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Tennis Emotional Toughness- Part 4

Posted on May 25, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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The Real Talent Is Emotional Toughness

 

6. Embrace Failure
Initial failures are the beginning of the long road to success. They are your teachers. It’s often through setbacks that your customized secrets to success are found.

7. Step Up and Take Responsibility
A challenge for many athletes is to not allow parents or coaches to routinely solve their problems for them. Solve your problems yourself versus tapping out when difficulties arise.

8. Take Competitive Risks
Being scared to leave your comfort zone stalls the growth you seek. Take the risk…or grow old wondering if you were ever good enough.

9.Ask Experts About Their Story
You’ll quickly realize that failing is what winners do often. Winners often don’t have the most physical talent. They most often possess the positive emotional qualities you seek.

10. Organize a New Developmental Plan
Success stems from spectacular preparation. A brand new deliberate, customized developmental plan along with intelligent game day preparation could make all the difference in the world.

Tennis Emotional Toughness- Part 3

Posted on May 22, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports, Maximizing Tennis Potential

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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The Real Talent Is Emotional Toughness

 

11. Apply Positive Visualization

Winners use positive visualization by imagining themselves executing their best patterns and plays without hesitation. Less successful athletes are overcome with negative visualization, which of course overwhelms their thought processes with visions of failure.

 12. Train Under Game Day Stress
Athletes need to train much more than just their physical techniques and athleticism in practice. They have to get comfortable… being uncomfortable.

 13.Rehearse Tolerance
Overcome hardships and pain in practice. Simulating stress in practice provides you with the opportunity to conquer your emotional demons. By doing so, reoccurring game day negative thoughts are replaced by positive thoughts such as: “I’ve done this before, I’ve conquered this several times and I know I can overcome this again because I have done it often.”

 14. Learn to Compartmentalize Emotions
Great athletes stay in their optimal performance frame of mind during discomfort by staying on script (pre-set protocol). This entails choosing to mentally focus on the job at hand by overriding the emotional contaminants, thus not letting emotions control the show.

 15. Stop Feeding Negative. Emotions

Flip constantly feeding the problems, worries, and fears with customizing protocols which feeds optimism, courage, resiliency, and fortitude. Athletes should have pre-set triggers (words and actions) that help them focus on positive plays and patterns.

Tennis Emotional Toughness- Part 2

Posted on May 20, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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The Real Talent Is Emotional Toughness

Sadly, emotionally weak competitors often ignore the development of such skills.  Cultivating these character traits is what propels the few into the winners’ circle. If you believe that your emotions are holding you, hostage, on game day and keeping you from the success you deserve, I suggest focusing your attention on the below list of solutions

 

SOLUTION #20: Fifteen Solutions to Foster Emotional Strength

  1. Nurture the Love of Competition
    Studies show that experiences bring more joy than possessions. The energy of the event is contagious. Athletes should enjoy competing against their past, fatigue, opponents, and against time.
  2.  Commit to Improving
    Being the best of the best (even in your town) doesn’t come without extreme effort. Improve your performance by understanding emotional aptitude.
  3. Recognize That You Can’t Be Normal …and a Champion
    Champions lead very different lives than normal people. Being an athletic champion is a daily lifestyle.
  4. Customize Your Training
    Realize that diligent customized training trumps social, group learning. Research shows, on average, group training takes up to six times longer than quality private training.
  5. Adopt a Growth Mind-Set
    Great skills are cultivated through continuous effort more so than initial talent or IQ. Without effort…you fail by default. Understand that success starts with the effort of optimism and a growth mindset.

 

Tennis Emotional Toughness- Part 1

Posted on May 18, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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The Real Talent Is Emotional Toughness

 

Emotional Aptitude Is a Skill

At the start of a Southern California junior tennis tournament, the referee calls Kristen Michaels and Jenny Scott to court number four for their match. Kristen seemed to be a super fit, committed athlete with poise, and solid fundamentals.  She was dressed from head to toe in the newest Nike gear with her hair braided to perfection. She walked onto the court, unpacked her Wimbledon tournament towel, Gatorade, and water bottle as she meticulously lined them up next to her chair. She then selected two rackets from her Nike tour bag as she “pings” them together to listen for the perfect string tension. Deciding on one, she immediately started shadow swinging and shuffling her feet as she waited for the umpire to perform the mandatory coin toss.

