The Formula for Achieving Results- Part 1
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
THE FORMULA FOR ACHIEVING RESULTS
All too often, competitive parents and athletes have dreams they mistake for goals. The disconnect starts with confusing dreams with goals. A dream is only a goal if it has an organized plan. For example, when I ask naturally talented athletes about their goals, they most often answer with uncontrollable outcome dreams. Such as: being ranked top in the nation, winning the state championship, receiving an NCAA D-1 athletic scholarship or playing pro ball.
These are nice dreams but remember:
“A goal without a deliberate customized developmental plan is actually a dream in disguise.”
Although elite athletes may also have the above dreams, the difference is that they realize their success is a result of quantifiable performance orientated process goals. It isn’t always the most naturally gifted athletes that are successful, it is the athletes with strong work ethics, resiliency, and a plan. Below are seven insights that parents should apply while navigating their child’s pathway to greatness.
“Championship results are achieved by focusing on the process and the process starts with a plan.”
Achieving Results: Seven Insights
Insight 1: Establish an outcome goal but then let it go because it isn’t in your athlete’s immediate control. What is? The process. The plan is everything.
The process starts and ends with the constant development of character. Daily focus on character building will shape your child’s life – on and off the playing fields. Character building develops your athlete’s inner voice through optimistic self-coaching. One of the most important jobs of a parent is to focus on character building through life skills.
Insight 2: Assist your athlete in developing calm, positive, proactive “self-talk.” This inner belief in themselves is the basis of the exact mental toughness they need at crunch time.
Your athlete’s inner voice is nurtured to either build them up to think clearly under duress or to tear them down and hinder their efforts at the most inopportune times. Often when things go south in competition, junior athletes allow their mind to drift away from the present process at hand (performance goals) and into past or future thoughts (outcome oriented thoughts). This is commonly followed by negative inner-chatter. Character building provides the optimistic scripts used to turn a possible disaster into another win.
Listening to Your Player
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
(The following re-post is a top requested post!)
LISTENING
“Listening is the missing link of communication.”
The ability to listen is yet another crucial tennis parental skill. It’s in the best interest of the tennis parent to create a positive, supportive and communicative environment to maintain healthy parent/child/coach relationships. To illustrate this point, I have included a letter that was written by a teenage girl to her father.
Dear Dad,
What I’m about to say is hard for me. So hard I can’t seem to look you in the eyes and say what I want to say. I guess I’m afraid.
Maybe it’s best this way. Maybe you’ll listen with your eyes since you haven’t been hearing me. Maybe you just want to see what you want to see. That’s the champion you’ve been forcing me to be.
Dad, are you listening?
I know you want what’s best for me. I know you believe all the messages you’re sending will make me a better player. Dad, communication isn’t just sending messages, it’s also receiving them.
Dad, are you listening?
Look at my face, there is no joy. I’m angry all the time. I still continue to play week after week, tournament after tournament. I’m sad. No I’m miserable. Why can’t you see that? Do you notice any of this? I utter how I hate competing. I protest every single practice and yet you push me to try harder. You demand, “Be tougher Sasha, you have to aim to be perfect!” Well Dad, I’m not perfect. I just want to be normal.
Dad, are you listening?
I’m depressed and confused and feel that this life is your life, not mine! I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me but I don’t think I want to play tennis anymore.
Dad, are you listening?
Love, Sasha
Receiving this letter was a major blow to Sasha’s father Stan. Because Sasha and Stan were my clients, Stan immediately came to me with his drama. He wanted to know if he should just back off? He couldn’t believe she wanted to quit after all her success and the time she had invested in the sport.
Would gently pushing your child through a difficult stage in their career/development be the right thing to do? You bet! There isn’t a single champion who didn’t have a parent or paid authority figure pushing them past their comfort zone or carrying them when they couldn’t go on.
I asked Stan to ask Sasha this question, “Would it be alright to take a one-month sabbatical?” Then, take her rackets away and hide them. Don’t even mention the word tennis to her. If she never again brings up the subject, then she is done. That means you have a normal, healthy child. Go on vacations, enjoy weekends and appreciate your family.
If the game begins to pull her back, then she’ll be engaged for all the right reasons. It’s about choices. Giving her some time to see for herself that being an average teen, playing video games, texting nonsense to her friends and hanging out at the same mall every weekend isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. She needs to see for herself that the grass isn’t always greener. She’s a great kid. She’s smart. Trust me, just let this play out.
