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The Psychology of Tennis Parenting
When Advice Creates Drama
“I always tell my kid the same thing, and they don’t listen to me!”
The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM) states that there is a neurobiology of attachment between parents and children. As you intuitively know, the learning environment becomes more challenging when the athlete can’t separate the role of a loving parent and a demanding coach.
The athlete’s perceived lack of a consistent, caring parental relationship often instigates and prolongs dramatic coaching exchanges. The parent-coach dual role can make it more difficult for the athlete to regulate emotions, develop confidence, or build a trusting athlete-coach bond.
Solution:
If your athlete is resisting your parental coaching role, I suggest letting go of the “coaching gig.” Now, this doesn’t mean that you should completely detach. It means adjusting your parental coaching role to keep the love of the sport and the love between you and your athlete alive. So, if you believe your role as your athlete’s primary coach is essential, hire a primary coach to channel your strategies. Now you have a team working together; your athlete will feel free to express their needs and wants without fearing losing their parent’s love and respect.
Here are a few tips:
- Keep Things Fun
- Ask and Listen
- Promote Long Term Goals
- Emulate Leaders
- Respect their Personality Profile
- Guide them to Better Choices
- Avoid Lecturing
- Apply Modeling
- Build Relationships with the Coaches
- Provide Love Regardless of Results
Although coaching your child may be enjoyable and more economical, being your child’s coach may stunt their growth if they challenge your coaching role. It is common for parental coaches to eventually retire from their coaching gig and recommit to being their child’s full-time essential parents.
