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Athletic Lesson- The Laundry List

Posted on October 31, 2017 by in Parent Player Communication, Raising Athletic Royalty

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Maximizing Tennis Potential with Frank Giampaolo

 

ADVERSITY

LESSON:  The Laundry List

“Great game men,” said Coach Stevens. “You guys are improving every week. We are one heck of a football team! Every one of you gave it your all out there and I’m so proud! Keep up the good work! I’ll see you Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. at Riley Park for practice… READY BREAK!”

Every kid was smiling and laughing walking off the game day field, except for Randy.

Randy knew what was to come. As he slowly headed toward his father’s car his stomach was a churning ball of knots. Randy added a limp to his gait to support the ever-present fake injury. He placed his cell phone in hand to begin to text his friend about homework the moment he got into the car. These were just a few of the aversion tactics Randy regularly employed to lessen the barrage of criticism that was sure to come from his father. If he pretended to be injured and was addressing the importance of homework he needed to complete, then his father may go easy on him.

You see Randy’s dad believed that he was actually helping Randy by watching every game and compiling a detailed laundry list of Randy’s failed plays, mistakes and improvement issues. Randy’s dad didn’t even realize that he was destroying his son’s confidence and self-esteem by pointing out his every flaw. No matter how good Randy was, it was not good enough. No matter how long Randy trained, it was not long enough. No matter how many things Randy fixed, his dad would find more flaws.

Mr. Wilson did not have a clue that the only thing he was cultivating was excuses, no effort and zero enjoyment for the sport, not to mention a seriously unhealthy family environment. After all, why in the world would Randy want to play if it only led to a new laundry list of why he’s so slow, uncoordinated and stupid?

Parents, remember that the only comments you should make directly after competition are motivational and positive comments like: “I wish I had the guts to go out there and perform like that.”, “I think it’s so cool watching you out there.”, “You’re getting better and better everything day.”, “Did you have fun out there today?” or “You’re playing great; let me know if I can help you with anything!” Motivating the growth you seek comes from optimism and not from pessimism. Continually reminding your children of their failures is futile. Instead, after each game or practice session, support your child’s efforts with love and praise.

If you or your spouse possess this dreaded parental laundry list of failure disease, begin to replace the list of negative remarks with positive ones.

If you deeply feel that your laundry list is insightful and important to the growth of your child, I suggest asking the coach if you can email the list to him after the game. Then ask him if he can pay special attention to those issues. Chances are that your child will accept the valid feedback if it is presented by the coach instead of the parent. A good coach should have a better way of presenting the issues in an optimistic and positive light.

 

 

Establishing Expectations and Guidelines

Posted on April 26, 2017 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers!  Click Here to Order

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ESTABLISHING EXPECTATIONS AND GUIDELINES

 

“Being coachable is when the eagerness to improve overrides the fear of change.”

 

Parents and coaches, plan on communicating your expectations to your athlete and entourage of coaches and trainers to develop an important alliance with the team. Defining the behaviors you expect from your athlete’s during both practice as well as in match play will pave the road for excellence in tennis and in life. This is especially important for the beginner and intermediate levels of the game.

 

My Top Twenty Tennis Coaching and Parental Expectations:

  1. Place effort and improvement over having to win the match, social game or live ball drill.
  2. On the court be grateful, enthusiastic and polite.
  3. Arrive 10 minutes before your scheduled practice session to prepare.
  4. Arrive on court dressed and ready to compete.
  5. Avoid complaining or criticizing others.
  6. Give the coach your best efforts and your undivided attention.
  7. When the coach is talking, hold the balls. Stop, look him or her in the eyes and listen.
  8. No cell phones allowed on court.
  9. Move quickly between drills and during ball pick up. Yes, the student helps pick up balls!
  10. Hustle and give 100% effort.
  11. Avoid negative tones, body language, and facial expressions.
  12. Avoid using profanity.
  13. Admit mistakes and understand the cause of the error.
  14. Come to practice with a pre-set game plan and an eagerness to learn.
  15. Be open to constructive criticism.
  16. 16. Be willing to develop your weaknesses.
  17. Stay fully committed and focused for the entire training session.
  18. Rehearse staying focused and in a positive frame of mind for the entire training session.
  19. Be aware of mistake management and unforced error accountability.
  20. Practice in the manner you are expected to perform.

 

“Choosing to train below their capability breeds mediocrity.”

 

Athletes training without their deliberate, customized developmental plan in mind may be putting in high quantity, low quality work. This stunts their growth and tremendously minimizes any chance at performing at full potential.

