Tag Archives: Emotional Aptitude

The Importance of Nurturing- Tennis Development Part 1

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

Click Here to Order through Amazon

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

The Importance of Nurturing

 

A family from Georgia called to book a 3-day customized evaluation session with me in California. Steven, the dad, was a former nationally ranked junior and top college player. Eddy, his 14-year-old son, is a junior competitor. As we began our tennis evaluation, within minutes, I noticed some glaring red flags. Halfway through the morning session, I could tell that Steven wanted Eddy to be a tennis star much more than Eddy.

A lack of athleticism wasn’t the cause of Eddy’s failings in tournament competition. I realized rather quickly what was keeping Eddy from attaining the results he was capable of achieving. Although Eddy was a talented ball-striker, he needed a customized development plan to develop the skills essential to becoming an elite athlete.

In our afternoon session, after we bonded a bit, I asked Eddy, “Bro, What are your tennis goals? Where do you see yourself in four years?” Eddy responded, “I don’t know. I mean, I’ll give it a try…if it works out then great. Fed’s life doesn’t look too shabby. I guess I could be a pro like Roger.”

Eddy’s common lackadaisical approach showed interest in the game but lacked commitment, and there’s a big difference between interest and commitment. Athletes merely interested in the sport, train when they feel like it. They train when it conveniently fits into their social calendar. I asked Eddy what was holding him back.  Eddy said, “I don’t know…I just don’t always feel like training.” I added that’s fair because you’ve got to commit to it, to believe in it.” The seed was planted. I simply needed to let it blossom within.

At lunch, I asked Steven if he thought Eddy was committed to excellence. He hesitated and then said, “No but that’s why I brought him cross-country to you. I hear that you’re great at motivating excellence and nurturing that commitment.”

While evaluating Eddy’s hardware (strokes and athleticism) with on-court drills, I began the positive brainwashing process of nurturing his commitment. I reminded Eddy that he had mentioned that his buddies at home were all top 20 in his section. “Yeah, and I’m tired of losing early every tournament and being their stupid cheerleader,” I asked him if he thought he was doing all he could to be the best tennis player possible. He responded, “No, probably not…”

All too often naive athletes want the rewards to materialize before the hard work takes place. I mentioned to Eddy several times throughout our three-day evaluation that is a commitment to excellence means that if he wanted to join his buddies in the top 20, he would have to prioritize his tennis above his social life. Athletes have to train like world-class athletes for years before they ever reach world-class status. I then threw out a couple of goofy life analogies: “You’ve got to chop the wood and build a fire before you feel the heat, right? You’ve got to prepare the soil, plant the seed and work the fields before you can harvest the crop”, right?” Before I could throw out another annoying analogy, Eddy interrupted.

“Yeah, yeah I get it. There are two approaches: Commitment to excellence or acceptance of mediocrity.” “Right! And either way, you’ve got to live with your decision.” I replied.  At that moment, I sensed that the light bulb went off in his head. I’ve got an idea, “Let’s work through it together and commit for 3-months. After 3-months, if it isn’t working for you, then you’re free to chill and play the sport as a hobby. Give the 100% commitment a shot. I bet that if you put in the effort and stick to your customized developmental plan week in and week out, you’ll transform into a top 20 player by year’s end!”

Six weeks later I got a text from Eddy with a photo of him holding up his first USTA trophy. All it said was, “I just had to climb the mountain…then I was able to see the view. Thanks, Coach!”

 

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The Importance of Nurturing- Part 2

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to OrderSoft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

 

Developmental Psychology

“It is not nature versus nurture; it is nature and nurture.”

Today there’s a movement called Developmental Psychology. These experts research the intertwining relationship between genetic and environmental influences. In regards to the athletes’ environmental influences, the two most important influences I’ve witnessed are their parents and coaches. Teachers and older siblings come in a close second. We influence why athletes think the way they think, why they say what they say and why they do what they do. We are the environmental influences that mold their talents and temperaments.

Developmental Psychology researchers use the word plasticity as they discover deeper implications to how humans respond to nurturing. Following are two negative pre-match preparation pep talks given to an athlete’s by his parents. Although both messages lack positive support, it is the way in which the athlete chooses to respond that is interesting.

 

Toxic Pre Match Parental Pep Talk

“Joseph, if you blow it again this weekend, your mother and I are considering pulling the plug on your tennis. I’ll be taking notes and listing all your shortcomings on my iPad. Don’t blow it! Love, Dad.”

