The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible
Available through most online retailers!
QUESTION: I believe my son’s perfectionism is interfering with his performance. Can you help?
Frank: In my opinion, the age-old motto of trying to play 110% in competition is dead wrong. Athletes who constantly attempt to force perfection over press and play tight. Perfectionist should simply be asked to aim for an excellent performance versus a perfect performance. In match play, the athlete should try 90% instead of 110% and learn to accept a few minor errors along the way to victory.
Parents and players who are perfectionists are so stressed about being perfect that it often stunts the actual growth they seek and leads to misery for everyone around them. The coach should encourage their athlete to seek the courage to let go of unrealistic and damaging beliefs like athletic perfectionism and enjoy the journey.
Assisting a perfectionist to get the most out of their talent requires designing a new belief system. Perfectionism afflicts some of the most naturally gifted players I’ve ever seen. In my opinion, needing to be perfect 100 percent of the time has been a major stumbling block for those that have chosen to neglect emotional training.
The Top 8 Signs of a Perfectionist:
1) Perfectionists believe that there is only one way to do it right.
After hitting a great shot, a perfectionist may say, “Yah…I hit a winner, but didn’t you see it? My follow through was 6.5 inches too low! Why can’t I do it correctly?”
2) Perfectionists obsess over basics.
Perfectionist parent’s often say, “I can run a Fortune 500 company and control 2000 employees, but I can’t get my daughter to control her #@*%+… ball toss!”
3) Perfectionists love to share their inflicted disease.
Perfectionist not only spot their own errors but enjoy spotting yours and everyone else’s flaws as well. Then, of course, they love to share it with you.
4) Perfectionists demand perfection in others.
Perfectionist parent’s often say to their children, “Honey, I know you’re only 7 years old but you should be able to get more kick on that second serve. Dinner will wait, do another basket.”
5) Perfectionists find things to worry about.
Junior perfectionists often say, “What if it rains, I checked the forecast every 15 minutes last night…I could end up playing Zoe if we both get to the 4th round. She’s the world’s biggest pusher! What if I play Kelly, everyone knows she cheats. Remember when she cheated me in sectionals? Hey Dad, I heard there’s a hurricane off the coast of Florida, do you think the wind will be a factor? …”
6) Perfectionist’s over-think.
Due to their deep need to always be right, perfectionists often over think in matches. Teaching professionals call it paralysis by analysis. They live in their analytical left brain. This is where constant editing and judging takes place. Unfortunately for them, true “in the zone” tennis is played in the right hemisphere of the brain. The exact over analysis a perfectionist thrives on is what’s enabling them from enjoying peak performance in competition.
7) Perfectionists constantly second guess themselves.
Junior perfectionists in a match are often thinking, “Oh, here comes a short ball, I should go in, no maybe not, it’s possibly a trick, I better wait and analyze the situation, oh, look at that…too late…”
8) Perfectionists often blow 5-2 leads.
The match is comfortably under control and your little perfectionist misses an easy sitter. Instead of shaking it off, they blow it completely out of proportion and begin to panic. Now, thanks to their perfectionism, their defeated opponent sees their instability and begins to believe that they can beat this crazy person. Once again, that comfortable match is now a 5-5 dog fight.
If your child refuses to accept anything short of perfect, ask them to research Perfectionism via google. This psychological profile offers both positive and negative traits. I’m a huge fan of the positive effects that stem from this personality profile. However, I worry about the players who feel that they’re only satisfied by obtaining unobtainable goals. Being satisfied exclusively by achieving unrealistic goals just sets the player up for consistent disappointments. Without intervention, these athletes most often quit the sport.
