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The Laundry List

Posted on October 23, 2014 by in Parent Player Communication

Greetings,0623P_5063

I am pleased to announce that my new book is soon to be released: Raising Athletic Royalty: Insights to Inspire for a Lifetime.  It is your go to guide to motivating and nurturing the greatness found in your children.

There is no doubt that parental modeling plays the most significant role in the way an athlete is nurtured. Children instinctively imitate their parent’s behaviors, attitudes and moral conduct. This makes supportive and informed (athletic) parental nurturing essential in maximizing a child’s potential at the quickest rate, regardless of the chosen passion/endeavor.

The code of excellence we all wish to imprint on our children cannot be taught in only a few hours a week by a gifted coach. These life lessons need to be nurtured day in and day out by their parents.

LESSON: The Laundry List

“Great game men,” said Coach Stevens. “You guys are improving every week. We are one heck of a football team! Every one of you gave it your all out there and I’m so proud! Keep up the good work! I’ll see you Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. at Riley Park for practice… READY BREAK!”

Every kid was smiling and laughing walking off the game day field, except for Randy.

Randy knew what was to come. He was a quiet ball of knots as he slowly headed toward his father’s car adding a limp to his gait to support a fake injury while holding his iphone in hand ready to text his friend about homework the moment he got into the car. These were just a few of the aversion tactics Randy regularly employed to lessen the barrage of criticism that was sure to come from his father. If he pretended to be injured and was addressing the importance of homework he needed to complete, then his father may go easy on him.

You see Randy’s dad believed that he was actually helping Randy by watching every game and compiling a detailed laundry list of Randy’s failed plays, mistakes and improvement issues. Randy’s dad didn’t even realize that he was destroying his son’s confidence and self-esteem by pointing out his every flaw. No matter how good Randy was, it was not good enough. No matter how long Randy trained, it was not long enough. No matter how many things Randy fixed, his dad would find more flaws.

Mr. Wilson did not have a clue that the only thing he was cultivating was excuses, no effort and zero enjoyment for the sport, not to mention a seriously unhealthy family environment. After all, why in the world would Randy want to play if it only led to a new laundry list of why he’s so slow, uncoordinated and stupid?

Parents, remember that the only comments you should make directly after competition are motivational and positive comments like: “I wish I had the guts to go out there and perform like that.”, “I think it’s so cool watching you out there.”, “You’re getting better and better everything day.”,  “Did you have fun out there today?” or “You’re playing great; let me know if I can help you with anything!” Motivating the growth you seek comes from optimism and not from pessimism. Continually reminding your children of their failures is futile. Instead, after each game or practice session, support your child’s efforts with love and praise.

If you or your spouse possess this dreaded parental laundry list of failure disease, begin to replace the list of negative remarks with positive ones.

If you deeply feel that your laundry list is insightful and important to the growth of your child, I suggest asking the coach if you can email the list to him after the game. Then ask him if he can pay special attention to those issues. Chances are that your child will accept the valid feedback if it is presented by the coach instead of the parent. A good coach should have a better way of presenting the issues in an optimistic and positive light.

Thanks for visiting, Frank

Contact Frank: Email: fgsa@earthlink.net

Web Site: www.MaximizingTennisPotential.com

Web Site: www.tennisparentsolutions.com

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Tennis Spirituality

Posted on September 11, 2014 by in The Tennis Parent's Bible

Frank Giampaolo Maximizing Tennis Potential Junior Tennis

How tennis is bringing us closer together.

Tennis brings a deep sense of community. The type of communal attachment that we as humans desperately need. It transcends the denominational perspective we were born into because this sport doesn’t carry the religious divisions. Tennis is universal. It goes beyond country’s boundaries and borders.

Whether I’m attending a Davis Cup tie, an Australian Open match on Laver Arena, a college battle with 1,000 screaming fans, or attending a high school match with 6 parents and a dog watching-the communal feeling is the same. Multiple hearts beating as one, dedicated to the performers. For those major matches, I’m talking thousands of souls on the same wave length.

Tennis brings drama, risk, danger and excitement. There’s no hiding out there in the bull ring as an athlete puts himself or herself on the line. Living through those emotions together is why I am and always will be engrossed in our crazy sport. One thing is consistent- no matter what the level of play is- take in a tennis match and you never truly know the script until it’s over. That’s drama! That’s why I’m addicted.

