Released on January 28, 2023
The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
Chapter One Excerpt- Nurturing Happiness
Praise Effort, Not Results
When parents say, “Ethan, if you win the whole event, we’ll buy you a new computer game!”
The reality is that winning is out of Ethan’s control. An athlete can influence winning a tournament but can’t control it. There are far too many variables to manage in a match. Outcome goals create an anxious environment and obstruct the learning process. Parents should instead encourage process goals and view each match as a learning experience. The research is very consistent: praise effort, not results.
Solution: Replace this outcome bribe with an attainable goal, “Ethan, if you hit your three performance goals each match this event, we’ll buy you a new computer game.” Now Ethan is given a goal within his control.
After the tournament, parents should avoid discussing the laundry list of mistakes their athletes made during the match. This negative list of faults destroys your athlete’s self-esteem and confirms that they are broken and unworthy. Parents should send their match notes to their athlete’s coach, and the coach can address the issues during practice. Avoid a post-match verbal attack.
Lastly, parents avoid using their friend’s success against them. Praising their rival’s positive results compounds the pressure. Praising your athlete’s effort instead keeps them focused on the improvement process.
