The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.
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Effective Listening- Part 3
Those of us who fail to abide by the above guidelines send damaging subconscious “red flags” to the athlete in regards to the student-teacher relationship. Parents and coaches who are poor listeners send the following messages to their athletes:
- Your opinions and views aren’t as important as mine.
- Your feelings are ridiculous and stupid.
- I’ll explain your position more accurately than you.
- Listening to you is a waste of my precious time.
- I’m superior, stop talking and I’ll prove it once again to you.
- There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t heard a million times.
Being a thoughtful teacher and communicator begins by being an empathetic listener. Great listeners change the student’s perspective from a problem being a catastrophic event to an issue that is a solvable opportunity for growth.
Questions That Motivate Dialog
A great tool used to develop champions is to ask your athlete their opinion before you tell them your opinion. Questions can be based on an athlete’s perception of their successes or failures.
Dialog producing examples include:
- “What was the cause of the winner or error?”
- “How did that feel when you?”
- “Were you paying attention to the opponent’s?”
- “What was the highest percentage shot selection at that moment?”
- “If you could do it again, what would you do?”
- “What were you tactically trying to achieve?”
- “Are you staying on script?”
On and off the tennis court, winners are great problem solvers so avoid the parental and coaching temptation to solve all their problems for them. By doing so, you’re robbing them of the exact skill sets needed to win tough future matches. In the big picture, listening to them versus talking “at” them is a much more enjoyable approach for the athlete. It sends the message of trust. It motivates them to take ownership of solution-based thinking. With regards to keeping athletes in the game, customized student-based teaching is a fundamental missing link.
