Positive Communication

Tennis Training- Listening Part 4

Posted on April 27, 2020 by Frank Giampaolo in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book,
The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

soft science

Pessimistic athletes project performance anxieties with statements such as:

“I’m always worried about failing.”
“I’m not good enough for that level.”
“I’m not ready to compete.”
“I can’t do it…I always blow it.”
“I’m not jealous but how is Kelly playing #1 and not me?”
“I have to win tomorrow or my life is over.”
“I don’t belong here.”
“I hate this…I hate that…”

Optimistic athletes project self-esteem and confidence with statements such as:

“I can’t wait to compete tomorrow.”
“I respect him but I’m going to beat him.”
“Competing is fun!”
“I trained properly and I’m confident in my awesome ability.”
“I’m grateful for the privilege of playing.”
“I trust my game and problem-solving skills.”
“I love the competitive tennis lifestyle.”
“I appreciate all the love and support from my parents and coaches.”

“A man is but the product of his thoughts – what he thinks, he becomes.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Applying Positive Affirmations

If one’s thoughts become one’s reality, what exactly is a positive affirmation? A positive affirmation is a positive declaration or assertion. As optimistic thoughts sink into one’s subconscious mind, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy over-riding old negative beliefs and habits with positive beliefs and rituals. Positive affirmations sound like silly fluff to specific personality profiles but they are proven methods of emotional improvement. When applied religiously, positive affirmations have the ability to rewire the chemistry in your athlete’s brain. Elite athletes believe in their potential.

Assignment

Ask your athletes to customize ten positive affirmations that will help their self-esteem and confidence. Then ask them to read them aloud into their cell phone voice-recorder app. Finally, ask them to listen to their customized recording nightly as they are falling asleep. As they mentally rehearse their optimistic views, new solution based habits are formed and negative beliefs are dissolved.

Effective Listening doesn’t stop with the verbal language. A great deal of information is available from the athlete without them saying a single word. The next chapter addresses the high IQ coach’s secret ability to zero in on gathering critical information via non-verbal communication.

Posted on February 17, 2020 by Frank Giampaolo in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

“Parents who feel the need to criticize their athletes after completion are nurturing their child’s disbelief and genuine doubt in their future ability.”

Frank Giampaolo

soft science

I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?

Most parents and coaches want the very best for their children and students. However, finding the perfect words of comfort are not always easy, especially after competition. Regardless of the variations in personality profiles, parents and coaches alike need to reinforce the athlete’s efforts with sincere non-judgmental encouraging words. The following is a list of insightful statements athletes need to hear after competition:

I love watching you play!
I’m so proud of you.
I’m impressed by your skills.
I’m so grateful to be your parent.
You are so brave.
It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on-court.
You are so creative and skillful.
I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
I admire your courage to compete.
Your optimism is contagious- I love it when you smile.
This is my favorite part of the week.
I love being your parent and/or coach.

Research shows that performing in the future as the Alpha competitor stems from a positive belief system. Your words become their inner dialogue. Emotional aptitude is a learned behavior. Your child’s optimism and growth mindset should be molded daily. (Coach’s Note: Please send the above insightful list to the parents of your athletes.)

All the great coaches I’ve met have a strong need for connecting and belonging. Positive communication is vital for a happy, longstanding career. Exceptional communication builds better relationships, mutual respect, and trust which leads to success. Superior coaching is the art of changing an athlete in a non-dictatorial way.

The student-coach connection improves with effective communication via verbal and nonverbal communication channels. The following chapters will uncover several excellent recommendations for coaches and parents to immerse themselves in the art of listening.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 1

Posted on July 23, 2019 by Frank Giampaolo in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

Sharpening Healthier Communication

It’s dinner time at the Klein’s house. Mr. Klein and his daughter Wendy spent the day at a USTA level 3 girls 16’s event. Wendy was seeded #4 in the tournament. Her 9:00 am match went terribly wrong. Wendy’s serve percentages were catastrophically low and as a result, she suffered an embarrassing first-round loss.

Later that night at the dinner table the conversation quickly escalated from small talk to another tennis-related screaming match. As they passed the potatoes, another family dinner was ruined. Mr. Klein wished he had an instruction manual for these heated exchanges.

Psychologists researching communication offer a concept called the Four-Sides Model. The theory states that Mr. Klein’s initial comment “Honey, your serve was really off today.” exposed four possible ways Wendy could accept the data:

As an impersonal factual stat.
Insights about Mr. Klein’s feelings.
As a personal underlining insult towards Wendy.
As an appeal for improvement.

The message Mr. Klein was intentionally trying to convey isn’t necessarily what was perceived by Wendy. Mr. Klein’s statement “Honey, your serve was really off today.” led to a whirlwind of problems between him and his daughter. This, in turn, spiraled into the silent treatment from his wife because once again their family harmony was disrupted.

