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Non-Verbal Communication- Part 2

Posted on May 6, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Frank Giampaolo

 

 

Non-verbal clues to take note of when profiling your athletes

 

 

Appearance

When coaching, I make it a point to notice my athlete’s appearance, clothing choice, and organization of equipment. Is Sarah’s hair braided to perfection? Does her Nike skirt match perfectly with her Nike top, Nike socks, Nike shoes, and Nike warm-ups? This indicates to me an SJ (Sensing, Judging) persona.

Do Sam’s Wilson Blade rackets have different gauge strings, different brand dampeners with non-matching over-grips? Does he carry them in a Head racket bag with a Prince water bottle? This initially indicates to me an NP (Intuitive, Perceiver) personality. I realize that exceptions shadow every rule, so these initial non-verbal clues are observational hunches that begin to shed light on their personality profile.

 

Posture

I then assess the athlete’s body posture throughout our session, both during off-court conversations and on-court performance, which helps me to determine their self-esteem and confidence levels. Defensive attitudes are often shown by crossed arms and slumped shoulders. Students lean-in or walk towards the net when they’re interested. In my opinion, confidence or lack thereof is also identified by the athlete’s swagger or timid posture and stance.

 

Eyes

Throughout my coaching sessions, I also pay close attention to the athlete’s eyes. The old saying is “The eyes are the gateway to the soul.” Spotting if a student is dialed in and focused on the task at hand or mentally gone can be detected in their eyes. Are they telling the truth or fibbing? Athletes’ emotional state such as being upset, tranquil, content or angry can also be detected in their eyes.

 

Facial Expressions

Interpreting an athlete’s facial expression can also help a coach profile their athletes. Obviously, students show emotion through their facial expressions. Squinting eyes and tight lips are signs of anger, tension, and frustration. Smiles are signs of comfort and confidence. I can often tell if an athlete or parent isn’t buying the information I’m providing by interpreting their facial expressions.

 

Tone of Voice

Observing their tone of voice is another essential clue I use to profile athletes. The tone of voice doesn’t communicate logic, but it does convey the athlete’s feelings.

 

 

“An athlete’s tone of voice speaks the truth even when their words don’t.”

 

 

Nonverbal Communication- Part 1

Posted on May 1, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

soft science

Nonverbal Communication

 

Leading into our off-court, mental session Zoe asked “Please Coach Frank … I just wanna hit! Can’t Chloe and I just skip the mental stuff?” Most tennis parents would agree with their athletes. “Yeah, Frank…can’t the girls get more grooving time in?” Not Mr. Potter. He’s an ex-college standout and knows all too well the benefits of training the software components.

I asked the gals, “How is exclusively grooving those groundies working for ya?” “What do you mean?” asked Chloe? “Well, what’s your UTR rating? I heard you both had trouble playing a pusher-retriever last week and profiling your opponents. Are you getting the results you’re capable of achieving?” Suddenly the gals went silent. Mr. Potter added, “Zoe, the mental side of tennis is really important. We can stay longer and groove after Coach Frank addresses mental tennis. Would that be okay Frank?”

“Sure, I want to focus for 20 minutes on the importance of nonverbal communication in competition.”  The gals rolled their eyes as they dropped their racket bags and sat down in the club’s classroom.  I announced the day’s topic as the girls looked to their phones… “Today’s topic is the critical function of opponent profiling. Let’s give this topic 20 minutes of focused attention and interaction and then we’ll be done for the day. Anyone that wants to groove more groundstrokes can stay longer. Deal? I’ll start with a few open-ended questions.”

  • Why is it important to identify the opponent’s style of play?
  • What are the benefits of spotting stroke & movement strengths & weaknesses?
  • Would it be meaningful to decipher the opponent’s most proficient patterns of play?
  • How would knowing their shot tolerance help you strategize?
  • Would knowing what frustrates them help in match play?

The gals initially were stumped, but after a brief discussion, hit the bull’s eye with their answers. I asked them one last question, “Why does opponent profiling fall into the category of nonverbal communication?”

“Girls… I got this one!” Mr. Potter added from the back of the room. “The opponent isn’t going to tell you their weaknesses. In matches, you’ve got to develop the skill of reading the opponent. Am I right or am I right!”

 

At first, profiling athletes through their nonverbal communication seems like reading the invisible but trust me, after a bit of training it becomes as reliable as feeding another basket of tennis balls. Our conscious minds pay attention to the verbal message, the message within the dialog. Our subconscious minds pay attention to nonverbal clues such as tone of voice and body language.

Over the years of focusing on the most effective coaching methods, the importance of nonverbal communication became very clear. I found that an athlete’s words were often only part of their story. Communication research has found that a subject’s actual words to be the least revealing of their true feelings or comfort level, giving more importance to a subject’s tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. It is critical that the coach be able to recognize the athlete’s nonverbal cues because it enhances the learning experience and enables the coach to better understand how the athlete is wired. It is also important to note the athlete’s parent’s nonverbal cues because the parents play a vital role in their child’s success.

