The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
Question: Do you think feedback from coaches and parents is helpful?
Evan: Yes, I like it when they compliment me on my effort the most. But it interests me to hear all their observations. It helps me improve.
Jarrod: I typically don’t welcome feedback. I pretty much know why I won or lost. I don’t need their comments…I’m smart, remember?
By reading the initial Q & A from the twins, you can see how one’s mindset affects everything. It’s important to note that the individual’s fixed or growth mindset determines critical life development. The good news is that fixed mindsets don’t have to be permanent. Athletes are not chained to their old belief systems.
In my 30 years of working with National Champions, I’ve found that winners are the ones who choose to master their sport. Mastery stems from devoting your heart and soul, which is emotional aptitude. The beauty is that developing a growth mindset improves not only the athlete’s career but their attitude, relationships, and health.
Changing a Fixed Mindset
Ideally, every time you hear your old, pessimistic, fixed mindset making excuses for you, acknowledge that just maybe your fixed mindset is mirroring your own false insecurities, stunting your growth, and limiting your opportunities. Having a growth mindset requires a willingness to try new solutions. Below are six common scenarios that play out in the minds of many athletes. Athletes have to replace their old pessimistic thoughts with new optimistic thoughts. When the fixed mindset states something negative, the new improved growth mindset should answer with a positive solution to the problem.
Fixed-Mindset: says, “Maybe I don’t have the talent. I shouldn’t waste my time training 100%.”
Growth-Mindset: answers, “Even if lose a bit now, with a customized development plan and effort I can build the skills necessary to succeed.”
Fixed Mindset: says, “Confrontation is so intimidating and frightening. It’s scary and unsettling.”
Growth Mindset: answers, “High-performance sports are confrontational, but it’s not personal, it’s the nature of the environment.”
Fixed Mindset: says, “What if I fail… I’ll be seen by peers, friends, and family as a failure.”
Growth Mindset: answers, “Most successful athletes have failed hundreds of times throughout their career. Failure is a natural part of growth.”
Fixed Mindset: says, “If I fake an injury or don’t try, I can protect my ego and keep my dignity.”
Growth Mindset: answers, “Lying to myself is an automatic failure. Where’s the integrity in that?”
Fixed Mindset: says “If I can’t be perfect, there’s no use in trying.”
Growth Mindset: answers, “champions in every sport are simply excellent not perfect. I’ll shoot for that. Perfectionism is toxic.”
Fixed Mindset: says, “It’s not my fault. The coach doesn’t like me. My parents are pushing me…”
Growth Mindset: answers, “Solutions stem from developing life skills like taking responsibility, persistency, resiliency, and better organizational skills. What can I do to progress?”
Your voice is your choice
It’s important to note that athletes need to be accountable for their mindset, attitude, and outlook. If you feel you have a bit of a fixed mindset, listen and spot those negative voices. It takes effort and commitment to flip a fixed mindset with a new, proactive growth mindset. Congratulations are in order for those of you willing to improve your mindset.
Along the lines of mindsets, improving one’s life skills promotes a healthier, self-reliant individual. Life skills are universal stepping stones necessary to succeed in sports and life. At the heart of emotional aptitude is the ability to be self-reliant and self-disciplined, two of my favorite life skills.
Parents, if you’re hovering over your junior athlete and solving every problem for them, you’re affectionately known as a Helicopter Parent. By doing so, you’re actually stunting the growth of the essential life lesson skills you seek.
No matter the age, coping with success and failure, and managing one’s emotions are skills worth developing. The physical value of participating in sports is only the beginning. Champions take life skill development seriously. Ownership of life skills is the pathway toward developing a strong moral character. Virtues such as courage, fortitude, resiliency, and honesty define strong moral character. With these traits, an athlete has the opportunity to reach their full potential.