By the tenth night of Sasha’s sabbatical, she was bored to tears. She came into her parent’s room and asked if they can hit a few balls tomorrow -with a new sense of purpose. Sasha went on a tear. She won two national titles in the following months.
Developing A Family Philosophy Toward Tennis
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
DEVELOPING A FAMILY PHILOSOPHY
At the competitive level, being a tennis parent is one of the most incredibly rewarding, yet most challenging adventures you will ever undertake. Tennis parents with a clear understanding of their own family’s unique “life philosophy” are more likely to avoid drama, stress, and misunderstandings.
Asking your child to be emotionally stable under adverse conditions, if you, the parent cannot control your own anxiety, destroys the positive messages you are trying to deliver. Tennis builds character on a daily basis. I encourage you, the parents, to reinforce the same positive character traits developed through sports. This is critical in solidifying these powerful life lessons.
“The family’s philosophy is their basic beliefs, attitudes, and moral compass.”
Let’s look at a former client and take a peek into his family philosophy.
Medviv Terknova’s daughter, Anna was a student of mine for a short while. My coaching and life philosophy didn’t quite gel with Medviv’s family philosophy.
Medviv Terknova came from Novosibirsk City, Siberia with his 10-year-old little girl. He heard about a Russian girl named Maria Sharapova and had been following her endorsement contracts. In 2009, it rose above the $200 million dollar mark.
Medviv’s philosophy was simple. He’ll do anything to provide for his daughter Anna. Medviv left his wife Anka and two children, Provic and Zoron back in Siberia in their 800 square foot apartment. He hadn’t seen them in over a year.
Medviv changed his daughter Anna’s birth date from October 1998 to 2000 on her passport because he wanted to give her an edge in the U.S. tournament rankings. Medviv stood 5 ‘6’’ and wanted his daughter to be taller. So he had his daughter injected with experimental growth hormones to ensure that she reach a competitive height.
Medviv washed dishes and performed menial labor at his daughter’s academy in exchange for tuition. Medviv was a dictator-style parent and could be heard at every practice session screaming advice through the chain link fence. In Anna’s matches, Medviv would often applaud the opponent’s errors and quietly smirk as Anna cheated at the right times. His philosophy is that “nothing will stand in my way.”
Is this family philosophy right for you? I hope not!
It may be tempting for some to employ unethical tactics at the lower levels of competition to gain an advantage, but those tactics are unavailable at the higher levels. National finals, collegiate finals and/or most main draw Pro Tour events have linesman and umpires.
“Cheating only creates a false sense of security.”
Those who have relied on manipulating, cheating and gamesmanship as their primary weapons in junior tennis match play lack the essential self-confidence needed at higher level tennis. Developing your own philosophy will help you, your spouse and children to avoid unnecessary pressures. Having pre-set guidelines will assist you in the development of your child’s personal philosophy. It will also aid you in acquiring the right coaches through the different stages of your child’s development. (To learn more about gamesmanship see: Section IV Common Questions and Solutions: Competitive Dramas.)
Personality Profiling: Mental and Physical Predispositions – Part 3
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Body Typing
Now that we have introduced you to brain typing, let me review how body types affect motor skills and athletic potential.
The two opposing body types are called fine motor skilled dominant and gross motor skilled dominant. Individuals have a genetic predisposition to have a motor skill preference. Motor skills are signals sent from the brain through the nervous system into the different muscle groups.
Fine motor skilled athletes excel from the muscles found from the elbows through the hands and fingers. A common compliment given to a fine motor skilled athlete is, “They’ve got good hands.”
Gross motor skilled athletes prefer the use of the larger muscle groups found in the torso, legs, and feet. Gross motor skilled athletes are known for their superior core balance and elegant body coordination.
Raising athletic royalty requires matching the demands of your child’s sport, style of play and/or position with your child’s preferred brain type and body type design.
Here is an example of motor skill dominance in American football: a wide receiver’s primary job description is to catch the ball. It may prove beneficial if that particular athlete playing that particular position be fine motored skilled dominant (Good hands). However, the field goal kicker in the very same sport, on the very same football team has a very different job description. His primary job is to simply kick the ball. In this athlete’s role, it may prove beneficial that his genetic predisposition be gross motor skills dominant (core and leg drive). While it is essential to develop a well-rounded competitor, it’s important to note that all athletes possess a dominant body type which will naturally excels in the ideal environment position and/or sport.
