The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon.
“Communication is less about what is being said and more about how the words are decoded by the listener.”
As coaches and parents communicate with their athletes, the athlete’s personality profile acts as a filter as they decode the information. Some athletes are wired to accept and enjoy the analysis of cold hard facts while others are wired to overlook the facts and instead zone in to the emotional climate of the conversations. Each athlete connects the dots and paints the picture they choose to hear. An individual’s personality profile determines how one communicates. (We will interpret personality profiles in greater detail in coming chapters.)
Is state of the art instruction about the instructor’s proficiency in performing drills, or is it about the instructor’s ability to connect with their student? Communicating above or below the digestion rate of the student is ineffective. While tennis knowledge and drilling efficiency are important, I believe a master teacher connects to the student and monitors the rate in which each student digests information. As we saw with Wendy and her father, the message received within the dialog is much more than the facts.
As I researched how to sharpen my communication skills, I realized that the way in which information is presented influences the outcome. I learned to focus on communicating honestly and with authenticity, but also to consider stressing or de-stressing the learning environment based on the energy in the room.
Successfully communicating the facts is highly dependent on WHAT message is being delivered and HOW the message is being delivered. The following list offers eight techniques I recommend applying to communicate effectively:
- Intertwine sports science facts with personal, emotional storytelling.
- Impart humor within a conversational tone to bond the relationship.
- Avoid a distancing style with an elitist attitude and academic language.
- Use inclusive pronouns like “We all need to…”
- Apply cadences, rhythms, and dramatic pauses to accentuate meaning.
- Vary their volume from a scream to a whisper to deepen the message.
- Pull listeners in by modifying the pace of delivery from excited and fast to dramatic and slow.
- Match and mirror the listener to make them more comfortable.
Great communicators presenting in groups or one-on-one have developed their presentation power. Armed with a full toolbox of delivery methods, they trade in intimidating, interrogating and dictating with sharing everyday experiences to engage the audience which is the heart of genuinely connecting.
I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?
Most parents and coaches want the very best for their children and students. However, finding the perfect words of comfort are not always easy, especially after competition. Regardless of the variations in personality profiles, parents and coaches alike need to reinforce the athlete’s efforts with sincere non-judgmental encouraging words. The following is a list of insightful statements athletes need to hear after competition:
- I love watching you play!
- I’m so proud of you.
- I’m impressed by your skills.
- I’m so grateful to be your parent.
- You are so brave.
- It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on-court.
- You are so creative and skillful.
- I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
- It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
- I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
- I admire your courage to compete.
- Your optimism is contagious- I love it when you smile.
- This is my favorite part of the week.
- I love being your parent and/or coach.
Research shows that performing in the future as the Alpha competitor stems from a positive belief system. Your words become their inner dialogue. Emotional aptitude is a learned behavior. Your child’s optimism and growth mindset should be molded daily. (Coach’s Note: Please send the above insightful list to the parents of your athletes.)
All the great coaches I’ve met have a strong need for connecting and belonging. Positive communication is vital for a happy, longstanding career. Exceptional communication builds better relationships, mutual respect, and trust which leads to success. Superior coaching is the art of changing an athlete in a non-dictatorial way.
The student-coach connection improves with effective communication via verbal and nonverbal communication channels. The following chapters will uncover several excellent recommendations for coaches and parents to immerse themselves in the art of listening.
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
Dalai Lama