In our next post, we will dive into a handful of these critical non-verbal clues to help you begin to profile your athletes.

 

 

Effective Listening- Part 5

Posted on April 28, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Effective Listening- Part 5Frank Giampaolo

Some athletes affirm positive results while others affirm catastrophe. Researchers continue to acknowledge the power thoughts have on one’s actions. Studies show how thoughts, beliefs, and emotions affect human behavior. Following, I have listed a handful of tennis-specific phrases from the mouths of our athletes and you can bet your life these habitual beliefs affect their match performance.

Pessimistic athletes project performance anxieties with statements such as:

  • “I’m always worried about failing.”
  • “I’m not good enough for that level.”
  • “I’m not ready to compete.”
  • “I can’t do it…I always blow it.”
  • “I’m not jealous but how is Kelly playing #1 and not me?”
  • “I have to win tomorrow or my life is over.”
  • “I don’t belong here.”
  • “I hate this…I hate that…”

Optimistic athletes project self-esteem and confidence with statements such as:

  • “I can’t wait to compete tomorrow.”
  • “I respect him but I’m going to beat him.”
  • “Competing is fun!”
  • “I trained properly and I’m confident in my awesome ability.”
  • “I’m grateful for the privilege of playing.”
  • “I trust my game and problem-solving skills.”
  • “I love the competitive tennis lifestyle.”
  • “I appreciate all the love and support from my parents and coaches.”

 

“A man is but the product of his thoughts – what he thinks, he becomes.”
Mahatma Gandhi

 

Applying Positive Affirmations

If one’s thoughts become one’s reality, what exactly is a positive affirmation? A positive affirmation is a positive declaration or assertion.  As optimistic thoughts sink into one’s subconscious mind, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy overriding old negative beliefs and habits with positive beliefs and rituals. Positive affirmations sound like silly fluff to specific personality profiles but they are proven methods of emotional improvement. When applied religiously, positive affirmations have the ability to rewire the chemistry in your athlete’s brain. Elite athletes believe in their potential.

 

Assignment

Ask your athletes to customize ten positive affirmations that will help their self-esteem and confidence. Then ask them to read them aloud into their cell phone voice-recorder app. Finally, ask them to listen to their customized recording nightly as they are falling asleep. As they mentally rehearse their optimistic views, new solution-based habits are formed and negative beliefs are dissolved.

 

Effective Listening doesn’t stop with verbal language. A great deal of information is available from the athlete without them saying a single word. The next chapter addresses the high IQ coach’s secret ability to zero in on gathering critical information via non-verbal communication.

Effective Listening- Part 4

Posted on April 27, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Effective Listening- Part 4

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

Verbal Communication in the Digital World

It’s no secret that modern adolescents are obsessed with social media, tweeting, and texting. Kids are nurtured from the cradle to communicate through screens instead of interpersonal communication. They prefer texting over talking. It’s the world in which they live.

Research in the field of communication found that a third of American teenagers send more than one hundred texts a day. They want to feel a personal connection, engaged, inspired and understood…they just don’t know-how.  The combination of their ineffective speaking skills combined with our weak listening skills is hurting the development process.

 

Listening “Between” the Words

Exceptional listeners filter through conversations to identify the true meaning behind their athlete’s words. The ability to “listen” between words helps the listener discern if the student seeks constructive criticism or only a sympathetic ear. Attentive listeners recognize anomalies that enable them to identify the beliefs, attitudes, and feelings behind words. This allows them to interpret the athlete’s spoken truth, fiction, optimism, pessimism, expectation, intentions, trust, past mental habits, and belief systems.

 

“An athlete’s belief system crafts their future. Every syllable they speak engages energy towards them or against them.”

 

As novice parents and intermediate coaches gain wisdom, they become more in-tune listeners. They discover hidden belief systems behind their athlete’s dialog. Great listeners know there is “subconscious” energy behind words. Pessimistic behaviors are not difficult to spot because all too often, those very same negative thoughts, tones, words, and actions stem from those nurturing the athlete. As the athlete’s thoughts become their words, those words determine their beliefs and play a deciding role in their performance, especially during stressful match conditions.

When effective listening is applied, the athlete’s sequence of thought-speech-action becomes very clear to the “in-tuned” entourage. Please pay attention to the belief systems habitually used by your athletes. An athlete’s affirmations and inner dialog can be categorized as optimistic or pessimistic. It should be painfully obvious that their self-coaching either builds them up or tears them down at crunch time.