 

Acknowledge Your Child’s Efforts

Posted on April 16, 2017 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

Wishing you a Happy Easter Weekend!

 

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers!  Click Here to Order

 

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MAINTAINING POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

Parents and coaches, your words can both destroy or heal. The belief that you inspire stems from your delivery, your choice of words, tone of voice, facial expressions, and attitude. Be aware of your communication approach.

Acknowledging Your Child’s Efforts

Once a month, throughout the course of your youngster’s tennis career plan on sitting down and writing a letter stating how proud you are of them. Place it on their bed at night.

It’s my bet that most adults could not handle the pressure a serious junior competitor endures day in and day out. Take a few moments to acknowledge how proud you are of their efforts. Thank them for the courage they show as they lay it on the line week after week.

Acknowledging Your Child’s Efforts

Posted on September 12, 2016 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, Parent Player Communication

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order Maximizing Tennis Potential with Frank Giampaolo

 

Acknowledging Your Child’s Efforts

Once a month, throughout the course of your youngsters tennis career (or any committed passion your child may have…), plan on sitting down and writing a letter stating how proud you are of them. Place it on their bed at night.

It’s my bet that most adults could not handle the pressure a serious junior competitor endures day in and day out. Take a few moments to acknowledge how proud you are of their efforts. Thank them for the courage they show as they lay it on the line week after week.

 

PARENT PLAYER HARMONY

Posted on August 17, 2016 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order

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PARENT PLAYER HARMONY

 

“The parent coach relationship is a true partnership.”

One of the most important duties of a parent is to instill harmony along the journey. Through a parent’s unconditional love and support, the ultimate outcome of the athletic journey should be to create a well-balanced, world class adult.

 

Behaviors that Foster Parent-Player Harmony Checklist:

  • Leave notes under their pillow reminding them how proud you are of their efforts.
  • After a loss, give your child time and space.
  • On a daily basis, be effort orientate versus outcome orientated.
  • Understand the parents’ job descriptions.
  • Abide by the tennis parent match day guidelines.
  • Put visions and goals in writing to keep the team on same page.
  • Remember that your actions speak louder than your words.

 

“A parent should hold the athlete accountable for poor behavior. Instilling manors and good sportsmanship is part of the balanced approach.”

 

CONTACT: Frank Giampaolo FGSA@earthlink.net

Spotting Tennis Burnout

Posted on July 19, 2016 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers!  Click Here to Order

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QUESTION: How do we spot tennis burn out?

 

Frank: Did you know that even the very best in the business don’t stay in their “Optimal Performance State” year around? ATP and WTA tour professionals rarely play more than three events in a row. They need the critical “down” time to re-charge, heal and fix flaws.

It’s not in your child’s best interest to force them to try to stay in their peak performance state 365 days a year. Taking a week off to re-charge the physical, mental and emotional batteries may help your child peak when it counts most. This is part of the periodization cycle. Yes- taking time off may help them to be more committed and focused when their tennis training commences- leading to better results.

NOTE: The number one reason junior players’ report that they want to quit tennis is due to overzealous parents unknowingly pushing them past the healthy limits.

While developing high performance athletes, I am constantly on high-alert for the warning signs of burn out. The signs of burn out can be physical, mental or emotional. Let’s look at some typical signs to assist you in knowing when it’s time for your athlete to take a break from their tennis quest.

 

20 Signs of Tennis Burn Out:

1) Multiple injuries.

2) Reduced flexibility in their body.

3) Complaining about fatigue.

4) Reduced concentration.

5) Fear of competition.

6) Lack of emotional control.

7) Poor judgment.

8) Decreased opponent awareness.

9) Negative verbal or physical outbursts.

10) Pessimism.

11) Lack of motivation to practice or to hit the gym.

12) Unwillingness to compete in a tournament.

13) Poor equipment preparation.

14) Appearing slow and heavy with no energy.

15) Lack of anticipation and agility.

16) Short attention span.

17) Inability to concentration.

18) Lack of concern about performance goals.

19) Low patience.

20) A sense of hopelessness.

 

In my opinion, if your child is showing several of the above negative signs and seems to be in a downward spiral, it may be in their best interest to put down the racquets for a while. A true contender can only stay away for a short time. Parents, allow them to heal. Then slowly re-start a deliberate customized developmental process.

SPECIAL NOTE: During your child’s time off court, encourage them to stay in physical shape by enjoying non-tennis cross training.

