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Stop Worrying About What Others Think – Part 2

Posted on September 21, 2018 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

 The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order 

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Question: How did you let go of the need for approval?

Evan: I finally realized that my friends weren’t interested in helping me achieve my goals. They could care less about me. I began to understand that my parents were my number one fans- continuing to support and nurture self-belief, self-confidence, and self-reliance. I also learned to trust and respect those that were looking out for my best interest, which included my private coach.  With the support of my team, I was able to let go of looking for approval and instead commit to striving to be the best I could be both as an athlete and as a person.

Jarrod: I guess I’m finally ready to really commit to myself. My constant need for approval from those that could care less about my goals seems crazy…  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Maybe I wasn’t thinking! I’m going to make the effort to change. You said a fixed mindset personality can change to having a growth mindset, right? I am ready to forget about pleasing others and commit to my goals!

 

Constantly worrying about pleasing others takes away time and energy from improving yourself.

 

To maximizing potential you must take the leadership role in your customized developmental plan. Like Evan, it is essential to surround yourself with those that support, respect and encourage positive life skills. Athletic success requires a team that mutually respects each other and their roles. It is also important to eliminate the influence of those with a fixed mindset because improvement stems from a growth mindset.

Decisions regarding your athletic career should be based solely on the continual assessments of individual strengths and weaknesses – period!

 

The problem with approval seeking is that it holds your emotions captive. Some athletes have difficulty focusing on their own strengths because they’re constantly worrying about meeting the standards and expectations of others.

 

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Stop Worrying About What Others Think- Part 1

Posted on September 18, 2018 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Stop Worrying About What Others Think

 

One of the leading causes of performance anxiety is worrying about what others think. This unproductive energy zapper is a choice and an incredibly bad choice at that! This section will prove why. Let’s call on the twins, to see how they view worrying about what others think about them.

 

Question: Does the opinion of other players, coaches and/or parents matter to you?

Evan: Well, what’s right for someone else may be completely wrong for me.  I’d rather let go of both the good and bad opinions and simply have faith in my skills. This is emotional aptitude, right Frank? Trusting your own opinions, decisions, abilities, and living on your own terms?

Jarrod: In the past I wanted the better players to like me, so I actually unknowingly tanked my matches with them. I respected them too much. I just let them win.  I wasn’t sure why. I thought if I let them win… they’d like me. Kind of crazy, right? Now after talking about this emotional aptitude stuff, I realize that the fastest way to be liked is by beating them.

 

Question: Is the need to be accepted by other athletes holding you back?

Evan: I love being part of a team, but tennis isn’t a team sport. It’s an individual sport. I let go of the need to be accepted years ago and decided it’s in my best interest to customize my training. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the socialization of group training, but if that’s all I did, I would definitely be an average player, at best!

Jarrod: When I was young and naïve, I believed the other athletes in the group when they said that the group clinic was their only training. Later, I realized that they often snuck away and did extra private lessons to secretly get ahead of the rest of us. Pretty sneaky huh?

 

Question: Is the need for peer approval holding you hostage?

Evan: When I was in junior high, I procrastinated and avoided doing what’s right for me. I also wanted everyone to like me, so I tried to blend in and not stand out.  This limited my growth opportunities because I couldn’t get better and with an average work ethic. I was exhausting trying to please the cool people.

Jarrod: I am finally seeing how emotional aptitude really is important. I used to try to do too much- never wanting to miss the fun. I would never say no. Looking back, trying to please all my non-athletic friends really hurt my development.

 

 

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Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 3

Posted on September 15, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

 

I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?

Most parents and coaches want the very best for their children and students. However, finding the perfect words of comfort are not always easy, especially after competition. Regardless of the variations in personality profiles, parents and coaches alike need to reinforce the athlete’s efforts with sincere non-judgmental encouraging words. The following is a list of insightful statements athletes need to hear after competition:

  • I love watching you play!
  • I’m so proud of you.
  • I’m impressed by your skills.
  • I’m so grateful to be your parent.
  • You are so brave.
  • It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on-court.
  • You are so creative and skillful.
  • I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
  • It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
  • I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
  • I admire your courage to compete.
  • Your optimism is contagious- I love when you smile.
  • This is my favorite part of the week.
  • I love being your parent and/or coach.

Research shows that performing in the future as the Alpha competitor stems from a positive belief system.  Your words become their inner dialogue. Emotional aptitude is a learned behavior. Your child’s optimism and growth mindset should be molded daily. (Coach’s Note: Please send the above insightful list to the parents of your athletes.)

All the great coaches I’ve met have a strong need for connecting and belonging. Positive communication is vital for a happy, longstanding career. Exceptional communication builds better relationships, mutual respect, and trust which leads to success. Superior coaching is the art of changing an athlete in a non-dictatorial way.