“Raising a champion requires the development of a well-rounded athlete. For example, if your child is fine motor skilled dominate, plan on spending
more time and energy developing their
gross motor skills or vice versa.”
Knowing your child’s genetic makeup is critical. It helps to avoid the needless frustrations found in athletic development and in life. Being aware of your athlete’s natural strengths and weaknesses will better prepare you to assist your child and their coaches in their sport, style of play and/or position that they would most naturally excel.
The above section is courtesy of my book: Raising Athletic Royalty. If this topic is of interest to you I recommend Googling: Braintypes.com
Jon Niednagel coined the term “Brain Type” and holds the registered trademark. Jon’s brain typing system (The Brain Type Institute) was developed by applying a combination of sciences to estimate athletic ability. Though his work stemmed from the teaching of psychiatrist Carl Jung and the later work of Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers, his innovative approach may become the most accurate science of human understanding on earth.
Personality Profiling: Mental and Physical Predispositions – Part 2
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Introvert versus Extrovert
Introverts (I) are comfortable lying back then retaliating. They need alone time to recharge their batteries and they prefer to be inside their inner world. Extroverts (E) make things happen as they prefer to initiate action. They gain their energy by bringing people together.
Sensate versus Intuitive
Sensates (S) prefer to collect data and facts before making their decisions. Facts trump opinions. Intuitives (N) trust their gut instincts and are better quick decision makers with 2 seconds left on the clock. They like to “do” first, analyze second.
Thinker versus Feeler
Thinkers (T) make decisions through objective logic and impersonalize the situation. They enjoy the technical components and choose truthful over tactful. Feelers (F) are in tune to the emotional climate of the event and others actions. Harmony is paramount and they are affected when it is missing.
Judger versus Perceiver
Judgers (J) prefer structure. They like things settled, orderly and precise. They like to make lists to organize their thoughts and prefer to work before play. Perceivers (P) are adaptable and flexible. Their thoughts are often found in the future and they enjoy experiencing new ideas and methods versus organizing and agonizing over every boring detail.
Now, write down your four-letter acronym. For example, if you believe you’re an extrovert, intuitive, feeler, perceiver, then you are an ENFP. Next, Google ‘personality profile ENFP’ and explore to confirm your assumption. After getting acquainted with the basic personality identification procedure, it is time to brain type your young athlete.
A word of caution: Often certain young people will misdiagnose their own true personality profile as they swap out their true genetic predisposition for what they believe to be a more popular choice.
Personality Profiling: Mental and Physical Predispositions- Part 1
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Personality Profiling: Mental and Physical Predispositions
What if I told you that you think you know your athlete, but you don’t?
What if I shared a tool to assist you in understanding why your son, daughter or student acts the way they do? What if I explained why different personalities are better suited for different sports, styles and/or positions? What if I said, to accelerate growth, it is essential that you get into your child’s world instead of forcing them into your world? What if I explained how motivating within their genetic guidelines will maximize their potential at a much quicker rate?
The old school teaching/coaching methodology demands the student get into the coach and/or parent’s training philosophy with total disregard to the student’s unique brain and body design. (Remember our friend Jose in the previous section?) More often than not, this archaic approach produces average athletes at best. At its worst, it quickly causes gifted athletes to leave the game.
Let’s begin by recognizing and respecting your child’s inborn characteristics.
Personality Profiling
Because the most universal personality type indicator is the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I chose to use it to help you understand athletic/personality profiling. It must be noted that although profiling brain and body types is not a hard science and I am not a neuroscientist or clinical psychologist, I am qualified to maximize athletic potential.
Also worth noting, the founders of the MBTI, Katherine Briggs, and Isabel Myers, were not licensed, psychologists. They were students passionate about the findings of Carl Jung, the “father” of analytical psychology, and nurtured their love for their chosen field as they designed the now famous MBTI questionnaire.
The MBTI is grouped into four categories with 16 different possible configurations of personality profiles. The four categories list opposing brain types. Each person is assigned a four-letter acronym to best describe their primary tendencies. While each of us exhibits multiple sides of our personality, we possess a genetically dominant trait. For example, we all exhibit extraversion and introversion to some degree, but most of us tend to have an overall preference for one over the other.