Effective Listening- Part 3

Posted on April 23, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Effective Listening- Part 3

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Those of us who fail to abide by the above guidelines send damaging subconscious “red flags” to the athlete in regards to the student-teacher relationship. Parents and coaches who are poor listeners send the following messages to their athletes:

  • Your opinions and views aren’t as important as mine.
  • Your feelings are ridiculous and stupid.
  • I’ll explain your position more accurately than you.
  • Listening to you is a waste of my precious time.
  • I’m superior, stop talking and I’ll prove it once again to you.
  • There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t heard a million times.

Being a thoughtful teacher and communicator begins by being an empathetic listener. Great listeners change the student’s perspective from a problem being a catastrophic event to an issue that is a solvable opportunity for growth.

Questions That Motivate Dialog

A great tool used to develop champions is to ask your athlete their opinion before you tell them your opinion. Questions can be based on an athlete’s perception of their successes or failures.

Dialog producing examples include:

  • “What was the cause of the winner or error?”
  • “How did that feel when you?”
  • “Were you paying attention to the opponent’s?”
  • “What was the highest percentage shot selection at that moment?”
  • “If you could do it again, what would you do?”
  • “What were you tactically trying to achieve?”
  • “Are you staying on script?”

On and off the tennis court, winners are great problem solvers so avoid the parental and coaching temptation to solve all their problems for them. By doing so, you’re robbing them of the exact skill sets needed to win tough future matches. In the big picture, listening to them versus talking “at” them is a much more enjoyable approach for the athlete. It sends the message of trust. It motivates them to take ownership of solution-based thinking. With regards to keeping athletes in the game, customized student-based teaching is a fundamental missing link.

 

Effective Listening- Part 2

Posted on April 21, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Effective Listening- Part 2Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

 

The method in which a parent or coach asks questions and listens is also important. If the athlete views the questions as an intimidating interrogation, they feel frightened and pressured. There is indeed an optimistic demeanor that encompasses effective listening.

Effective Listening Begins with:

  • Get down, physically, to the students’ level.
  • Take off your sunglasses and look them in the eyes.
  • Give them your time. Listen intently.
  • Assume you can learn from the student.
  • Accept their view (set aside your beliefs).
  • Allow them to lead, go with their flow.
  • If you don’t know the answer, say, “Let’s explore that…”
  • Understanding that talking “at” someone isn’t power. Listening is power.
  • Avoid speculating and jumping to conclusions.
  • Maintain their conversational pace and fight the urge to interrupt.
  • Allow them to finish their thoughts and sentences.
  • Focus on spotting key objectives and phrases to discuss later.
  • If you’re planning witty responses, you’re typically not actively listening.
  • Remember, some athletes aren’t seeking advice; they are seeking an empathetic ear.
  • After discussing the issue, ask them for their solutions before offering your solutions.
  • Ask them if they’d like to hear your thoughts.
  • Avoid one-upmanship statements to prove that your past experience trumps theirs.
  • Avoid saying, “I told you so!” Even when you told them so.
  • Facilitate your relationship by applying empathy.
  • Mirror their feelings within the context of their conversation.
  • Follow their train of thought with nodding, caring facial expressions, and body language.
  • Re-state their points to clarify that you understand them correctly.
  • Affirm their frustrations. “That sounds difficult, how did you respond?”
  • To keep the focus on them, ask, “How did that make you feel? Versus “Here’s what I would have done!”
  • Conclude with a summarizing statement to ensure that their information was received correctly.
  • Organize future, agreed-upon solutions, and job descriptions.

 

Effective Listening- Part 1

Posted on April 20, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

 

Effective ListeningSoft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

 

The modern challenge of parenting and teaching tennis players is to let go of thinking like a repetitive “paint by the numbers” painter and to look at developing an athlete as a form of art. Teaching is art because each student is an original canvas.

Famous artists paint unique, one-of-a-kind subjects and so should you. Don’t be another painter, be an artist because teaching is art. If you’re a “paint by the numbers” coach or parent, chances are you, and your athletes will never really be in high demand. Average parenting or coaching skills often produce average athletes. If you’re a coach, think about the athlete’s needs. Who wants to be an average athlete? No one! If you’re a parent, your child doesn’t need a well-intended yet mediocre tennis parent making the journey more difficult. They need a high IQ leader.

 

“We are taught how to read & write efficiently but not to speak and listen effectively.”

 

The genesis of The Soft Science of Tennis for any parent or coach is to learn to be an effective listener. Effective listening is the ability to quietly give one’s undivided attention which creates a more profound bond. Excellent communication between the athlete, coach, and parent is more than the typical dominating disciplinarian versus submissive student. Being listened to and understood is one of an athlete’s greatest desires.

 

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 3

Posted on April 17, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

 

Sharpening Healthier Communication

 

I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?