The student-coach connection improves with effective communication via verbal and nonverbal communication channels. The following chapters will uncover several excellent recommendations for coaches and parents to immerse themselves in the art of listening.

 

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

 

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Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 2

Posted on September 11, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

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Is state of the art instruction about the instructor’s proficiency in performing drills, or is it about the instructor’s ability to connect with their student? Communicating above or below the digestion rate of the student is ineffective. While tennis knowledge and drilling efficiency are important, I believe a master teacher connects to the student and monitors the rate at which each student digests information. As we saw with Wendy and her father, the message received within the dialog is much more than the facts.

As I researched how to sharpen my communication skills, I realized that the way in which information is presented influences the outcome. I learned to focus on communicating honestly and with authenticity, but also to consider stressing or de-stressing the learning environment based on the energy in the room.

Successfully communicating the facts is highly dependent on WHAT message is being delivered and HOW the message is being delivered. The following list offers eight techniques I recommend applying to communicate effectively:

  • Intertwine sports science facts with personal, emotional storytelling.
  • Impart humor within a conversational tone to bond the relationship.
  • Avoid a distancing style with an elitist attitude and academic language.
  • Use inclusive pronouns like “We all need to…”
  • Apply cadences, rhythms, and dramatic pauses to accentuate meaning.
  • Vary their volume from a scream to a whisper to deepen the message.
  • Pull listeners in by modifying the pace of delivery from excited and fast to dramatic and slow.
  • Match and mirror the listener to make them more comfortable.

Great communicators presenting in groups or one-on-one have developed their presentation power. Armed with a full toolbox of delivery methods, they trade in intimidating, interrogating and dictating with sharing everyday experiences to engage the audience-which is the heart of genuinely connecting.

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Sharpening Healthier Communication -Part 1

Posted on September 7, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

 The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

 

Sharpening Healthier Communication

 

It’s dinner time at the Klein’s house. Mr. Klein and his daughter Wendy spent the day at a USTA level 3 girls 16’s event. Wendy was seeded #4 in the tournament. Her 9:00 am match went terribly wrong. Wendy’s serve percentages were catastrophically low and as a result, she suffered an embarrassing first-round loss.

Later that night at the dinner table the conversation quickly escalated from small talk to another tennis-related screaming match. As they passed the potatoes, another family dinner was ruined.  Mr. Klein wished he had an instruction manual for these heated exchanges.

Psychologists researching communication offer a concept called the Four-Sides Model. The theory states that Mr. Klein’s initial comment “Honey, your serve was really off today.” exposed four possible ways Wendy could accept the data:

  • As an impersonal factual stat.
  • Insights about Mr. Klein’s feelings.
  • As a personal underlining insult towards Wendy.
  • As an appeal for improvement.

The message Mr. Klein was intentionally trying to convey isn’t necessarily what was perceived by Wendy. Mr. Klein’s statement “Honey, your serve was really off today.” led to a whirlwind of problems between him and his daughter. This, in turn, spiraled into the silent treatment from his wife because once again their family harmony was disrupted.

For Mr. Klein, the factual data and appeal for improvement were the only reason for the statement. Wendy’s interpretation of his statement was polar opposite. Wendy felt awful because she believed that she had let her parents and coaches down. She also concluded that her father’s statement about her serve implied that she was not working hard enough and that she was a failure.

 

“Communication is less about what is being said and more about how the words are decoded by the listener.”

 

As coaches and parents communicate with their athlete, the athlete’s personality profile acts as a filter as they decode the information. Some athletes are wired to accept and enjoy the analysis of cold hard facts while others are wired to overlook the facts and instead zone into the emotional climate of the conversations. Each athlete connects the dots and paints the picture they choose to hear. An individual’s personality profile determines how one communicates. (We will interpret personality profiles in greater detail in coming chapters.)

 

 

 

 

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Frank’s European Podcast Interview

Posted on September 5, 2018 by in Radio Blog Post

Frank Giampaolo’s Podcast Interview with Sports Psychologist Adam Blicher

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Adam interviews Frank about his newest bestselling book The Soft Science of Tennis. Frank discusses the importance of developing strong emotional skill sets for improved success both on-court and off-court.

 

Podcast Topic:

How to Use Personality Profiling

How to Develop Character and Nurture Life Skills

How to Manage Risk and Fear

 

Link to the Podcast from Computer: https://bit.ly/2MsBwfQ

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Eliminating Internal Judgment- Part 3

Posted on September 2, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

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How to Strengthen Self Coaching Solution #4:
Identifying Internal Obstacles

Looking deeper into competitive success brings us to a fourth method, which is assisting athletes by identifying their internal obstacles. Although losing to a more experienced player stings a bit, losing to a toad because you have self-destructed is much more harrowing. The secret to conquering one’s inner demons stems from understanding the importance of self-coaching. It is essential to master self-coaching with positive inner dialog by exchanging judgmental tirades with calming routines and rituals.