Listed below are the four MBTI categories with their opposing personality profiles. To help identify your athlete’s personality profile, it may be in your best interest to first categorize yourself. Simply read through the four groupings listed below and choose your dominant brain function.
The Athlete’s Organizational Blueprint
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
The Athlete’s Organizational Blueprint
Regardless of your child’s long term tennis goals, improving their chances of maximizing their potential begins with efficiency. A customized blueprint reduces stress, wasted time and, most importantly, money spend unwisely. In today’s era, even the most talented athlete has very little hope of reaching elite status without being properly organized.
Nurturing A Deliberate Customized Plan
“Junior tennis champions are born from great sacrifice. They are never the result of selfish parents.”
Outstanding parents are outstanding teachers. The parent is the most important adult figure that will define and shape a child. An experienced coach may assist in developing technical tools such as a topspin backhand. A trainer may assist in developing core strength. But, please never underestimate the power of your child’s greatest teacher…you!
The job description of a tennis parent is to provide a safe and loving environment. A tennis parent nurtures the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual growth of the child. A gifted athlete with the desire, work ethic and character of a champion will never achieve his or her full potential without the loving support of a tennis parent/manager.
“A junior competitor without a tennis parent educated about the developmental process is like a ship without a rudder.”
Terrific children, wonderful adults and tennis champions aren’t born, they are developed. It’s not simply heredity. It’s an organized plan. No one becomes extraordinary on their own. “It takes a Village” is the age old saying. As you raise athletic royalty, your village will be your entourage of coaches, hitters, mental/emotional trainers, off-court tennis specific experts, physical therapists and sports medicine doctors.
The Williams sisters are an actual example of a parent with a vision. The story goes: Richard Williams planned to have more children for the sole purpose of developing them into professional tennis players. Wayne Bryan also had a plan with his twin boys, the Bryan brothers. Without an actual plan, you’ll never know your child’s true potential.
Terrific children, wonderful adults and tennis champions aren’t born, they are developed. It’s not simply heredity. It’s an organized plan. No one becomes extraordinary on their own. “It takes a Village” is the age old saying. As you raise athletic royalty, your village will be your entourage of coaches, hitters, mental/emotional trainers, off-court tennis specific experts, physical therapists and sports medicine doctors.
The Williams sisters are an actual example of a parent with a vision. The story goes: Richard Williams planned to have more children for the sole purpose of developing them into professional tennis players. Wayne Bryan also had a plan with his twin boys, the Bryan brothers. Without an actual plan, you’ll never know your child’s true potential.
Preparing an organizational blue print will save you thousands of dollars annually. It will also save your child thousands of wasted, unproductive hours, sweat and tears.
Your child was born with a unique genetic predisposition and is pre-wired with a specific brain and body type. Consider it carefully as you and your athlete’s coaches (your entourage) nurture your child’s talent and identify their genetic predisposition. Individual brain and body type play a very influential role at all levels of the game (not to mention the lifelong benefits as well.) Let’s have some fun right off the bat and jump into applying personality profiling.
So, what’s the key to maximizing success in the shortest period of time? Is it to purchase the latest equipment? Maybe it’s hiring a great local pro? What if I said… neither.
“The first and most important tool you will ever apply is discovering your child’s personality and brain design.”
Let’s look at the typical old school tennis teaching scenario. The local pro Jose Gonzales came to the United States from Chile. He was a terrific collegiate player earning a full scholarship to Virginia Commonwealth. Jose even played a few ATP pro challenger events. He found success by being extremely patient. He had a natural gift with his quick feet and he enjoyed running. He took delight in being a steady counter puncher 15 feet behind the baseline. Jose’s shot tolerance was a 20-ball rally!
As a teaching professional, he demands that each of his students abide by his playing style, disciplines and logic. Your thinking, boy that guy sounds pretty experienced, let’s hire him as our child’s coach. So, is this the right mentor for your child?
The answer is, not likely. Why? Because Jose demands that each student plays his style. The style of tennis that your child needs in order to thrive is based on his or hers own unique design. (AKA: brain and body type.)
