Ask, don’t tell.” teaching method. After all, top athletes are nurtured to solve their problems.

Try to focus on giving without expecting, argue less, stop comparing your child with their peers, avoid participating in gossip, eliminate judgment, and choose not to live vicariously through your child.

Tennis Skills Development

Posted on February 27, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

The following post is an excerpt from The Psychology of Tennis Parenting.

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The Investment

Andy: “My kids are getting interested in tennis. Why was your daughter so into it?” Did she win all the time?”
Frank: “While she was top in the National rankings and played the US Open by 15, she lost most weeks.”
Andy: “So, why did you keep her in it?”
Frank: “To help me teach a moral compass, positive character, and life skills.”
Andy: “I hear tennis is an expensive sport?”
Frank: “Chasing greatness in anything comes with a high price. Being mediocre is easy.”
Andy: “So what did you and your athlete get out of it?”

Solution: Parents, you’re not paying for tennis. Let’s be clear; tennis is just a vehicle. You’re paying for opportunities to help you develop life skills. The investment is in their physical, mental, and emotional hyper-growth. These attributes developed through tennis are what college coaches and later employers seek. Participation in sports covertly helps develop world-class leaders. You are spending money placing your athlete into challenging situations, such as when they want to quit but persist. When they don’t want to go to practice at 6:30 am, but they do. When they’re “too scared” to battle but they learn to fight on and preserver.

Parents investing in raising an elite tennis player are also investing in superior life skills, such as:

  • Building the discipline required to develop the physical, mental, and emotional skills necessary to be abnormally great.
  • Gaining the learned experience of personal goal setting, resiliency, and dedication to a craft.
  • Learning good sportsmanship- to be humble when dealing with victories and be classy in defeat.
  • Instilling a strong work ethic through years and years of hard work on and off the court.

 

Accomplished athletes will have more success and life experiences in their teens than some people achieve in their entire lives. Developing a world-class person is difficult at best and doesn’t happen overnight, but what is the alternative? Your child can be on the tennis court or sitting on the couch in front of two screens thumbing through social media on their phone, eating cheese puffs while playing the latest video game on their computer.

Parental Dialogue

Posted on February 20, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Post-Match Banter

Remember that every use of force, even the smallest, creates a counterforce. Like Newton’s third law, “For every action… there’s an equal opposite reaction.” Parents’ match play observations delivered to an athlete right after the competition create a love of competition or distaste for competition. Here’s an insightful question for us adults: What if our boss gave us their list of everything we did wrong at the end of every day? I know I’d be looking for a new job ASAP!

Solution:

  • Spend a week practicing not giving unsolicited advice to your young athlete.
  • Stop yourself and choose silence.
  • Give your child the time to organize their solutions.

 

Here’s a fact, your words become your child’s inner dialogue at future crunch time. So, if your post-performance banter is repeatedly heard as “you’re not good enough,” guess what they’re thinking as they’re trying desperately to close out another match?

Parents unknowingly destroy the inner belief needed by their junior athletes. Analyzing performance is terrific for those detailed data collectors, but please follow up the analysis by texting your findings to the coach instead of sharing them with your child. Post-match, your child only needs to hear one question from you: What kind of ice cream are you getting today? All they need to feel from you is how much you love to watch them play and how proud you are of them.

Tennis Emotional Regulation

Posted on February 16, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Emotional Regulation

As Jenna Hanson’s match begins, her father, Steve, starts to pace the cage. By the first game, he’s offering illegal advice to Jenna “Jen, toss higher…come on!” Next, he’s offering “advice” to the roaming official, “Ref, my daughter is being cheated on court #5 … let’s go, get out there!” After the referee stays for two games and disappears, Steve begins yelling at Jenna’s opponent. “Do you need to cheat?” In his hijacked state of mind, Steve is asked to leave the facility once again.

We’ve all had firsthand experience witnessing our youngsters get cheated. We’ve all lost perspective and momentarily felt like Steve.

Regulating our emotions when our little babies compete isn’t easy. Our self-worth and self-esteem are on the line as a silly junior tennis match feels like the Super bowl. Powerful protective instincts rise as we try desperately to react with just the right amount of emotions not to upset our precious phenom.

Solution: The very nature of tennis tournaments are mentally and emotionally intense for children and their spectator parents. A tennis match is a helpless experience for parents as we sit and only smile when our child’s crying in anguish. Tennis tournaments have rules and even roaming officials, but a few bad calls inevitably occur in every match.

Emotional regulation is about controlling our reactions. Staying calm under attack in a Zen-like fashion is a tennis parent strategy. Fake it until you make it is an emotional strategy. Managing one’s mindset, facial expression, and body language is a vital tennis parent job description.

Tennis Parent Coach

Posted on February 15, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Successful Parental Habits

Tennis parents rarely get the spotlight, but without their influence and leadership, most athletes wouldn’t even make their local high school squad. I chatted with the parents of my top nationally ranked juniors to find out what they had in common. These parents teach their children ownership of their tennis careers. Below are six commonalities found in the parents of top competitors.