Uninvolved Parent Pre Match Dialog

“Joey, honey… Mommy’s driving into the city to Nordstrom’s half-yearly sale. I have to drop you off at 7:00 a.m. I put lunch money in your bag. Enjoy your little game. I’ll pick you up between 6:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Mommy.”

 

Although the first pep talk is clearly negative and soul-wrenching to read let alone experience, the second pep talk is just as negative. A parent that takes no interest in their child’s passion is showing a lack of support and encouragement. Remember, it’s how the athlete chooses to respond that’s critical. Some athletes work hard to prove their parents right. Some fight all their lives to prove their parents wrong. Which of the following responses would you choose?

Response A-The Athletes folds as they feel the lack of parental confidence, love, and support and shortly quit the game. Proving the parents right.

Response B– The athlete applies plasticity as they use their parent’s horrendous pre-match pep talks to motivate better performance. Proving the parents wrong.

 

Self-Nurturing

I believe that high-performance athletes determined to be the best they can be, have to take nurturing to another level. I call it self-nurturing, and I believe it to be the most important life skill. Self-nurturing is choosing to apply persistence and resiliency in the face of poor outside influences. I’ve witnessed athletes with incredible coaching and parenting who choose to fail, as well as, athletes with absolutely pitiful coaching and parenting who choose to succeed.

If success is in the athlete’s blood, I suggest motivating them to think of the negative people and their words as fuel. Proving someone wrong who doesn’t believe in them is powerful motivation. It’s self-nurturing at its finest. These individuals make the athlete work smarter, harder and longer …all for the reward of proving them wrong. Revenge is funny that way.

Improving self-nurturing skills requires us to put aside our ego and listen to others. I’m not suggesting that you agree with 100% of what they’re saying, but rather consider the context of their words and take a look in the mirror and decide if there’s any truth to their comments. Every one of us has aspects of our life that we can improve.

Coaches, parents, and athletes with a little self-reflection, we can all challenge ourselves in the realm of self-nurturing. To me, self-nurturing is a daily self-educating process. Every industry leader I admire is obsessed with self-improvement. They research relentlessly, attend conferences, read, write books, and take online courses to continue to learn and improve. They expose their deficiencies and make them efficiencies.

 

“The great self-nurturers of our time are growth mindset individuals who see futuristically, something greater that is currently present.”

Personality Based Training

The following post is an excerpt from The Soft Science of Tennis SOON to be released!

Personality Based Training

“Personality profiling assists coaches, athletes, and parents in understanding how individuals gather information and make decisions. It’s how we are wired. It’s what makes us tick.”

Personality Based Training (PBT) is a training method that focuses the attention on the athlete’s unique brain design as opposed to the educator. When applying PBT, tennis pros and parents welcome and respect the athlete’s unique preferred styles of learning, behaving and playing the game.  The athletes feel empowered because their views and needs are recognized. And once understood, students are more motivated and inspired to learn and improve. An inspired student is more likely to take the leadership role in achieving their goals.

“Athletes would benefit from understanding the advantages and disadvantages of their unique brain design. It’s why they are naturally good at some things and uncomfortable with others.”

It’s important to note that while I’ve studied sports psychology for the past 30 years, I am a veteran, “In the Trenches” practical application tennis coach, not an “Academia” psychologist. But neither were Katharine Briggs and her daughter Isabel Myers, authors of the famous Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI- A psychological questionnaire used to understand individuals mental preferences.) published in the United States in 1943. Together Myers-Briggs noticed that individuals have different temperaments and unique ways of seeing the world.

While some scientists say the MBTI doesn’t stand up to scientific reliability, I can say with all honesty that it has helped me coach over 100 National Champions and several Pro tour athletes. More importantly, personality profiling benefits my athletes and their entourage of parents, coaches, and trainers at a much deeper level. A study conducted by Psychology Today, reports that approximately 80% of Fortune 500 companies use various personality tests to hire future employees, to assess progress, and to maximize efficiency and harmony through team building events. The time has come to broaden the role of personality profiling into the athletic realm, as I have outlined in The Soft Science of Tennis. 