Most parents and coaches want the very best for their children and students. However, finding the perfect words of comfort are not always easy, especially after competition. Regardless of the variations in personality profiles, parents and coaches alike need to reinforce the athlete’s efforts with sincere non-judgmental encouraging words. The following is a list of insightful statements athletes need to hear after competition:

  • I love watching you play!
  • I’m so proud of you.
  • I’m impressed by your skills.
  • I’m so grateful to be your parent.
  • You are so brave.
  • It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on court.
  • You are so creative and skillful.
  • I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
  • It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
  • I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
  • I admire your courage to compete.
  • Your optimism is contagious- I love when you smile.
  • This is my favorite part of the week.
  • I love being your parent and/or coach.

 

Research shows that performing in the future as the Alpha competitor stems from a positive belief system.  Your words become their inner dialogue. Emotional aptitude is a learned behavior. Your child’s optimism and growth mindset should be molded daily. (Coach’s Note: Please send the above insightful list to the parents of your athletes.)

All the great coaches I’ve met have a strong need for connecting and belonging. Positive communication is vital for a happy, longstanding career. Exceptional communication builds better relationships, mutual respect, and trust which leads to success. Superior coaching is the art of changing an athlete in a non-dictatorial way.

The student-coach connection improves with effective communication via verbal and nonverbal communication channels. The following chapters will uncover several excellent recommendations for coaches and parents to immerse themselves in the art of listening.

 

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 2

Posted on April 14, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

 Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

Is the state of the art instruction about the instructor’s proficiency in performing drills, or is it about the instructor’s ability to connect with their student? Communicating above or below the digestion rate of the student is ineffective. While tennis knowledge and drilling efficiency are important, I believe a master teacher connects to the student and monitors the rate at which each student digests information. As we saw with Wendy and her father, the message received within the dialog is much more than the facts.

As I researched how to sharpen my communication skills, I realized that the way in which information is presented influences the outcome. I learned to focus on communicating honestly and with authenticity, but also to consider stressing or de-stressing the learning environment based on the energy in the room.

Successfully communicating the facts is highly dependent on WHAT message is being delivered and HOW the message is being delivered. The following list offers eight techniques I recommend applying to communicate effectively:

  • Intertwine sports science facts with personal, emotional storytelling.
  • Impart humor within a conversational tone to bond the relationship.
  • Avoid a distancing style with an elitist attitude and academic language.
  • Use inclusive pronouns like “We all need to…”
  • Apply cadences, rhythms, and dramatic pauses to accentuate meaning.
  • Vary their volume from a scream to a whisper to deepen the message.
  • Pull listeners in by modifying the pace of delivery from excited and fast to dramatic and slow.
  • Match and mirror the listener to make them more comfortable.

Great communicators presenting in groups or one-on-one have developed their presentation power. Armed with a full toolbox of delivery methods, they trade in intimidating, interrogating, and dictating with sharing everyday experiences to engage the audience which is the heart of genuinely connecting.

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 1

Posted on April 10, 2021 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

Sharpening Healthier Communication

 

It’s dinner time at the Klein’s house. Mr. Klein and his daughter Wendy spent the day at a USTA level 3 girls 16’s event. Wendy was seeded #4 in the tournament. Her 9:00 am match went terribly wrong. Wendy’s serve percentages were catastrophically low and as a result, she suffered an embarrassing first-round loss.

Later that night at the dinner table the conversation quickly escalated from small talk to another tennis-related screaming match. As they passed the potatoes, another family dinner was ruined.  Mr. Klein wished he had an instruction manual for these heated exchanges.

 

Psychologists researching communication offer a concept called the Four-Sides Model. The theory states that Mr. Klein’s initial comment “Honey, your serve was really off today.” exposed four possible ways Wendy could accept the data:

  • As an impersonal factual stat.
  • Insights about Mr. Klein’s feelings.
  • As a personal underlining insult towards Wendy.
  • As an appeal for improvement.

The message Mr. Klein was intentionally trying to convey isn’t necessarily what was perceived by Wendy. Mr. Klein’s statement “Honey, your serve was really off today.” led to a whirlwind of problems between him and his daughter. This, in turn, spiraled into the silent treatment from his wife because once again their family harmony was disrupted.

For Mr. Klein, the factual data and appeal for improvement were the only reason for the statement. Wendy’s interpretation of his statement was polar opposite. Wendy felt awful because she believed that she had let her parents and coaches down. She also concluded that her father’s statement about her serve implied that she was not working hard enough and that she was a failure.

 

“Communication is less about what is being said and more about how the words are decoded by the listener.”

 

As coaches and parents communicate with their athlete, the athlete’s personality profile acts as a filter as they decode the information. Some athletes are wired to accept and enjoy the analysis of cold hard facts while others are wired to overlook the facts and instead zone in to the emotional climate of the conversations. Each athlete connects the dots and paints the picture they choose to hear. An individual’s personality profile determines how one communicates. (We will interpret personality profiles in greater detail in coming chapters.)