Solutions:

  • After each tennis lesson, these parents ask their athletes to teach them the concepts they’ve just learned. Learning by teaching solidifies their knowledge, which improves confidence. Communication skills enhance memorization.
  • For each private lesson their athlete takes, they schedule a hitting session or a practice match utilizing those improvements. Solidifying stroke adjustments takes repetition. Memorizing new material in the form of plays and patterns takes time.
  • Successful tennis parents have their athletes play sets with paid college hitters. The parent hires the hitter and instructs them to play the style their child has trouble with in competition.
  • These parents ask them to rehearse their secondary tools, and contingency game plans in group training sessions. They know if their player doesn’t rehearse their plan B, it likely won’t hold up under pressure.
  • If their child despises playing a retriever, they ask their coaches to stop simply grooving to each other in practice and develop the keep-away patterns used to pull retrievers out of their game.
  • Successful tennis parents replace some of the hours of drilling with completing practice sets. Practicing in the manner, they’re expected to perform requires a different set of skills than most academy training. Software management stems from being judged, and that involves competition. Being a great competitor is different from being a great stationary ball striker.

Tennis Coaching Nurturing Happiness

Posted on February 12, 2023 by in The Psychology of Tennis Parents

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Nurturing Happiness

 

 

 

“Winning isn’t the way to happiness … Happiness is the way to winning.”


 

Teach Happiness

At the heart of a tennis parent’s job description is to teach happiness. Happier athletes are more likely to play longer, develop deeper skill sets, perform more freely, become successful tennis athletes, and become accomplished adults. Neuroscientists report that just hearing another person laugh triggers mirror neurons in the brain—these mirror neurons insight laughter. Interestingly, to date, Harvard University’s most popular class is a happiness course taught by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar.

Solution: Parental guidance greatly influences an athlete’s success, especially through modeling – children do what you do and not necessarily what you say. So, if you want to nurture happier athletes, the first step is to show happiness. Focus on the positive and avoid stressing the negative. Your happiness or disappointment affects your athlete tremendously. Joy and laughter are contagious, so laugh with your children daily. There is a time and a place for correction but be sure to lighten the mood on tournament days and enjoy the journey.

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

Posted on February 6, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

Released on January 28, 2023

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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PREFACE

 

The most important and neglected component of the competitive tennis athlete is their mental and emotional aptitude. Yet, year after year, most athletes and their parents ignore the psychological aspects of the game of tennis. The Tennis Parent’s Bible was my first attempt to call attention to this issue. With great success and professional recognition, the importance of mental and emotional development is finally acknowledged, but a lack of implementation is still an issue over a decade later.

Parents of high-performance athletes have a detailed job description. While their job doesn’t typically involve the development of the sports mechanics or athleticism, it does comprise the mental and emotional aptitude needed to navigate competitive pressures. I wrote The Psychology of Tennis Parenting as a psychological guidance system to assist parents with developing the software their athletes need to maximize their full potential.

I am a Philomath, which is a lover of learning. For the past two decades, I’ve traveled around the world coaching top athletes and examining the role of parenting athletes, and identifying ways to improve those systems. Though I have written many books to help athletes, parents, and coaches fine-tune their training routines, those athletes that have found the most success have had a parent eager to direct the team.

Athletes need mental clarity at crunch time, and this book provides the mental and emotional training pathways lacking in most athletes’ development. A successful athlete on-court is also an accomplished person off-court. Parents devoting time and energy to developing strong mental and emotional skill sets are raising confident and resilient future leaders.

Praise Effort Not Results

Posted on February 5, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, The Psychology of Tennis Parents

Released on January 28, 2023

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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Chapter One Excerpt- Nurturing Happiness

 

Praise Effort, Not Results

When parents say, “Ethan, if you win the whole event, we’ll buy you a new computer game!”

The reality is that winning is out of Ethan’s control. An athlete can influence winning a tournament but can’t control it. There are far too many variables to manage in a match. Outcome goals create an anxious environment and obstruct the learning process. Parents should instead encourage process goals and view each match as a learning experience. The research is very consistent: praise effort, not results.

Solution: Replace this outcome bribe with an attainable goal, “Ethan, if you hit your three performance goals each match this event, we’ll buy you a new computer game.” Now Ethan is given a goal within his control.

After the tournament, parents should avoid discussing the laundry list of mistakes their athletes made during the match. This negative list of faults destroys your athlete’s self-esteem and confirms that they are broken and unworthy. Parents should send their match notes to their athlete’s coach, and the coach can address the issues during practice. Avoid a post-match verbal attack.

Lastly, parents avoid using their friend’s success against them. Praising their rival’s positive results compounds the pressure. Praising your athlete’s effort instead keeps them focused on the improvement process.

Available Now The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

Posted on February 2, 2023 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential

Released on January 28, 2023

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting

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INTRODUCTION

 

It’s our job as parents and coaches to teach the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment. The Psychology of Tennis Parenting will help the reader uncover how to juggle both topics. Your family’s happiness depends on your ability to navigate the waters. As I’ve said a thousand times:

“Educated parents about the developmental process are the ship’s motors…uneducated parents about the developmental process are the ship’s anchors.”

If your athlete is already competing, you have seen that winning titles requires more than just athletic ability. The prerequisite is a healthy mental state: emotional fitness and psychological strength matter. Our emotions determine our course of action, and these pages assist you in shaping the mental and emotional state of the athlete and their entourage of coaches and trainers.

The Psychology of Tennis Parenting is a tool to assist the parents and coaches in forming their athlete’s life skills and positive character traits. Changing bad habits is the prelude to winning higher-level matches. After all, winning and losing doesn’t just happen. The quality of one’s preparation determines success.

This book will teach parents how to educate their children to advocate for themselves, be assertive under pressure, make good decisions, and, most importantly, apply gratitude along the journey.