Getting to know the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)
The MBTI is the most popular psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. It is my intention to bring to light the usefulness of brain preference identification in the tennis industry. Each student has a preferred way of seeing the world. The basic MBTI theory categorizes preferences into four groups from which individuals identify their dominant cerebral preference.

The Typographies Include:

  • Extraversion (“E”)-  People/Places
  • Introversion (“I”)- Theories/ Information
  • Sensing (“S”)- Facts/Reality
  • Intuition (“N”) Possibilities/Potential
  • Thinking (“T”)- Logic/Truthfulness
  • Feeling (“F”)- Harmony/Relationships
  • Judgment (“J”)- Orderly/Structured
  • Perception (“P”)- Flexible/Adaptable

For each of the above pairings, your athletes typically have a preference for one system above the other. The combination of their four preferences gives them their initial assessment in a four-letter acronym. An example is personality profile: ISTP (Introvert Sensate Thinker Perceiver)

“View your athlete’s brain design (dominant and auxiliary) the same way you would view right handed versus left handed body type functions. Each athlete has an inborn preferred system.”

In my experience, personality profiling is a soft science, meaning other factors such as nurturing and environments skew the data. With that said, I believe that athletes have specific preferences in the way they experience the world and these choices affect their actions, values, and motivational needs on and off the tennis court.

 

Handling Adversity- Part Four

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Hardships in sports prepare you for the Real World

There is no success in high-performance sport without hardships. Hardships are actually the lessons needed to prepare athletes for success in the real world.

Strength doesn’t come from winning, it comes from the battle.

 

A study published in The Journal of Personal & Social Psychology reported that individuals who experience normal adverse events have better overall mental health than individuals with no real history of misfortune. I’ve found this same scenario to be true with athletes. Many talented athletes who are coddled and pampered by parents and coaches in their youth have difficulty in handling adversity in their teens. These junior athletes are sheltered from the exact problem-solving skills they need in order to thrive at the higher levels. This lack of resiliency is an especially important life skill needed for success. In a sense, resiliency is like a “psychological immune system” which aids athletes in coping with the hardships that come with competing at the higher levels of sports.

 

“What doesn’t Kill you… makes you stronger”

                                                         Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Coaches and parents of athletes should be fostering resiliency on a daily basis. I suggest that you re-visit your test scores in section one and customize your developmental pathway.

 

Life skills Transcend Sports

My daughter, Sarah was a top tennis player in her teens.  She won ten National titles, was ranked #1 in the US and played the US Open by age 15. One of her emotional skills developed through sports was perseverance. Fast forward 10 years and she calls me, “Dad, I just closed a half a million dollar deal- in my new sales position.  OMG, this is so much easier than pro tennis! I just called the CEO every Tuesday for two months and BINGO! ”

Podcast – How to Use Neuro Priming

NEURO PRIMING FOR PEAK PERFORMANCE_3D

Check out Frank’s talk radio podcast with Ian of
Essential Tennis

 

TOPIC: How to use neuro priming?

 
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Common Performance Anxieties and their Solutions- Part One

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Common Performance Anxieties and their Solutions

 

Performance anxiety falls deeply into the emotional aptitude component of high-performance athletics. These anxieties affect millions of athletes, causing low self-esteem, wavering confidence and waning enjoyment of the game. Psychologists categorize performance anxiety into two basic categories:

State Anxiety: Is a temporary emotional state in response to a perceived threat.

Trait Anxiety: Is a personality trait as opposed to a temporary response.

This is an important distinction because a player with a trait anxiety condition may need professional help in dealing with their anxiety in everyday life.  Whereas a player with state anxiety can more easily be taught to control their response to competition.

Stress is inherent in competition.  So why do some athletes rise to the occasion and thrive under pressure while others wilt under the slightest bit of heat? The answer lies in the individual’s genetics as well as their upbringing. This is commonly referred to as nature and nurture.

 

SOLUTION: Identify the Athlete’s Stress Management Profile

Athletes begin competition with their own unique level of composure. To the untrained eye, two athletes warming up may appear to have a similar athletic ability, but once the competition begins it’s an entirely different story. The degree to which an athlete responds to stress depends on their frustration tolerance level.

Frustration tolerance is the ability to endure stress and maintain composure when met with obstacles.

An athlete’s frustration tolerance level is an essential topic.  It plays a crucial role in why seemingly gifted athletes lose.

