The following post is an excerpt from the Second Edition of The Tennis Parent’s Bible NOW available through most online retailers! Click Here to Order
DEVELOPING A FAMILY PHILOSOPHY
At the competitive level, being a tennis parent is one of the most incredibly rewarding, yet most challenging adventures you will ever undertake. Tennis parents with a clear understanding of their own family’s unique “life philosophy” are more likely to avoid drama, stress, and misunderstandings.
Asking your child to be emotionally stable under adverse conditions, if you, the parent cannot control your own anxiety, destroys the positive messages you are trying to deliver. Tennis builds character on a daily basis. I encourage you, the parents, to reinforce the same positive character traits developed through sports. This is critical in solidifying these powerful life lessons.
“The family’s philosophy is their basic beliefs, attitudes, and moral compass.”
Let’s look at a former client and take a peek into his family philosophy.
Medviv Terknova’s daughter, Anna was a student of mine for a short while. My coaching and life philosophy didn’t quite gel with Medviv’s family philosophy.
Medviv Terknova came from Novosibirsk City, Siberia with his 10-year-old little girl. He heard about a Russian girl named Maria Sharapova and had been following her endorsement contracts. In 2009, it rose above the $200 million dollar mark.
Medviv’s philosophy was simple. He’ll do anything to provide for his daughter Anna. Medviv left his wife Anka and two children, Provic and Zoron back in Siberia in their 800 square foot apartment. He hadn’t seen them in over a year.
Medviv changed his daughter Anna’s birth date from October 1998 to 2000 on her passport because he wanted to give her an edge in the U.S. tournament rankings. Medviv stood 5 ‘6’’ and wanted his daughter to be taller. So he had his daughter injected with experimental growth hormones to ensure that she reach a competitive height.
Medviv washed dishes and performed menial labor at his daughter’s academy in exchange for tuition. Medviv was a dictator-style parent and could be heard at every practice session screaming advice through the chain link fence. In Anna’s matches, Medviv would often applaud the opponent’s errors and quietly smirk as Anna cheated at the right times. His philosophy is that “nothing will stand in my way.”
Is this family philosophy right for you? I hope not!
It may be tempting for some to employ unethical tactics at the lower levels of competition to gain an advantage, but those tactics are unavailable at the higher levels. National finals, collegiate finals and/or most main draw Pro Tour events have linesman and umpires.
“Cheating only creates a false sense of security.”
Those who have relied on manipulating, cheating and gamesmanship as their primary weapons in junior tennis match play lack the essential self-confidence needed at higher level tennis. Developing your own philosophy will help you, your spouse and children to avoid unnecessary pressures. Having pre-set guidelines will assist you in the development of your child’s personal philosophy. It will also aid you in acquiring the right coaches through the different stages of your child’s development. (To learn more about gamesmanship see: Section IV Common Questions and Solutions: Competitive Dramas.)