Jenny on the other hand, did not appear to be as polished. In fact, she looked downright amateur in her California board shorts and surfer T-shirt. At the coin toss, Jenny was still wrestling through her tennis bag looking for a hair tie as the umpire yells “heads or tails?” Jenny grabs the only racket she brought and calmly saunters towards the net. She lets Kristin choose to serve or return. Jenny couldn’t care less.

The 5-minute pre-match warm-up started and Kristen looked like a professional.  Her movement and strokes were flawless.  Jenny, on the other side of the net, looked unorthodox, as she scrambled to return the ball back Kristin’s way.

The referee called time and the match started. Most watching were sure Kristen was going to blow Jenny off the court. But to the spectator’s surprise, Kristin was struggling, down 0-2 within the first 5 minutes of play. The beautiful strokes we had witnessed in the warm-up were gone. By game 3, Kristin reached her maximum frustration tolerance level. She couldn’t keep a backhand in the court as Jenny profiled her opponent and systematically hit every ball to Kristin’s ailing backhand side. Kristen was angry, stomping around, yelling at herself, screaming at her racket, her coach, and her mom.  Jenny, on the other hand, was a composed warrior relentlessly picking on Kristin’s weakness. Within 45 minutes, Jenny went on to win 6-2, 6-0. After the match, Jenny’s mom was overheard only uttered three words “Who wants Taco’s?”

As illustrated above, emotional aptitude isn’t typically identifiable until after competition begins. What separates the elite competitors from the emotionally fragile athletes is their ability to thrive under perceived stress. Emotional aptitude is the ability to overcome hardships and to destress situations rather than magnify stressful situations. Athletes struggling with poor emotional aptitude lack confidence, composure, suffer bouts of self-doubt, and possess an overwhelming fear of being judged by others. These performance meltdowns often go unseen in practice but shine in all their glory on game day.

Elite competitors are confident that their superior emotional strength will override any hardships and physical limitations. The emotionally weak athletes are convinced that the unfair hardships and their perceived limitations will override their peak performance and catastrophe will once again occur.

An old school word used to describe emotional aptitude is Grit. In regards to high achievers, researchers have come to the conclusion that successful individuals possess traits deeper than the mastery of athletic ability.  Grit is persistent courage, resolve, and strength of character. Grit is the learned ability to have “nerves of steel,” fortitude and determination. Interestingly, some athletes are pre-wired to have these essential components and some are not. For those athletes who are not natural combatants, developing emotional aptitude is critical.

 

Tennis – Rethinking Stress- Part 2

Posted on May 16, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Rethinking Stress

 

SOLUTION #18: How to Perform Better In High-Pressure Situations

Extraordinary athletes have all found a way to perform in high-pressure environments. One re-occurring theme in this book is that the cleanest fundamentals (in practice) are of zero value if the athlete can’t access them when they need them the most.

The solution to dealing with the high pressure of competition is to begin to re-label pressure situations. Instead of calling it a stressful time, say, “Here we go, it’s a challenging time!” Flipping a negative mental approach into a challenging positive approach provides the athlete with an attainable goal.  By making a conscious effort to replace the focus on what you DON’T want to happen (don’t choke, don’t overthink, don’t miss, and don’t lose) with positive imagery of what you Do want to happen, you will be pre-setting success.

To illustrate how your thoughts control your actions, try this old school psychological exercise: Repeat to yourself 10 times: “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,”  “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza.” After the tenth time. Close your eyes. What subconsciously enters your brain? PIZZA!

Often the more you try to suppress a thought, the more you strengthen it.

By thinking about negative thoughts before performing, we are “willing” negative results. Studies reveal that if we replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, our brain will over-ride the negative beliefs. Going into competition without positive mental imagery, such as top pattern play, allows the mind to wander. So to perform better in high-pressure situations, it is imperative for an athlete to trust their training and to fill their thoughts with positive pattern play.

Remember, stress is inherent in athletic competition. But it’s how you choose to let it control your performance that typically separates the extraordinary athletes from the rest of the field.

 

SOLUTION #19: The Antidote for Emotional Sustainability

Remaining in the right frame of mind throughout an athlete’s journey is emotional persistence. Most often, future behavior is driven by emotional reasons. This is why reminding yourself daily of the positive motivational forces is so important. Take 10 minutes each day to focus on gratitude. Simply being thankful for your environment, your possessions, your friends, family, and coaches helps keep your athletic achievements in a healthy perspective.

 

Gratitude is a quick 10 minute cleansing of the soul.

 

Studies show that meditating for 10 minutes daily with the focus on your blessings helps ward off stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. I’ve read many experts in the field of psychology encouraging us to rethink meditation. Let go of the old school image of a Tibetan monk wrapped in a red robe sitting on a mountain and replace it with a new definition, which is the thought of a daily mental, emotional cleansing.