“Asking your child to play tennis in a style that opposes their skill sets, beliefs and temperament is a recipe for disaster. This is especially true at the beginning levels of player development and is a major factor as to why so many of them leave this great game.”
One of the quickest ways to ensure that your child will quit the sport is to demand that they play a style that opposes their brain and body type. Understanding brain and body types is one of the first steps to becoming a world class parent and/or coach. Hold on tight because I am about to rock your world.
The Tennis Parent’s Bible Industry Quotes -3
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Tennis Industry Quotes About Frank’s Tennis Parent’s Bible:
“The Triangle between player, coach, and parent is full of speed bumps and sharp curves! Everyone wants to accelerate and speed ahead to the supposed finish line. Too often what should be a fun and rewarding journey gets forgotten. kudos to Frank for providing a roadmap to developing a better young tennis player, and a better relationship with their coaches and parents……..forever.
This is a great resource for every coach who wants to develop great players and most importantly, responsible young adults.”
Chuck Gill, President USPTA
“Frank Giampaolo has created a masterpiece for the competitive junior tennis player’s parents. The Tennis Parent Bible, in its’ second edition, clearly spells out what tennis parents need to know and understand about how to navigate their tennis playing children through this maze of highly competitive and performance driven tennis. Don’t think about this one! Just read it!”
Lane Evans, USPTA Elite Professional, iTPA Master Tennis Performance Specialist
“Frank is one of the most knowledgeable tennis coaches in the country. He has written, in my professional opinion, the best and most comprehensive tennis book for parents that I’ve read in my 55 –year tennis career.”
Desmond Oon, Ph.D., Former Davis Cup Coach (Republic of Singapore), Author, Master Pro USPTA
“A first-class book from a first-class coach. Frank is an encyclopedia of tennis knowledge, has extraordinary talents to share and is a model of professionalism. When all of these components come together, an excellent book such as The Tennis Parents Bible appears.
By educating yourself, your children will have better results. This book is a must-read for parents to understand how to educate themselves and to appreciate the extensive process they, their children and their coaches are undergoing while their children are developing their tennis skills.”
Shaul Zohar, Manager, Kiryat Shmona Israel Tennis Center
“The Tennis Parents Bible should be mandatory reading (with an annual rotating online quiz) that’s required for ALL PARENTS for their children to play in USTA events! Seriously. If parent training was required, it could change this sport in a powerful way for generations!”
Joe Dinoffer, President, Oncourt Offcourt, Ltd., USPTA and PTR Master Professional, Dallas, Tx.
“Reading The Tennis Parents Bible is like having a delicious conversation with a tennis guru who is generously sharing all of his knowledge, results, and lessons learned. As a former tennis coach, I’ve recommended this to hundreds of tennis families who come back to me within days overjoyed and excited. They feel like they finally can put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Quite simply it’s your go-to guide that is already a classic must-read for every coach and tennis parent.”
Ian Bishop, CEO of Coachseek, New Zealand
“If you’re a parent who thinks you already know all there is to know…hold on because you’re in for a bumpy ride. This book is like turning a light on in a darkened room. I highly recommend it to any parent or coach serious about maximizing player potential.”
Angel Lopez, USPTA Master Professional, PTR Certified, Angel Lopez Tennis Academy
Tennis Parent’s Bible Industry Quotes
The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Industry Quotes About Frank’s Best-Selling Tennis Parent’s Bible:
“A must have, compelling read. The second edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible is a go-to guide to raising world class athletes & young adults. I highly recommend it.”
Peter Smith, USC Men’s Tennis Coach, 5-Time NCAA Champions
“The Tennis Parent’s Bible (2nd Edition) brings clarity to the often terrifying journey of raising a champion. If you read only one book this year… This is the one.”
Dave Fish, Harvard University Men’s Tennis Coach
“The Tennis Parent’s Bible is a must read for any competitive tennis family. This book should be on each parent’s night stand and in every coach’s racket bag.
Craig Tiley, Tournament Director Australian Open, Director of Tennis, Tennis Australia
“There are few people who have earned as much respect in the tennis world. Frank is a positive visionary.”
Dick Gould, Stanford University (The most successful coach in college tennis history.)
“This book is excellent. Parents need it. Coaches must have it! Broad topics with one goal: to make athlete successful.”
Marcin Bieniek, Tennis Island Poland
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