Tennis, like many sports, brings people together and that alone is a reason to love it. Spirituality is not only comparable to tennis, it’s in the essence of it’s DNA.

I have a life long relationship with tennis. I don’t teach tennis because I need to always win. I don’t watch tennis because I need a distraction in my life. I love tennis because it has a healing power. It allows me to set my problems aside and help my clients and their parents heal. And as I figure out ways to heal them… It heals me. Giving is selfish that way.

I love it when a student strives for excellence and the wide spectrum of emotions that contest brings. I’m motivated by the togetherness that I share with the participants, coaches and parents around the world.”

-Frank Giampaolo

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Tennis Parent’s Match Day Role

Posted on September 8, 2014 by in Match Day Preparation, Maximizing Tennis Potential, Tennis Parent Education

Frank Giampaolo Maximizing Tennis Potential Junior Tennis

Your child is playing, what should you be doing?

PARENTAL MATCH DAY JOB DESCRIPTION: The parent’s primary role is to de-stress their child.

Why?

  • Stress Increases Muscle Contractions
  • Stress Decreases Fluid Movement
  • Stress Impairs Judgment
  • Stress Reduces Problem Solving Skills
  • Parents, remember that athletes perform best in a calm relaxed mental state.

PARENTAL PRE-MATCH JOB DESCRIPTION:

  • Equipment preparation & nutrition/hydration requirements
  • Warm up routines (Primary/Secondary Strokes) and imagery
  • Keeping the player away from other players and parents
  • Discuss styles of play, strengths and weaknesses instead of the opponents past success
  • Emphasize the importance of executing the correct shot the moment demands
  • Quality preparation is a life skill. It is the foundation for success.

PARENTAL MATCH TIME JOB DESCRIPTION:

Charting or video taping your child’s match provides valuable insight for future training. It also is provides an opportunity to positively channel parent’s/coach’s nervous energy during a match. (Players are very adept at reading their parent’s/coach’s emotions {i.e. non-verbal communication} while playing.)

Benefits of Match Analysis:

  • Strengths and weaknesses in stroke production
  • Implementation of strategies and tactics
  • Actual causes of errors
  • Dissecting the opponent/opponent awareness
  • Movement, spacing and fitness
  • Emotional control
  • Focus control such as lapses in concentration
  • Between point and changeover rituals

PARENTAL POST MATCH JOB DESCRIPTION

  • Assist your child in their static stretching, nutrition and hydration requirements.
  • Wait an appropriate amount of time before discussing the match.
  • Begin match analysis with an over-view of their positive performance goals with an optimistic tone of voice.
  • If not present- replace “Did You Win?” with “Did you hit your performance goals. Did you execute the correct shots at the right times?”
  • Remind your child to complete their match logs.

Remember to acknowledge your child’s hard work!

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The Alfred Adler Institute in Israel: Encouragement and Praise

Posted on August 24, 2014 by in Tennis Parent Education

Maximizing Tennis Potential via LiveHappyLivePretty.com

This is a terrific article written by my friend Shaul Zohar from Tennis Israel.

Encouragement and Praise

Please feel free to share this article with friends, coaches, players and parents.

Competitive tennis, such as the child is dedicated to & invests in, holds high added value. It teaches discipline, responsibility, ability to make decisions, excellence, patience, concentration, achievement, dealing with authority, with disappointments, with failure together with fellowship & cooperation. It is therefore important for parents to reinforce these skills & not the achievements.

 

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Confronting Gamesmanship

Posted on August 21, 2014 by in 10 and Under Tennis, Match Day Preparation, Maximizing Tennis Potential, Tennis Parent Education

Maximizing Tennis Potential via LiveHappyLivePretty.com

Win with grace, lose with grace.

Q: How do we begin to educate our daughter about cheaters?
A: Communicating about possible/probable scenarios and presetting your child’s correct response (protocols) is a great start. Rehearse the solutions by setting up actual practice sets whereby the opponent is allowed to apply gamesmanship and your child has to rehearse their response sequence. Many parents and players are unaware that counter gamesmanship tactics are a learned behavior.

Q: My son wants harmony on the court, so he won’t do anything to stop a cheater. What can we do?
A: Explain to your son that harmony is seldom found in a competitive environment. Help your son to develop protocols- these are preset solutions to dealing with gamesmanship. Developing protocols to handle cheaters is similar to an actor memorizing a script. Remind him that when he is being bullied, manipulated or cheated out of a match that is rightfully his, there is no harmony. The best way for your child to make friends in the tennis world is by beating their brains out first. Then guess what?…They all want to be his friend.