Tennis- Rethinking Stress- Part 1

Posted on May 13, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

 

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Rethinking Stress

A very common view within the athletic community is that stress is the enemy in competition- the more stress felt, the worse the performance. Essentially believing that nothing good comes from stress.  But this belief couldn’t be further from the truth. Stress is actually very beneficial to the competitive athlete. Athletes who accept that stress is part of competition, are actually healthier competitors and much more likely to succeed.  How one views competition, ultimately determines the effects that stress has on their performance. In fact, on the playing fields, chasing excellence is better for your well-being than trying to avoid the stress (pain) of competition.

Let’s join up with Evan and Jarrod one last time. This time to discuss their take on the stress of competition.

Question: How does stress in competition affect performance?

Evan: When I feel stressed, my heart beats faster, raising my adrenaline levels and pumping more oxygen throughout my body.  I see stress as a plus- preparing me for the battle. Stress tells me it’s “GO TIME” and I focus better. Without the stress, there wouldn’t be extra hormones running through my body giving me an extra boost. 

Jarrod: In the past, when I’m freaking out … My stomach hurt and I became irritable, overwhelmed, and angry. All I would think about is the outcome and I panicked and choked.  I guess I chose to go that route. I used to be an idiot …

Frank’s Tip: Stress isn’t the culprit. It’s how individuals choose to view stress. If you’re a bit like Jarrod, it is time to apply stress management solutions to help you flip your attitude and learn to use stress to improve your performance.

Final thoughts on Evan and Jarrod: I had a feeling that Evan would help provide young athletes with an optimistic, solution-based voice coming from their peer group. Honestly, I was very worried about Jarrod at the beginning of this process. I speculated wrongly that his narcissistic views couldn’t be swayed. As we dug deeper into the benefits of emotional aptitude, Jarrod slowly but surely changed his rigid stance and began to accept this developmental process. I couldn’t be more pleased that Jarrod is now on board.

 

SOLUTION #17: Basic Stress Management Strategies

  • Apply physical activity to burn off excess stress hormones- go for a short-run before checking in to the event.
  • Apply relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation.
  • Flip the negative frame of mind with a more positive frame of mind.
  • Set aside time for non-competitive hobbies, such as playing a musical instrument or reading a motivational book.
  • Get plenty of sleep and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
  • Understand that viewing stress as a positive builds confidence.

 

Sports and Optimism – Part 3

Posted on May 10, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Question: Do you think feedback from coaches and parents is helpful?

Evan: Yes, I like it when they compliment me on my effort the most. But it interests me to hear all their observations. It helps me improve.

Jarrod: I typically don’t welcome feedback. I pretty much know why I won or lost. I don’t need their comments…I’m smart, remember?

By reading the initial Q & A from the twins, you can see how one’s mindset affects everything. It’s important to note that the individual’s fixed or growth mindset determines critical life development. The good news is that fixed mindsets don’t have to be permanent. Athletes are not chained to their old belief systems.

In my 30 years of working with National Champions, I’ve found that winners are the ones who choose to master their sport. Mastery stems from devoting your heart and soul, which is emotional aptitude. The beauty is that developing a growth mindset improves not only the athlete’s career but their attitude, relationships, and health.

 

Changing a Fixed Mindset

Ideally, every time you hear your old, pessimistic, fixed mindset making excuses for you, acknowledge that just maybe your fixed mindset is mirroring your own false insecurities, stunting your growth, and limiting your opportunities. Having a growth mindset requires a willingness to try new solutions. Below are six common scenarios that play out in the minds of many athletes. Athletes have to replace their old pessimistic thoughts with new optimistic thoughts. When the fixed mindset states something negative, the new improved growth mindset should answer with a positive solution to the problem.

 

Fixed-Mindset: says, “Maybe I don’t have the talent. I shouldn’t waste my time training 100%.”

Growth-Mindset: answers, “Even if lose a bit now, with a customized development plan and effort I can build the skills necessary to succeed.”

 

Fixed Mindset: says, “Confrontation is so intimidating and frightening. It’s scary and unsettling.”

Growth Mindset: answers, “High-performance sports are confrontational, but it’s not personal, it’s the nature of the environment.”

 

Fixed Mindset: says, “What if I fail… I’ll be seen by peers, friends, and family as a failure.”