For Mr. Klein, the factual data and appeal for improvement were the only reason for the statement. Wendy’s interpretation of his statement was polar opposite. Wendy felt awful because she believed that she had let her parents and coaches down. She also concluded that her father’s statement about her serve implied that she was not working hard enough and that she was a failure.

“Communication is less about what is being said and more about how the words are decoded by the listener.”

As coaches and parents communicate with their athlete, the athlete’s personality profile acts as a filter as they decode the information. Some athletes are wired to accept and enjoy the analysis of cold hard facts while others are wired to overlook the facts and instead zone into the emotional climate of the conversations. Each athlete connects the dots and paints the picture they choose to hear. An individual’s personality profile determines how one communicates. (We will interpret personality profiles in greater detail in coming chapters.)

Is state of the art instruction about the instructor’s proficiency in performing drills, or is it about the instructor’s ability to connect with their student? Communicating above or below the digestion rate of the student is ineffective. While tennis knowledge and drilling efficiency are important, I believe a master teacher connects to the student and monitors the rate at which each student digests information. As we saw with Wendy and her father, the message received within the dialog is much more than the facts.

As I researched how to sharpen my communication skills, I realized that the way in which information is presented influences the outcome. I learned to focus on communicating honestly and with authenticity, but also to consider stressing or de-stressing the learning environment based on the energy in the room.

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 3

Posted on September 15, 2018 by Frank Giampaolo in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?

I love watching you play!
I’m so proud of you.
I’m impressed by your skills.
I’m so grateful to be your parent.
You are so brave.
It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on-court.
You are so creative and skillful.
I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
I admire your courage to compete.
Your optimism is contagious- I love when you smile.
This is my favorite part of the week.
I love being your parent and/or coach.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

Positive Self Talk

Posted on June 15, 2016 by Frank Giampaolo in The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most on-line retailers! Click Here to Order

Confidence Is Nurtured by Positive Self Talk

Encourage your athlete to think positively, such as, I deserve my success, I have trained for it, I am a problem solver, I am resilient, I will do my best and or I can. A positive attitude is a critical first step when tackling performance anxiety issues. Sadly, I’ve found that many athletes are actually nurtured pessimism. This happens when players are raised by parents or trained by coaches that see the negatives in every situation- which is actually programming pessimism unknowingly to their children. Ironically, the very same parents and coaches often report, “My kids are so negative!”

If the family environment is becoming a bit too negative, a fun game to play for the entire family is an old psychology exercise called the “Flip It” game. Trust me, it could change your lives.

Hold a family meeting and introduce a one week exercise. Everyone is encouraged to say “Flip It” whenever they witness another family member saying something pessimistic or acting negative. Athlete example, “I don’t want to eat this healthy stuff.”- FLIP IT, “I hate this drill”-FLIP IT, “It’s too early…I don’t want to go for a run before school.” FLIP IT! Parental example “Yea, he won 6-2, 6-4 but he should of won 0-0”, -FLIP IT! This exercise spotlights the negative behavior. It makes the “negatron” aware of his/her reoccurring pessimism and encourages optimism in a light hearted, non-threatening way.

“Learning to spot and flip pessimism and replace it with optimism is presenting the moral code needed to champion tennis and life.”

CONTACT: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
www.MaximizingTennisPotential.com

The Laundry List

Posted on May 13, 2015 by Frank Giampaolo in Maximizing Tennis Potential, Raising Athletic Royalty

The following post is an excerpt from Raising Athletic Royalty . Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

I am pleased to announce that my new book has been released: Raising Athletic Royalty: Insights to Inspire for a Lifetime. It is your go to guide to motivating and nurturing the greatness found in your children.

There is no doubt that parental modeling plays the most significant role in the way an athlete is nurtured. Children instinctively imitate their parent’s behaviors, attitudes and moral conduct. This makes supportive and informed (athletic) parental nurturing essential in maximizing a child’s potential at the quickest rate, regardless of the chosen passion/endeavor.

The code of excellence we all wish to imprint on our children cannot be taught in only a few hours a week by a gifted coach. These life lessons need to be nurtured day in and day out by their parents.

LESSON: The Laundry List

“Great game men,” said Coach Stevens. “You guys are improving every week. We are one heck of a football team! Every one of you gave it your all out there and I’m so proud! Keep up the good work! I’ll see you Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. at Riley Park for practice… READY BREAK!”

Every kid was smiling and laughing walking off the game day field, except for Randy.