Q: What should my daughter do if her opponent is hooking?
A: If the opponent brings unfair play into the match your child must deal with it swiftly and professionally. I recommend confronting every bad call. At the higher levels, cheaters hook in the first few games simply to see if your child is tough enough to confront them or not. If your child does nothing, they are guaranteeing that the opponent will hook later in the match at the most important times. Explain to your daughter that the hook in that second set tiebreaker could have been avoided had the protocols been followed earlier in the match. Remind her that by confronting the gamesmanship head on, she is essentially saying “No, not today, hooking will not be tolerated.”

Q: My son allows opponents to hook him time after time and then proceeds to get angry and play worse. How do we explain to him that his fear of confrontation is the reason he is getting so angry?
A: You are right, by allowing opponents to hook, your son is manifesting internal anger. This anger stops the positive and confident attitude essential to playing at the peak performance level. The brain cannot solve two complicated tasks simultaneously. This is called channel capacity. Not only is your son losing the points that are being stolen from him, he is donating additional points due to channel capacity- his negative self-condemnation overtakes his performance goals. Explain to him confronting gamesmanship is part of the competitive arena and that he must have preset protocols to deal with it. (Dealing with confrontation is a life issue- it is likely present in all areas of his life- not just tennis.)

Q: My child is scared to call an umpire onto the court. How can we help?
A: I know I sound like a broken record, but presetting match protocols is as important as developing motor programs for mechanical strokes. The solution to dealing with an on-court controversy (calling an umpire to the court) should already be prewired before the match begins. Be sure your child is clear about the actual rules and regulations of competitive play- this requires reading the rules and regulations of the game. Once your child is aware of the official protocol of calling an umpire to her court, she will be more confident in her proactive action. Remind her that she works too hard to allow cheaters to cheat. Calling an umpire onto the court is demanding fair play.

Q: When should we begin to develop counter-gamesmanship skills?
A: As early as possible. Preset protocols are like preventative medicine. Deciding when to set aside time for mental and emotional development depends on your child’s growth development schedule. Some children are mature enough to understand and implement counter-gamesmanship tactics at age 7, while others are still not mature enough at age 17. However, most players will lose many emotional matches to cheaters, before they are ready to learn counter-gamesmanship.

Q: What can we do if my son doesn’t call out balls out? He is essentially cheating himself out of matches.
A: Discuss the ramifications of the fear of confrontation. Why is avoiding confrontation such a problem at the competitive levels? Juniors who cheat themselves severely complicate games, sets, matches and of course tournaments. Explain to your son that elongating and complicating early round matches drains your son’s physical, mental and emotional batteries- leaving nothing left for the tougher, later rounds. It is in his best interest to learn to call out balls out, especially because, strong competitors will see your son as being inexperienced and weak- thus fueling their confidence. (Remind your son that by not calling out balls out, he is helps his opponent in two ways- giving them free points and building their confidence.)
True Story: My daughter, Sarah, was playing a phenom in a G14 designated tournament. She was beating the phenom 6-0, 2-0…Sarah began to feel sorry for opponent because she was crying hysterically… So Sarah decided to give her a few points and started to call out ball good … As soon as this phenom saw Sarah GIVING her points…she turned on her gamesmanship tactics -of which she was known for… She started stealing points from Sarah. What should have been a routine win, became dramatic 2nd set grudge match- the phenom began cheating like crazy (Score changing, line calls, intimation, the works…) Sarah learned her lesson and never felt sorry for an opponent again- out balls were out!

Q: My daughter is easily intimidated out of competing. Is this fair?
A: Yes, intimidation is fair. At the higher levels, tennis is a game of intimidation. Top opponents who recognize that stroke for stroke they haven’t got the game to beat your daughter will seek out any weakness in your daughter’s game- it is their job. If your daughter has terrific strokes but is an inexperienced emotional competitor, it is your responsibility to assist them in developing a “thick skin”.

Dealing with gamesmanship should be part of your child’s basic training. The first step in handling gamesmanship is devising customized solutions (protocols) for each form of gamesmanship. The second step is rehearsing those solutions on the practice court to gain confidence in applying pre-set counter gamesmanship solutions in a real match.

