Tag Archives: tennis

Rethinking Stress- Part 4

Posted on October 12, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

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The Antidote for Emotional Sustainability

Remaining in the right frame of mind throughout an athlete’s journey is emotional persistence. Most often, future behavior is driven by emotional reasons. This is why reminding yourself daily of the positive motivational forces is so important. Take 10 minutes each day to focus on gratitude. Simply being thankful for your environment, your possessions, your friends, family, and coaches helps keep your athletic achievements in a healthy perspective.

 

Gratitude is a quick 10 minute cleansing of the soul.

 

Studies show that meditating for 10 minutes daily with the focus on your blessings helps ward off stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. I’ve read many experts in the field of psychology encouraging us to rethink meditation. Let go of the old school image of a Tibetan monk wrapped in a red robe sitting on a mountain and replace it with a new definition, which is the thought of a daily mental, emotional cleansing.

Rethinking Stress- Part 3

Posted on October 9, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

 

How to Perform Better In High-Pressure Situations

Extraordinary athletes have all found a way to perform in high-pressure environments. One re-occurring theme in this book is that the cleanest fundamentals (in practice) are of zero value if the athlete can’t access them when they need them the most.

The solution to dealing with the high pressure of competition is to begin to re-label pressure situations. Instead of calling it a stressful time, say, “Here we go, it’s a challenging time!” Flipping a negative mental approach into a challenging positive approach provides the athlete with an attainable goal.  By making a conscious effort to replace the focus on what you DON’T want to happen (don’t choke, don’t overthink, don’t miss, and don’t lose) with positive imagery of what you Do want to happen, you will be pre-setting success.

To illustrate how your thoughts control your actions, try this old-school psychological exercise: Repeat to yourself 10 times: “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,”  “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza,” “I don’t want piping hot cheesy pizza.” After the tenth time. Close your eyes. What subconsciously enters your brain? PIZZA!

 

Often the more you try to suppress a thought, the more you strengthen it.

 

By thinking about negative thoughts before performing, we are “willing” negative results. Studies reveal that if we replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, our brain will over-ride the negative beliefs. Going into competition without positive mental imagery, such as top pattern play, allows the mind to wander. So to perform better in high-pressure situations, it is imperative for an athlete to trust their training and to fill their thoughts with positive pattern play.

Remember, stress is inherent in athletic competition. But it’s how you choose to let it control your performance that typically separates the extraordinary athletes from the rest of the field.

 

Rethinking Stress- Part 2

Posted on October 6, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

Soft Science of Tennis_3D_Cover_version5

Basic Stress Management Strategies

  • Apply physical activity to burn off excess stress hormones- go for a short run before checking in to the event.
  • Apply relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, yoga or meditation.
  • Flip the negative frame of mind with a more positive frame of mind.
  • Set aside time for non-competitive hobbies, such as playing a musical instrument or reading a motivational book.
  • Get plenty of sleep and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
  • Understand that viewing stress as a positive builds confidence.

Rethinking Stress – Part 1

Posted on October 4, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

 

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A very common view within the athletic community is that stress is the enemy in competition- the more stress felt, the worse the performance. Essentially believing that nothing good comes from stress.  But this belief couldn’t be further from the truth. Stress is actually very beneficial to the competitive athlete. Athletes who accept that stress is part of competition, are actually healthier competitors and much more likely to succeed.  How one views competition, ultimately determines the effects that stress has on their performance. In fact, on the playing fields, chasing excellence is better for your well-being than trying to avoid the stress (pain) of competition.

Let’s join up with Evan and Jarrod one last time. This time to discuss their take on the stress of competition.

 

Question: How does stress in competition effect performance?

Evan: When I feel stressed, my heart beats faster, raising my adrenaline levels and pumping more oxygen throughout my body.  I see stress as a plus- preparing me for the battle. Stress tells me it’s “GO TIME” and I focus better. Without the stress, there wouldn’t be extra hormones running through my body giving me an extra boost.