Randy knew what was to come. He was a quiet ball of knots as he slowly headed toward his father’s car adding a limp to his gait to support a fake injury while holding his iphone in hand ready to text his friend about homework the moment he got into the car. These were just a few of the aversion tactics Randy regularly employed to lessen the barrage of criticism that was sure to come from his father. If he pretended to be injured and was addressing the importance of homework he needed to complete, then his father may go easy on him.

You see Randy’s dad believed that he was actually helping Randy by watching every game and compiling a detailed laundry list of Randy’s failed plays, mistakes and improvement issues. Randy’s dad didn’t even realize that he was destroying his son’s confidence and self-esteem by pointing out his every flaw. No matter how good Randy was, it was not good enough. No matter how long Randy trained, it was not long enough. No matter how many things Randy fixed, his dad would find more flaws.

Mr. Wilson did not have a clue that the only thing he was cultivating was excuses, no effort and zero enjoyment for the sport, not to mention a seriously unhealthy family environment. After all, why in the world would Randy want to play if it only led to a new laundry list of why he’s so slow, uncoordinated and stupid?

Parents, remember that the only comments you should make directly after competition are motivational and positive comments like: “I wish I had the guts to go out there and perform like that.”, “I think it’s so cool watching you out there.”, “You’re getting better and better everything day.”, “Did you have fun out there today?” or “You’re playing great; let me know if I can help you with anything!” Motivating the growth you seek comes from optimism and not from pessimism. Continually reminding your children of their failures is futile. Instead, after each game or practice session, support your child’s efforts with love and praise.

If you or your spouse possess this dreaded parental laundry list of failure disease, begin to replace the list of negative remarks with positive ones.

If you deeply feel that your laundry list is insightful and important to the growth of your child, I suggest asking the coach if you can email the list to him after the game. Then ask him if he can pay special attention to those issues. Chances are that your child will accept the valid feedback if it is presented by the coach instead of the parent. A good coach should have a better way of presenting the issues in an optimistic and positive light.

Thanks for visiting, Frank
FGSA@earthlink.net
www.maximizingtennispotential.com
www.raisingathleticroyalty.com

The Customized Peak Performance Cycle Vs. The Old School Obsolete Cycle

In high level tennis, there is often a very fine line between competitive success and failure. A poor start, an initial lack of focus, or a bout of wavering confidence can cause a seemingly winnable match to quickly slip away. The will to properly prepare for competition usually makes the difference. For players to achieve consistent positive match results, their preparation must include ritualistic, inflexible routines. Success in tournaments is directly related to the quality of preparation. Champions become champions because they’re the few who are actually willing to put in the grueling hours of pre-match preparation. Spectacular achievements are preceded by spectacular preparation. Remember the old saying “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”? Make today be the last day that you go into an event unprepared. Below are two different match preparation cycles.

The Customized Peak Performance Cycle

Rest
Review Match Logs/Match Video Analysis
Retool: Stroke Components
Movement Components
Tactical Components
Emotional/Focus Components
Pattern Repetition
Practice Sets/ Tie-Breakers
Tournament
Take Home another Trophy

Versus

The Old School Obsolete Cycle

Rest
Refuse To Do Match Analysis
Ignore Your Issues
Take Privates (While the coach feeds right to you)
Pay Good Money to Boom Back & Forth in Academies
Play King of the Hill
Play Points (Winners move up, losers drop down)
Tournament
Lose Early

Which one of these cycles best represents your (or your player’s) cycle? It’s easy to see that The Customized Peak Performance Cycle is what will produce the results you want to see. Need help getting started? Pick up your copy of my International Player Evaluation or email fgsa@earthlink.net for a custom evaluation package.

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
Affiliate

Positive Athletic Parenting

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Frank Giampaolo in Parent Player Communication, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from The Tennis Parent’s Bible. Thanks for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

QUESTION:My son says I’m negative. How do I push him nicely?

Frequently, parents get fixated on what our junior “world beater” is doing wrong, what they need to change, need to learn or need to improve! Because we are so focused on our child’s success, we often become preoccupied with only seeing their faults.Focus on putting a positive spin in your approach as you gently guide your child through the “wars” of junior tennis.

Here are three ways you can apply your positive influence:

Say 5 Positive Comments for Every Negative Comment

The fact is many youngsters only hear their parent’s negative comments and ignore positive comments. It is important to acknowledge your child’s efforts to improve.

SPECIAL NOTE: Here’s an eye opening or I should say “ear” opening trick. Place a recorder in your pocket.

Record a few training sessions and self-chart your positive to negative remarks!

Celebrate the Positive: Reinforce what you want to see more!

The following is an example of this rule. Your son’s ball toss is still too high on his serve. Instead of saying “Come on Mike…You are still tossing too high…How many stinking times do I have to tell you!” say “Hey, this is great, your toss is a lot lower. I knew you could make this easy change! Keep working and you will see your consistency really grow!” The positive approach actually gets results as you keep your relationship from getting negative and jaded.