 

“Overcoming internal obstacles is more satisfying at a deeper level than beating a top seed.”

 

Athletes perform best when they are not excessively judged or overly concerned about the outcome ramifications. Having outcome goals is fine, as long as their focus is on the process. To continually stay process-minded is the backbone of successful inner dialog. What influences athletes most in their toughest moments is their mental commentary. A healthy mindset orchestrates positive attitude, belief, and effort. So, what is competitive success? Competitive success is performing at one’s peak performance level set after set; the optimum victory for any athlete.

 

How to Strengthen Self Coaching Solution #5:
Monitoring Outer Dialog

The fifth method of nurturing a positive inner dialog is to ask the athlete to monitor their outer dialog under stressful conditions. An athlete’s outer dialog includes speech, body language and physical behavior, which are natural bi-products of an athlete’s internal dialog.

Monitoring this process begins with the athlete recognizing their automatic system of behavior under the stressful conditions of competition. Although it is common to default to old comfortable habits under stress; negative habits not only perpetuate pessimistic thought patterns, they alert the opponent that self-destruction is in the works. Self-spotting outer dialog behavior will help the athlete to recondition their inner dialog chatter.

 

 

How to Strengthen Self Coaching Solution #6:
Resist Attention Seeking Negative Dialog

A behavior management strategy is to coach the athlete to resist attention seeking negative dialog and behavior. Athletes gain sympathy by projecting pessimistic behaviors. A typical example of this is an athlete’s excessively loud mini-tantrum in competition to gain sympathy from spectators, family or coaches. In essence, the athlete is projecting, “I’m usually so much better than this…I must be having an unusually bad day!” Ironically, the tantrum is seen every day.

In my opinion, tactically ignoring the outbursts in hopes that they go away is not dialog management because an appropriate alternate behavior is needed.  An athlete’s dialog projects their thoughts and beliefs. Their voices have been simply programmed into their subconscious. Since they determine the course of their life, reprogramming their negative inner chatter is a battle worth fighting.

 

“Optimistic self-coaching is a wonderful technique to create better human beings on and off the tennis court.”

 

 

Here’s an alternate view of tennis parenting and tennis teaching. The conventional method has been to feel balls, criticize what’s broken and then focus on the athlete’s problem areas. This judgment based approach isn’t always in the student’s best interest. Why? Because it subliminally plants the toxic seeds of negative inner dialog and in competition, this learned behavior of focusing on what’s wrong opposes the natural flow state found in nonjudgmental, effortless, peak performance. Seeking “what is broken” isn’t part of performing in the zone or “treeing” as today’s juniors describe playing at one’s optimal level.

 

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Eliminating Internal Judgment – Part 2

Posted on August 29, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

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How to Strengthen Self Coaching Solution #2:
Judgments through Comparisons

Judgmental thoughts typically stem from past or future thought comparisons. Typical thoughts of comparison in the heat of battle include, “Jason beat this dude. I can’t lose, I’ve got to prove I’m better than Jason,” “Kristin is ranked below me, and if I lose today, she’ll take my spot on the team,” “What are my parents and coaches going to say if I lose?” “Here I go…Choking again!”

Judgmental thoughts play havoc in the minds of our competitive athletes every day. Athletes in competition, with judgmental comparison thoughts, contaminate the match play process, which results in fighting two opponents, simultaneously- their negative thoughts and the real opponent.

Advanced athletes seeking better results often don’t have to learn more technical skills; they have to shift their attention to developing better self-communication skills. Keep in mind that the athlete’s inner voice will be with them long after they stop competing on the tennis court. Isn’t it worth the time to assist them in developing their lifelong self-coaching tools? Winning is much more likely when our athletes understand the art of self-coaching.

 

How to Strengthen Self Coaching Solution # 3:
Positive Inner Dialog

The third method of conquering the athlete’s negative inner dialog is through positive self-coaching with Neuro Priming. It is estimated that individuals have roughly 60,000 thoughts per day. Trading in a turbulent mental state for a relaxed, calming proactive state is essential.

What is Neuro Priming and why is it an essential addition to an athlete’s preparation? Neuro Priming is the science of preprogramming the athlete’s inner trust in their match solutions.