 

CONTACT: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net

Should Parents Be Encouraged to Watch Practice?

Posted on January 28, 2016 by in Parent Player Communication, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

“Frank Giampaolo has created a masterpiece for the competitive junior tennis player’s parents.  The Tennis Parent Bible, in its’ second edition, clearly spells out what tennis parents need to know and understand about how to navigate their tennis playing children through this maze of highly competitive and  performance driven tennis.  Don’t think about this one!  Just read it!”Lane Evans

Lane Evans, USPTA Elite Professional, iTPA Master Tennis Performance Specialist

 

 

The following post is a Q & A excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible Now Available in paperback and ebook with Amazon!!! Click Here to Order

 

QUESTION: Should parents be discouraged or encouraged to watch practice?

Frank: I encourage the parents to be involved in the learning process. There’s so much “GOOD” that comes from positive entourage synergy. However, there are two situations in which I will speak privately with the parents and explain to them that their presence during the practice session may be stunting the growth they seek.

The first situation is if the child has told me that their efforts are constantly being overly criticized by their parents or if the parents are so outcome driven, the athlete feels immense added pressure to perform perfectly or else. Athletes and their parents should seek excellence …not perfection.

“Stress and fear are not optimal learning environments. Maximizing potential comes with the freedom of making mistakes.”

Players need to experiment and try things “their own way.” Junior athletes have often confided in me that when their primary tennis parent is in attendance, they’re later bombarded for hours with a laundry list of additional failures that need to be fixed. The player begins to feel hopeless – believing that they will never be good enough.

The second situation in which a parental discussion is in order involves overly protective, mildly obsessed parents. In today’s world, they are commonly called “Helicopter” parents. The nickname comes from their neurotic hovering on and around the court every session as they attempt to dominate the coach-athlete relationship. (If you suspect that you or your spouse may be a bit of a helicopter parent, the next question is for you.)

Parents, if your child feels additional stress from your presents, it’s in everyone’s best interest to take the time to get educated in the process of raising athletic royalty. If you’re interested, I have a detailed book on the topic actually called: Raising Athletic Royalty: Insights to Inspire for a Lifetime. It’s everything you didn’t even know…you needed to know.

CONTACT: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net

 

Listening

Posted on June 20, 2015 by in Parent Player Communication, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible.  Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

This post was requested by a reader to be re-posted.  

Listening

(Written by a teenage girl to her father)

Dear Dad,

What I’m about to say is hard for me. So hard I can’t seem to look you in the eyes and say what I want to say. I guess I’m afraid. Maybe it’s best this way. Maybe you’ll listen with your eyes since you haven’t been hearing me. Maybe you just want to see what you want to see. That’s the champion you’ve been forcing me to be.

Dad, are you listening?

I know you want what’s best for me. I know you believe all the messages you’re sending will make me a better player. Dad, communication isn’t just sending messages, it’s also receiving them.

Dad, are you listening?

Look at my face, there is no joy. I’m angry all the time. I still continue to play week after week, tournament after tournament. I’m sad. No I’m miserable. Why can’t you see that? Do you notice any of this? I utter how I hate competing. I protest every single practice and yet you push me to try harder. You demand, “Be tougher Sasha, you have to aim to be perfect!” Well Dad, I’m not perfect. I just want to be normal.

Dad, are you listening?

I’m depressed and confused and feel that this life is your life, not mine! I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me but I don’t think I want to play tennis any more.

Dad, are you listening? Love, Sasha

On the other side of this coin, is whether gently pushing your child through a difficult stage in their career/development is the right thing to do? You bet! There isn’t a single champion who didn’t have a parent or paid authority figure pushing them past their comfort zone or carrying them when they couldn’t go on. After he received the letter, I met with Sasha’s Dad and my advice was this:

Stan ask Sasha this question, “Would it be alright to take a one month sabbatical?” Then, take her rackets away and hide them. Don’t even mention the word tennis to her. If she never again brings up the subject, then she is done. That means you have a normal, healthy, average child. Go on vacations, enjoy weekends and appreciate your family!

If the game begins to pull her back, then she’ll be engaged for all the right reasons. It’s about choices. Giving her some time to see for herself that being an average teen, playing video games, texting nonsense to her friends and hanging out at the same mall every weekend isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. She needs to see for herself that the grass isn’t always greener. She’s a great kid. She’s got talent. Trust me, just let this play out.