Growth Mindset: answers, “Most successful athletes have failed hundreds of times throughout their career. Failure is a natural part of growth.”

 

Fixed Mindset: says, “If I fake an injury or don’t try, I can protect my ego and keep my dignity.”

Growth Mindset: answers, “Lying to myself is an automatic failure. Where’s the integrity in that?”

 

Fixed Mindset: says “If I can’t be perfect, there’s no use in trying.”

Growth Mindset: answers, “champions in every sport are simply excellent not perfect. I’ll shoot for that. Perfectionism is toxic.”

 

Fixed Mindset: says, “It’s not my fault. The coach doesn’t like me. My parents are pushing me…”

Growth Mindset: answers, “Solutions stem from developing life skills like taking responsibility, persistency, resiliency, and better organizational skills. What can I do to progress?”

 

Your voice is your choice

It’s important to note that athletes need to be accountable for their mindset, attitude, and outlook. If you feel you have a bit of a fixed mindset, listen and spot those negative voices. It takes effort and commitment to flip a fixed mindset with a new, proactive growth mindset. Congratulations are in order for those of you willing to improve your mindset.

Along the lines of mindsets, improving one’s life skills promotes a healthier, self-reliant individual. Life skills are universal stepping stones necessary to succeed in sports and life. At the heart of emotional aptitude is the ability to be self-reliant and self-disciplined, two of my favorite life skills.

 

Parents, if you’re hovering over your junior athlete and solving every problem for them, you’re affectionately known as a Helicopter Parent. By doing so, you’re actually stunting the growth of the essential life lesson skills you seek.

 

No matter the age, coping with success and failure, and managing one’s emotions are skills worth developing. The physical value of participating in sports is only the beginning. Champions take life skill development seriously. Ownership of life skills is the pathway toward developing a strong moral character. Virtues such as courage, fortitude, resiliency, and honesty define strong moral character. With these traits, an athlete has the opportunity to reach their full potential.

 

Sports and Optimism- Part 2

Posted on May 8, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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SOLUTION # 1: Say Something Positive

Start and end each day saying something good. Make a great effort to start each conversation with a positive observation. Make it a habit to flip negative thoughts, feelings, and remarks into positive ones. Optimism is contagious, so take the tidbits you learn from this book and empower others, inspire others, and be the optimistic voice everyone respects.

SOLUTION #2: Shift from Negative to Positive Development

In academia, there’s a movement called positive psychology – a commitment to building and improving one’s best qualities.  Instead of focusing exclusively on repairing your weaknesses, the positive psychology movement focuses also on improving your strengths. To succeed at the higher echelons of each sport, major strengths have to be nurtured. Though I am not implying that weakness don’t have to be strengthened, I am suggesting that major gains can also be made by improving an athlete’s strengths.

Research shows that life skills development is a byproduct of an athlete’s mindset. Without the proper mindset, improvement in all areas of life is a constant internal struggle. First, let’s clarify the difference between fixed and growth mindsets.

Fixed Mindset: The belief that talent and intelligence are inborn.

Growth Mindset: The belief that talent and intelligence can be developed throughout a lifetime.

With this concept in mind, let’s expose why a growth mindset is a necessity in high-performance sports.  Throughout this book, I’ll be illustrating both positive and negative developmental strategies by sharing an informal observational study of two of my students, Evan and Jarrod. The teens are identical twins from Southern California. While their genetics and upbringing are indistinguishable, the boys possess very different personality profiles and views of how this world works.

Let’s see how Evan and Jarrod answer the following developmental questions and how nurturing emotional aptitude actually changes one of the twin’s mindsets …for the better.

 

Question: What’s your mindset and does it determine your behavior?

Evan: I think I have a growth mindset. I can’t imagine anyone thinking they already know it all…about everything.

Jarrod: Well, everyone tells me I’m super smart. So I guess I’m special. If you’re naturally smart and more athletic, sports are simple. So that must mean I have a fixed mindset, right?

 

Question: What motivates you to compete at a high level?

Evan: I enjoy the challenge of improving. Competing against the best demands I grow both as an athlete and a person. I see competition as an information-gathering mission. I learn from losses.

Jarrod: I’m just naturally good at everything. I don’t have to work as hard as others, so I guess I am motivated to compete with the best to show them my awesome skills.

 

Question: In competition, what happens to you when you hit a major setback?

Evan: This is where my growth mindset kicks into gear. I love problem-solving. Those moments push me to grow.

