The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers!
COMPETITIVE DRAMAS: INTERNAL STRUGGLES
QUESTION: How can we help our son overcome his on-court anger?
Frank: First of all, not all anger is bad. Fire can be used as an analogy. A controlled fire can be used to cook meals and heat homes. An uncontrolled fire can burn down homes. Managing anger and fire requires knowledge and skill. Often it is the good anger that actually propels your child into an upward spiral. This requires being aware of adrenaline. This rush of adrenaline often pushes them into a higher competitive level. Players who know how to “call up” or “quiet down” their adrenaline at the appropriate times are managing their emotions.
“Managing adrenaline is one of the most important emotional skills found at the higher
levels of competition.”
Notice how the top professionals know how and when to pump up their energy with the use of adrenaline. When do you see them applying this emotional skill set? Typically it is during the closing stage of the set.
The concerns most parents and coaches have arises when the player chooses to let their negative emotions control their behavior versus focusing on their pre-set performance goals. In my opinion, bad anger on the court stems from a lack of emotional intelligence, resources, and tools.
Below is a list of mental and emotional components your child should digest in order to begin to manage anger and stress. Talk it through with your athlete and their coaches and have some fun.
Developing Mental and Emotional Strength:
Say Something Positive
On the practice court, ask your athlete to rehearse finding something they did well on each point. This will shift their focus from negative to positive. This rule applies to parents as well. Flipping your list of negative comments into positive comments will change your outlook, your relationships, and your world!
Tennis Is Not Fair
There are so many reasons why the game of tennis is not fair. Understanding these issues will reduce the stress some juniors place on themselves. For instance, luck of the draw, stylistic matchups, court surfaces, availability of referees, match location, elements like weather (wind, sun, etc.), and lucky let courts, not to mention the finances needed to compete at the higher levels. Can you think of a few?
Managing Stress
Experience tells us that if you are in a verbal argument, take some time to clear your head. Get away, go for a brisk walk. Talk to your child about time management as it pertains to controlling the pace of the match. Winners often take (legal) bathroom breaks at critical times during match play. I am sure you have seen this control drama play out in both professional and junior level matches. Controlling the energy flow of the match is a super way to control the fire.
