The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Stop Worrying About What Others Think
One of the leading causes of performance anxiety is worrying about what others think. This unproductive energy zapper is a choice and an incredibly bad choice at that! This section will prove why. Let’s call on the twins, to see how they view worrying about what others think about them.
Question: Does the opinion of other players, coaches and/or parents matter to you?
Evan: Well, what’s right for someone else may be completely wrong for me. I’d rather let go of both the good and bad opinions and simply have faith in my skills. This is emotional aptitude, right Frank? Trusting your own opinions, decisions, abilities, and living on your own terms?
Jarrod: In the past I wanted the better players to like me, so I actually unknowingly tanked my matches with them. I respected them too much. I just let them win. I wasn’t sure why. I thought if I let them win… they’d like me. Kind of crazy, right? Now after talking about this emotional aptitude stuff, I realize that the fastest way to be liked is by beating them.
Question: Is the need to be accepted by other athletes holding you back?
Evan: I love being part of a team, but tennis isn’t a team sport. It’s an individual sport. I let go of the need to be accepted years ago and decided it’s in my best interest to customize my training. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the socialization of group training, but if that’s all I did, I would definitely be an average player, at best!
Jarrod: When I was young and naïve, I believed the other athletes in the group when they said that the group clinic was their only training. Later, I realized that they often snuck away and did extra private lessons to secretly get ahead of the rest of us. Pretty sneaky huh?
Question: Is the need for peer approval holding you hostage?
Evan: When I was in junior high, I procrastinated and avoided doing what’s right for me. I also wanted everyone to like me, so I tried to blend in and not stand out. This limited my growth opportunities because I couldn’t get better and with an average work ethic. I was exhausting trying to please the cool people.
Jarrod: I am finally seeing how emotional aptitude really is important. I used to try to do too much- never wanting to miss the fun. I would never say no. Looking back, trying to please all my non-athletic friends really hurt my development.