Mental rehearsals customize each athlete’s positive inner dialog by organizing their physical, mental and emotional solutions into audio recordings in their voice. Listening to one’s inner dialog audio tapes increases tennis IQ, reprograms old pessimistic beliefs, changes negative behaviors, speeds up the learning process, increases focus, assists the athletes in quickly fixing stroke flaws, staying on their script of patterns, coping with stress, nervousness and the fear of failure. Neuro Priming isn’t meant to replace on-court physical training; its purpose is to enhance it. It’s self-coaching at its best. (Visit #1 Best Seller on Amazon: Neuro Priming for Peak Performance, Giampaolo).

 

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Eliminating Internal Judgment Part 1

Posted on August 24, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

 

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My neighbor, Pete, owns Pete’s Home Repair Specialist. He’s a super friendly independent contractor. Due to his excellent soft science personal skills, Pete’s always in high demand.  His decades of experience have taught him that detailed preparation prevents poor performance. Pete’s truck is like an encyclopedia of tools organized by alphabet and ready for action. Though Pete doesn’t need all of his tools at every job, he brings every tool, just in case he needs it.

This analogy is very similar to a high-performance tennis player’s tool belt. In matches, they may not need to employ every skill set developed in their tool belt, but they do need to have primary and secondary strokes ready for competition, as well as multiple patterns and plays developed and prepared to be accessed if needed. Life skills, such as preparation improve the athlete’s confidence, inner dialogue, and of course, solution-based self-coaching skills.

 

“In the heat of battle, the voice inside each athlete is their driving force.”

 

In match play, an athlete’s internal dialog is their self-coaching. Internal dialog is the conversation their ego is having with themselves. Athletes have a habitual way they choose to navigate their matches. When they see competition in a negative light, their internal dialog is dark. Conversely, when they “see pressure as a privilege,” to quote Billy Jean King, their self-coaching is more positive, uplifting, and optimistic. The question is: Where did the athlete learn their internal dialog mantras?

An athlete’s negative, problem-oriented inner dialog sabotages their performance by interfering with their quiet mind. To some athletes, negative inner dialog spirals them into a self-defeating, under-arousal state. To others, it pushes them into a panicked, over-arousal state. Both are detrimental to performance. As I mentioned earlier, an athlete’s non-stop inner dialogue is either helping or hurting their performance. Intermediate athletes are known to sabotage their play by criticizing themselves, worrying about losing and inventing post-match catastrophic conclusions during competition.

 

How to Strengthen Self Coaching Solution#1:
Video Analysis

One method of combating the athlete’s negative self-dialog begins with videotaping tournament matches and providing non-hitting match play video analysis. This process accesses the specific stressful environment that needs to be studied.

As the high IQ coach quantifies the match data alongside the athlete, I recommend identifying how the athlete’s inner dialog helped or hurt their performance.  Were they able to self-coach successfully?  When providing match play analysis, remember to apply the five optimistic comments for every one pessimistic statement. Following are video analysis topics the athlete and coach would be wise to discuss.

 

Match Play Video Analysis

  • Strokes & Movement Efficiencies & Deficiencies
  • Anticipatory Efficiencies & Deficiencies
  • Staying on Script. (Top 7 Patterns)
  • Opponent Profiling
  • Between Point & Change-Over Rituals & Routines
  • Emotional Control
  • Focus Control
  • Cause of Errors
  • Court Positioning Cause & Effect
  • Score Management

Athletes who are trained to monitor their emotions and inner dialog via post-match video analysis are much more likely to become aware of the software complexities of competition.

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Nonverbal Communication- Part 3

Posted on August 21, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

 

Utilizing Written Communication

The human brain is divided into several regions. Each region processes different forms of incoming information. Listening to verbal instruction engages the auditory region of the brain, while physically writing notes engages the spatial awareness region of the brain. Athletes who collect data in two regions of the brain have a greater chance of retaining a higher proportion of key facts and recalling the information later in competition.

 

Post Lesson Written Reviews

I have been applying post lesson written reviews for decades. My athletes are encouraged to take the last few minutes of their training session to write down their top lesson topics and future action plans. Some of my current students still prefer the old school paper and pen journaling while others use their cell phone notepad and to-do apps. Either way, written reminders are an important version of nonverbal communication.

Benefits Include:

  • Writing lesson reviews work to preview the athlete’s developmental plan via time management.
  • Documenting helps to de-stress and relax the athlete as it unloads cognitive baggage. Athletes can read and re-read their notes to review the lesson.
  • It’s estimated that within 24 hours, up to 80% of what our students learn they soon forget. Writing it down helps athletes to digest more information.
  • Writing down important solutions helps re-enforce recall. It enables the athlete to memorize more efficiently and recall as needed.
  • Documenting assists in organizing and assimilating the new information received.
  • Writing down solutions act as the first visualization rehearsal further solidifying the memorization of the data.

The Soft Science of Tennis aims to improve the learning curve. Applying these methods maximize athletic potential at a quicker rate.

 

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