Here are a few observations regarding frustration tolerance and opposing personalities under stress:

  • Some folks are both pre-wired and nurtured to agonize and over think. Others are pre-wired and nurtured combatants and ready to fight at the drop of a hat.
  • Some athletes become so overwhelmed by the opponent’s intensity that they emotionally withdraw. Other players get motivated by conflict and their energy rises to the occasion.
  • Some personalities are designed to thrive in fast pace settings – increasing their productivity under stress. While under the same stress, other personalities shut down due to the trauma.

 

I’ve found that the customization and repetition of practicing in the manner you’re expected to perform greatly assist those overthinking agonizers. By applying quality practice sessions (infusing simulated pressure into drills) over quantity practice sessions (stagnant familiar drills) overthinking agonizers can be nurtured to become strong competitors.

Foster Emotional Strength- Part 2

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Following are Five More Solutions to Foster Emotional Strength.

  1. Embrace Failure
    Initial failures are the beginning of the long road to success. They are your teachers. It’s often through setbacks that your customized secrets to success are found.
  2. Step Up and Take Responsibility
    A challenge for many athletes is to not allow parents or coaches to routinely solve their problems for them. Solve your problems yourself versus tapping out when difficulties arise.
  3. Take Competitive Risks
    Being scared to leave your comfort zone stalls the growth you seek. Take the risk…or grow old wondering if you were ever good enough.
  4. Ask Experts About Their Story
    You’ll quickly realize that failing is what winners do often. Winners often don’t have the most physical talent. They most often possess the positive emotional qualities you seek.
  5. Organize a New Developmental Plan
    Success stems from spectacular preparation. A brand new deliberate, customized developmental plan along with intelligent game day preparation could make all the difference in the world.

Solutions to Foster Emotional Strength

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

 

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EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

Elite competitors are confident that their superior emotional strength will override any hardships and physical limitations. The emotionally weak athletes are convinced that the unfair hardships and their perceived limitations will override their peak performance
and catastrophe will once again occur.

 

An old-school word used to describe emotional aptitude is Grit. In regards to high achievers, researchers have come to the conclusion that successful individuals possess traits deeper than the mastery of athletic ability.  Grit is persistent courage, resolve, and strength of character. Grit is the learned ability to have “nerves of steel,” fortitude and determination. Interestingly, some athletes are pre-wired to have these essential components and some are not. For those athletes who are not natural combatants, developing emotional aptitude is critical.

Sadly, emotionally weak competitors often ignore the development of such skills.  Cultivating these character traits is what propels the few into the winners’ circle. If you believe that your emotions are holding you hostage on game day and keeping you from the success you deserve, I suggest focusing your attention on the below list of solutions

Posted Below are Five of Fifteen Solutions to Foster Emotional Strength.

  1. Nurture the Love of Competition
    Studies show that experiences bring more joy than possessions. The energy of the event is contagious. Athletes should enjoy competing against their past, fatigue, opponents and against time.
  2. Commit to Improving
    Being the best of the best (even in your town) doesn’t come without extreme effort. Improve your performance by understanding emotional aptitude.
  3. Recognize That You Can’t Be Normal …and a Champion
    Champions lead very different lives than normal people. Being an athletic champion is a daily lifestyle.
  4. Customize Your Training
    Realize that diligent customized training trumps social, group learning. Research shows, on average, group training takes up to six times longer than quality private training.
  5. Adopt a Growth Mind-Set
    Great skills are cultivated through continuous effort more so than initial talent or IQ. Without effort…you fail by default. Understand that success starts with the effort of optimism and a growth mindset.

RESILIENCY In Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Raising Athletic Royalty NOW available through most online retailers!
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Raising Athletic Royalty

RESILIENCY 

 

“DURING COMPETITION, IT’S THE SPEED THAT YOU RECOVER FROM MISTAKES THAT OFTEN SEPARATES THE WINNERS FROM THE LOSERS.”

 

“Self-control in sports often refers to how one reacts to hardships.”

 

“HIGH-PERFORMANCE ATHLETES HAVE MASTERED THE ART OF RESILIENCY.”

 

“Resilient thinkers aren’t reduced by a loss, they are challenged by it.”

 

“RESILIENT ATHLETES DON’T OVER THINK, THEY SIMPLY ADAPT.”

 

“Success is not judged by winning or losing. In athletic competition, you can perform above your current peak level and still lose. You can also perform way below your personal best and sometimes win.”