Jarrod: My parents think I quit trying when things don’t go my way. They think I’m not motivated to fight. I hate to admit it, but when it seems like my opponent is going to win, I lose interest in competing and I emotionally quit. I guess it’s to protect my ego or something…

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Sports and Optimism- Part 1

Posted on May 4, 2020 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports, Maximizing Tennis Potential

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

 

With the world in disarray over the COVID-19 outbreak, there is no better time to re-focus your efforts and mindset.  The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude in Sports. All the Best, Frank

 

Optimism, Mindsets and Life Skillsea-in-sports4a_2d

There is no other way to start this book than with a glance into one of the most important topics of my life: Choosing optimism versus pessimism. Optimism is an attitude of being hopeful about the future and choosing to seek the positive versus the negative in each situation. Whereas pessimism is an attitude of doom and gloom towards the future and choosing see and/or anticipate only undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, and problems.

 

Choosing optimism isn’t just a philosophy, it’s a life strategy.

This book identifies emotional problems in high-performance sports, but most importantly it will focus its energy on the solutions. Now, before you get all skeptical, let me say, I get it, being negative is far easier than being positive. Why? Since birth, we’re all nurtured to be on the lookout for the bad. From relatives to teachers to the media, we’re bombarded by the negative. The doom and gloom subject matters seem to be the reoccurring themes.  Ironically, no one was born with a negative mindset. The world put that toxic poison inside us.

Sure, bad things occasionally happen, but so do good things. Studies clearly show that obsessing about “what’s wrong” has very little solution-based value.  I find it a bit wacky that most people seem content to vent about their problems, yet are afraid to be grateful for their blessings. It’s almost as if we’re superstitious. If I talk about the “good stuff,” someone will take it away.

In my experience, optimism is the quickest path to greater achievements. It’s the booster of the rocket ship.

The beauty of sports is that we “get” to participate…we don’t “have” to participate.

The advantages of optimism is a popular college research topic.  Findings prove that optimistic athletes enjoy benefits that their negative counterparts miss out on. Examples include:

  • Happiness and Gratefulness
  • Physical and Mental Health
  • Inner Peace and Calmness
  • Confidence and Trust
  • Popularity (Sunny dispositions attract others…)
  • Complain and Worry Less
  • Hopefulness and Openness

The Real Talent Is Emotional Toughness- Part 3

Posted on November 9, 2018 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports, Maximizing Tennis Potential

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

ea-in-sports4a_final

 

 

After reading this book, it is my hope that you, the athlete, understand a simple concept- to strengthen emotional aptitude, you must take deliberate customized action and set aside time to focus on improving yourself each and every day. Not just improving your game …Not just improving your swing… But improving yourself, which is the essence of emotional stability.

 

Simply improve yourself… And your game will improve.

 

Most athletes live in their “Comfort Zone” –  doing what everyone else appears to be doing, playing it safe, not taking risks or sticking to the road of least resistance. I urge you to leave that false belief system and venture into the “Learning Zone” – doing what’s uncomfortable, choosing the unknown and often more difficult path, trying methods that are new to you or exploring new ideas. If you read this book and then return only to your old, comfortable training methods, it is unlikely your will get the results you are capable of achieving.

Each section of this book, from the solutions to the story telling, is essentially assisting you in doing something extremely difficult … and that something is change. I’m not talking about changing your equipment, your environment or your coaches, I’m talking about changing your routines and rituals. Many athletes may say they want to improve but their words do not match their actions.

To improve you must be WILLING to acquire new routines and rituals and to be DISCIPLINED with their implementation.

 

Any great coach knows that an athlete’s rituals predicts their success or failure.

 

In storytelling, it is my intention to invoke an emotional response which leads to resourcefulness.

That’s why the experiences of the twins; Evan and Jarrod, resonate. Their opinions connect because their stories are all too familiar. Even though their comments represent both positive and negative points of view, their voices are a call to action.

I’d like to offer a warning for those not quite ready to commit to self-improvement. Please don’t expect your results to dramatically change without transforming your emotional aptitude.

 

Self-discipline is doing what needs to be done, even if you don’t want to do it.

 

For those of you who are ready to make emotional aptitude improvements a priority, congratulations, you are on the road to making your dreams a reality. Commit to the process and begin organizing your customized action plan. Each day specify the time needed to begin your metamorphosis.

 

Dabbling here and there in the developmental process is procrastination and is not a proactive life skill. Maximizing potential begins with maximum commitment.

Recognize that change can be uncomfortable and painful in the beginning. It may even be chaotic and stressful in the thick of it.  But change is incredibly rewarding and oh so sweet in the end.