NOTE: By the tenth night of Sasha’s sabbatical, she was bored to tears. She came into her parent’s room and asked if they can hit a few balls tomorrow. Sasha went on a tear. She has won two national titles in the just last months.

 

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
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Are you a Helicopter Parent?

Posted on May 12, 2015 by in Parent Player Communication

Are you a Helicopter Parent? Frank Giampaolo
By Frank Giampaolo

While in the trenches coaching on the ITF tennis circuit, I sadly witnessed over-protective parents stunting the growth of their junior players. These types of parents have been lovingly nicknamed “Helicopter Parents.”

By insulating their athlete, the helicopter parent is developing the exact opposite skill sets needed to advance the critical mental/emotional components of a winner.  Controlling helicopter parents often unknowingly promote insecurity and dependency in their young adults.  Children need to experience both positive and negative life situations to become confident and independent thinkers.  Growth stems from mistakes and lessons learned.

Characteristics of Helicopter Parenting:

  • Shielding the child from every possible disappointment and any real or imaginary conceivable hardship.
  • Choosing to enforce their version of the solution without even considering the child’s opinion.
  • Failing to promote an open and supportive atmosphere that would encourages the child to volunteer their opinion.
  • Seeking to control everyone and everything in an attempt to give their child the upper hand.

Helicopter Tennis Parent Warning Signs:

  1.    Coddling and Pampering your Athlete

This parent treats their athlete like a toddler –incapable of doing anything for themselves.  “You rest honey, Mommy will pick up your balls, carry your bag & water cooler, refill your ice, order your lunch, cut up your salad …etc.”

  1. Being Overly Defensive of your Athlete’s Performance

This parent makes excuses for any and everything their athlete does wrong, making it impossible for their athlete to be accountable. “My gifted child is the best out there. After all, she comes from our phenomenal gene pool. Losses are never her fault.”

  1. Nurturing Dependency of your Athlete:

This parent convinces their athlete that their success is dependent on them and without their help they are incapable of success. – “I’m the only one she can trust. I’ve always solved her problems and always will because … I’m her mother.”

Suppose the helicopter parent actually allowed the junior athlete to think, act, talk, fail and/or succeed on their own?

The benefits are startling. The athlete becomes more responsible, independent, self-reliance and confident. And with these skills, the athlete is able to develop their problem solving/conflict resolution skills.  At the higher levels of competitive tennis, resolving issues and overcoming hardships is the essential mental and emotional tennis developmental skill that separates winners from losers. Winners overcome on-court crisis and persevere because they are nurtured to solve their own problems.

Let’s look deeper at the cause and effect of parenting styles and on an athlete’s mindset:

Scenario 1: The parent is a perfectionist and does most everything for their child correctly. The athlete experiences no mental/emotional skills growth because the issue is solved for the child by the parent.

Scenario 2: The parent attempts to do everything for the athlete but fails. The athlete experiences no mental/emotional skills growth because there’s zero player accountability. Failure wasn’t the athletes fault, it was the parents fault.

Scenario 3: The parent encourages the athlete to do it themselves and the child actually succeeds. The athlete develops self-reliance, confidence, responsibility, self-esteem, personal belief, and time management skills.

Scenario 4: The parent encourages the athlete to do it themselves and the child temporarily fails. The athlete is taught recovery skills, accountability, problem solving skills, perseverance, and organizational skills.

Scenario 5: The polar opposite of a helicopter parent is the unaccountable parent.  This parent refuses to assist the athlete at all- believing the child’s sport is their “thing.”  Elite athletics demands a supportive team. Without parental support, the athlete is limited in their athletic success.

Parents, your role in managing your athlete’s developmental pathway is essential.  But please remember that winning tennis requires your athlete to have the capability to take an “emotional hit” and recover.  This is a learned developmental skill. The inability to problem solve for themselves is the missing link that separates good from great.

If you know a helicopter parent suffering from this dreaded disease please forward this article. Thanks, Frank

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
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Positive Reinforcement

Posted on May 10, 2015 by in Parent Player Communication, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible.  Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

Frank Giampaolo

Avoid Outcome Oriented Questions and Negative Remarks

Asking your child “Did you win?” after each practice match or tournament match is the worst thing you could ask. Champions are performance oriented, not outcome oriented. How can we ask them to focus on simple performance goals, if you are focused only on the outcome?

 

Focus on saying 5 positive comments for every negative remark. Kids pick up every negative word, condescending tone of voice, upset facial expressions and defensive body language. Try to replace “Did you win?” with “Did you hit your performance goals today?”

 

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
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