To progress into the higher levels of the game, mental and emotional skill set development is crucial. Parents, if you’re not taking an active role in helping to develop these critical components in your child, please don’t blame your child when tournament after tournament they lose as a result of gamesmanship.

Cheaters on-court are cheaters in life.

 

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Tennis Parent Communication

Posted on August 5, 2014 by in Match Day Preparation, Tennis Parent Education

Maximizing Tennis Potential with Frank Giampaolo

Let’s assume you are not a high performance tennis coach, but a loving tennis parent just the same. As a tennis parent, your role is critical in the overall development of your child on and off the court.

Ten Important Communication Skills Essential for the Tennis Parent:

  1. Teach character building and not stroke production or strategy. Encourage life skill development, such as being optimistic, time management, emotional composure, perseverance/work ethic, proper nutrition, hydration and sleep requirements and organizational skills. With proper life skills your child will succeed on and off the court.
  2. Communicate your match observations to the coach (and not to the child). Email your tournament notes to your primary coach – asking them to focus their training on your child’s actual match flaws. The coach will then take the appropriate training steps. This will add harmony to the often stressful parent player relationship.
  3. Google positive motivation techniques. Don’t force success…motivate success. Motivation is achieved through rewarding your child’s efforts and not by punishing their failures. Punishment discourages growth – the exact opposite of motivation.
  4. Set process goals such as a developmental plan, as well as outcome goals such as rankings. Yes, there are two completely different sets of goals. Developmental goals include nurturing many game components simultaneously. Process goals may include: off court training, primary and secondary stroke skills as well as mental and emotional protocols. Outcome goals may include: the USTA/ITF tournament schedules, ranking rules and regulations as well as college placement process.
  5. Manage proper match day preparation Spectacular preparation precedes spectacular performances. Practice makes permanent….practice doesn’t make perfect. This goes for pre-match warm ups as well. Sadly, most parents and players have horrific preparation routines and yet expect spectacular performances. See The Match Day Preparation eBook for more in depth discovery.
  6. Apply positive, non-threatening post match communication. Consider your child’s preferred intelligence (How individuals relate best to the world around them.) Some brain types enjoy discussing post match “chalk talk” immediately after the match, others simply need a little distance before discussing the match and still others may never want to discuss the match. (FYI: If your child never wants to discuss the match- you may have a hobbyist on your hands because they are not interested in growth) However, after a match, you may only have one hour before the next match to discuss performance issues. Be positive and reinforce what they did well. You may consider asking: “What did you do effectively today?”, “What did the opponent do that made it tough for you? What would you do different?” VERSUS discussing your laundry list of their failures!!!!
  7. Train Independency. One of the most important character traits of a champion is independent problem solving skills. If your child is 16 and you are still finding their shoes, packing their bag, carrying their water jug and racket bag to matches you are developing dependency. At 5 all in the third set, the independent problem solver is more likely going to find a way to win. The dependent child is going to be looking to you with tears in their eyes.
  8. Manage your child’s entourage. Top nationally ranked player have an entourage. This group consists of teachers, paid hitters, trainers, sparring partners, physical therapists …etc. If your coach insists that you only train with him/her…be aware that they may be looking after their best interest and not your child’s best interest. Bottom line- Do not assume one singular coach is doing everything your child needs. If you are only paying a coach to hit balls, you are mismanaging your child’s complete developmental plan.
  9. Remember communication isn’t just verbal. Studies show over 70% of communication comes from tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. In my opinion, kids key in on the tone of voice and ignore the actual words being spoken. How do you expect your child to play calm, relaxed and positive tennis under stress, if you are pacing on the side lines with your arms folded in a knot and shaking your head in disgust? If you are wound tighter than a drum, sit somewhere so that they cannot see or hear you.
  10. If you’re going to have an attitude…make it gratitude. The real junior contenders I train week in and week out work harder than most adults. Though many adults may be going to a job 40 hours a week, how many of them are giving 100% effort even 10 hours a week? Continuing to obsess about your child’s flaws will deflate their desire to even try. Replace the non-stop discussion of their flaws with your true feelings of being thankful for their hard work. Show appreciation for your child’s effort and you will be motivating greatness!

A tough realization for most tennis parents is that you can’t be a part time hobbyist parent and expect your child to be a champion. If you truly don’t want to “get involved” please don’t expect your child to be great.

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