Tag Archives: tennis kid

Listening to Your Player

Posted on February 19, 2019 by in Maximizing Tennis Potential, The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

(The following re-post is a top requested post!)

black_ebook_design2

LISTENING

“Listening is the missing link of communication.”

 

The ability to listen is yet another crucial tennis parental skill.  It’s in the best interest of the tennis parent to create a positive, supportive and communicative environment to maintain healthy parent/child/coach relationships. To illustrate this point, I have included a letter that was written by a teenage girl to her father.

 

Dear Dad,

What I’m about to say is hard for me. So hard I can’t seem to look you in the eyes and say what I want to say. I guess I’m afraid.

Maybe it’s best this way. Maybe you’ll listen with your eyes since you haven’t been hearing me. Maybe you just want to see what you want to see. That’s the champion you’ve been forcing me to be.

Dad, are you listening?

I know you want what’s best for me. I know you believe all the messages you’re sending will make me a better player. Dad, communication isn’t just sending messages, it’s also receiving them.

Dad, are you listening?

Look at my face, there is no joy. I’m angry all the time. I still continue to play week after week, tournament after tournament. I’m sad. No I’m miserable. Why can’t you see that? Do you notice any of this? I utter how I hate competing. I protest every single practice and yet you push me to try harder. You demand, “Be tougher Sasha, you have to aim to be perfect!” Well Dad, I’m not perfect. I just want to be normal.

Dad, are you listening?

I’m depressed and confused and feel that this life is your life, not mine! I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me but I don’t think I want to play tennis anymore.

Dad, are you listening?

Love, Sasha

 

Receiving this letter was a major blow to Sasha’s father Stan. Because Sasha and Stan were my clients, Stan immediately came to me with his drama.  He wanted to know if he should just back off? He couldn’t believe she wanted to quit after all her success and the time she had invested in the sport.

Would gently pushing your child through a difficult stage in their career/development be the right thing to do? You bet! There isn’t a single champion who didn’t have a parent or paid authority figure pushing them past their comfort zone or carrying them when they couldn’t go on.

I asked Stan to ask Sasha this question, “Would it be alright to take a one-month sabbatical?” Then, take her rackets away and hide them. Don’t even mention the word tennis to her. If she never again brings up the subject, then she is done. That means you have a normal, healthy child. Go on vacations, enjoy weekends and appreciate your family.

If the game begins to pull her back, then she’ll be engaged for all the right reasons. It’s about choices. Giving her some time to see for herself that being an average teen, playing video games, texting nonsense to her friends and hanging out at the same mall every weekend isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. She needs to see for herself that the grass isn’t always greener. She’s a great kid. She’s smart. Trust me, just let this play out.

 

By the tenth night of Sasha’s sabbatical, she was bored to tears. She came into her parent’s room and asked if they can hit a few balls tomorrow -with a new sense of purpose. Sasha went on a tear. She won two national titles in the following months.

 

Developing A Family Philosophy Toward Tennis

Posted on February 16, 2019 by in The Second Edition of The Tennis Parent's Bible

The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

IMG_080_R_WHITEDEVELOPING A FAMILY PHILOSOPHY

At the competitive level, being a tennis parent is one of the most incredibly rewarding, yet most challenging adventures you will ever undertake. Tennis parents with a clear understanding of their own family’s unique “life philosophy” are more likely to avoid drama, stress, and misunderstandings.

Asking your child to be emotionally stable under adverse conditions, if you, the parent cannot control your own anxiety, destroys the positive messages you are trying to deliver. Tennis builds character on a daily basis. I encourage you, the parents, to reinforce the same positive character traits developed through sports. This is critical in solidifying these powerful life lessons.

 

“The family’s philosophy is their basic beliefs, attitudes, and moral compass.”

 

Let’s look at a former client and take a peek into his family philosophy.

 

Medviv Terknova’s daughter, Anna was a student of mine for a short while. My coaching and life philosophy didn’t quite gel with Medviv’s family philosophy.

Medviv Terknova came from Novosibirsk City, Siberia with his 10-year-old little girl. He heard about a Russian girl named Maria Sharapova and had been following her endorsement contracts. In 2009, it rose above the $200 million dollar mark.

Medviv’s philosophy was simple. He’ll do anything to provide for his daughter Anna. Medviv left his wife Anka and two children, Provic and Zoron back in Siberia in their 800 square foot apartment. He hadn’t seen them in over a year.

Medviv changed his daughter Anna’s birth date from October 1998 to 2000 on her passport because he wanted to give her an edge in the U.S. tournament rankings. Medviv stood 5 ‘6’’ and wanted his daughter to be taller. So he had his daughter injected with experimental growth hormones to ensure that she reach a competitive height.

Medviv washed dishes and performed menial labor at his daughter’s academy in exchange for tuition. Medviv was a dictator-style parent and could be heard at every practice session screaming advice through the chain link fence. In Anna’s matches, Medviv would often applaud the opponent’s errors and quietly smirk as Anna cheated at the right times. His philosophy is that “nothing will stand in my way.”

 

Is this family philosophy right for you? I hope not!

It may be tempting for some to employ unethical tactics at the lower levels of competition to gain an advantage, but those tactics are unavailable at the higher levels. National finals, collegiate finals and/or most main draw Pro Tour events have linesman and umpires.

 

“Cheating only creates a false sense of security.”

 

Those who have relied on manipulating, cheating and gamesmanship as their primary weapons in junior tennis match play lack the essential self-confidence needed at higher level tennis. Developing your own philosophy will help you, your spouse and children to avoid unnecessary pressures. Having pre-set guidelines will assist you in the development of your child’s personal philosophy. It will also aid you in acquiring the right coaches through the different stages of your child’s development. (To learn more about gamesmanship see: Section IV Common Questions and Solutions: Competitive Dramas.)