Teach Gratitude: A more positive attitude will lead to more positive behavior.

Assist your child in focusing on the good things about their life. Problems and difficulties will always be present. It is very important for your child to feel grateful about their life opportunities.

FUN FACT: There is a world of difference between “I have to play tennis today” and “I get to play tennis today.” By showing gratitude, both of you will be calmer, happier and more appreciative of each other and others will want to be around you because of your positive attitudes.

To summarize, replace criticisms with a more positive approach. Hard work doesn’t have to be a painful, drudgery. Yes, tennis is hard. Yes, it is a “dog-eat-dog world”, but it doesn’t have to be negative.

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
MaximizingTennisPotential.com
Affiliate

Parent Player Communication

Posted on March 18, 2015 by Frank Giampaolo in Parent Player Communication

Thank you for visiting, Frank Gimapaolo

Why do junior athletes discredit & fight with their parents so often?

A teens actions and thoughts are a direct result of their validation. Teens have a deep desire to fit in. In their eyes, once they are discredited, they slip into their defensive state- in this competitive, stubborn head space, athlete shut down. They are then unable to process a helpful, harmless opinion.

Solution: I recommend reverse psychology. Empower positive validation to help maximize performance.

For example: If your young athlete is still not bending their knees, replace the typical, “Sarah, your still not bending your knees! How many times do I have to tell you !” with “Wow, I’m impressed Sarah! You’re really starting to bend your knees get lower on your shots! Can you feel it?”

With parent’s positive validation, subconsciously, the player is able to listen because their defensive wall isn’t up. If they can’t feel it…they may just try a little harder without being told they are still wrong. Bingo!!! They have lowered their knee bend without the typical ego beat-down.

Parents and coaches who choose to list, expose and magnify every problem they see are in for daily battles,not to mention damaged relationships. Most teens don’t thrive under those conditions. How would you feel if someone listed, expose and magnified everything they perceived you did wrong every single day ?

Positive actions are a result of positive validations. Apply reverse psychology and maximize their potential without the battles.

Contact: Frank Gimapaolo

FGSA@earthlink.net
Maximizingtennispotential.com
Raisingathleticroyalty.com
Affiliate

Gently Pushing Your Athlete

Posted on February 20, 2015 by Frank Giampaolo in Tennis Parent Education, The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt of The Tennis Parent’s Bible. Thank you for visiting, Frank Giampaolo

How do you push your child gently?

Focus on putting a positive spin in your approach as you gently guide your child through the “wars” of junior tennis.

Here are three ways you can apply your positive influence:

Say 5 Positive comments for every Negative commentThe fact is many youngsters only hear their parent’s negative comments and ignore positive comments. It is important to acknowledge your child’s efforts to improve.
SPECIAL NOTE: Here’s an eye opening or I should say “ear” opening trick. Place a recorder in your pocket. Record a few training sessions and self-chart your positive to negative remarks!
Celebrate the Positive: Reinforce what you want to see more!The following is an example of this rule. Your son’s ball toss is still too high on his serve. Instead of saying “Come on Mike…You are still tossing too high…How many stinking times do I have to tell you!” say “Hey, this is great, your toss is a lot lower. I knew you could make this easy change! Keep working and you will see your consistency really grow!” The positive approach actually gets results as you keep your relationship from getting negative and jaded.
Teach Gratitude: A more positive attitude will lead to more positive behavior.Assist your child in focusing on the good things about their life. Problems and difficulties will always be present. It is very important for your child to feel grateful about their life opportunities.
FUN FACT: There is a world of difference between “I have to play tennis today” and “I get to play tennis today.”
By showing gratitude, both of you will be calmer, happier and more appreciative of each other and others will want to be around you because of your positive attitudes.

Contact: Frank Giampaolo
FGSA@earthlink.net
www.MaximizingTennisPotential.com
Affiliate

The Laundry List

Posted on October 23, 2014 by Frank Giampaolo in Parent Player Communication

Greetings,

I am pleased to announce that my new book is soon to be released: Raising Athletic Royalty: Insights to Inspire for a Lifetime. It is your go to guide to motivating and nurturing the greatness found in your children.

LESSON: The Laundry List

Every kid was smiling and laughing walking off the game day field, except for Randy.

If you or your spouse possess this dreaded parental laundry list of failure disease, begin to replace the list of negative remarks with positive ones.

Thanks for visiting, Frank

Contact Frank: Email: fgsa@earthlink.net

Web Site: www.MaximizingTennisPotential.com

Web Site: www.tennisparentsolutions.com

Frank Giampaolo's Maximizing Tennis Potential

Tennis Training- Listening Part 4