Jarrod: In the past, when I’m freaking out … My stomach hurt and I became irritable, overwhelmed and angry. All I would think about is the outcome and I panicked and choked.  I guess I chose to go that route. I used to be an
idiot …

Frank’s Tip: Stress isn’t the culprit. It’s how individuals choose to view the stress. If you’re a bit like Jarrod, it is time to apply stress management solutions to help you flip your attitude and learn to use stress to improve your performance.

 

Final thoughts on Evan and Jarrod: I had a feeling that Evan would help provide young athletes with an optimistic, solution based voice coming from their peer group. Honestly, I was very worried about Jarrod in the beginning of this process. I speculated wrongly that his narcissistic views couldn’t be swayed. As we dug deeper into the benefits of emotional aptitude, Jarrod slowly but surely changed his rigid stance and began to accept this developmental process. I couldn’t be more pleased that Jarrod is now on board.

Stop Worrying About What Others Think -Part 3

Posted on September 25, 2018 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

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Focus On Improving Yourself Versus Proving Yourself

 

  • Stop Wasting Energy Worrying About What Others Think. Others’ perception of you isn’t based on you. It’s more likely based on their fears of you overtaking them.

 

  • Realize That Rivals Are Probably Not Thinking About You Anyway. Here’s a shocker… Rivals are most likely worrying about what you’re thinking of them and not the other way around. Imaginary scenarios of what your opponent is thinking is basically a figment of your imagination and shows a lack of emotional maturity and childlike insecurities.

 

  • Remember That Strangers Don’t Really Know You. Even if your rivals form a “superficial hatred” of you, it is most likely a result of fear and jealousy rather than facts. They’re actually complicating their life by wasting energy on non-productive dramas.

 

  • Enjoy Being You. Strive to be the individual others secretly emulate and/or gossip about. The National Enquirer and other gossip magazines generate millions of dollars monthly in this practice. Be grateful that you’re viewed as a threat and that is why they’re on the attack.

 

  • Flip Your Focus From How Your Rivals Feel, To How You Should Be Feeling. Emotional aptitude requires prioritizing one’s thoughts to the moment at hand. Thinking less often trumps over-thinking about inappropriate contaminants. Letting go of judgment is an important choice that will enable athletes to perform free.

 

  • Trust Your Positive Moral Code. Do the right thing. Make the right choices. By having a solid moral code it allows you to trust your decisions. A positive strong moral code upsets rivals because it raises you above them and takes the emotional power away from them.

 

  • There’s Always Another Naysayer. Even if you cater to a naysayer and put your needs behind theirs…guess what? There is always going to be another one to take their place. Honestly, the better the athlete gets, the more the critics want their say…

 

Worrying Is a Choice

My neighbor’s golden retriever, Lacy, got out the other night. Sadly she was struck by a car. My other neighbor, Mrs. Johnson, was taking out the trash and witnessed the incident. Without hesitation, she ran into her garage, grabbed towels and immediately took charge. She called 911, then like a well-trained athlete, she went to work calming Lacy down, cleaning her cuts and broken leg until help arrived.

During her heroic mission, Mrs. Johnson didn’t worry about what others were thinking. She didn’t wonder if the bystanders thought she was doing it right. She didn’t worry about what they thought about the worn out old towels she was using. She didn’t give her old tattered housecoat or her messy hair a second thought…

The intensity of the situation motivated her to choose not to care what others might think. The story of Mr. Johnson and Lacy demonstrate that thinking about what others are thinking about … is only a choice.

 

 

Stop Worrying About What Others Think – Part 2

Posted on September 21, 2018 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

 The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order 

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Question: How did you let go of the need for approval?

Evan: I finally realized that my friends weren’t interested in helping me achieve my goals. They could care less about me. I began to understand that my parents were my number one fans- continuing to support and nurture self-belief, self-confidence, and self-reliance. I also learned to trust and respect those that were looking out for my best interest, which included my private coach.  With the support of my team, I was able to let go of looking for approval and instead commit to striving to be the best I could be both as an athlete and as a person.

Jarrod: I guess I’m finally ready to really commit to myself. My constant need for approval from those that could care less about my goals seems crazy…  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Maybe I wasn’t thinking! I’m going to make the effort to change. You said a fixed mindset personality can change to having a growth mindset, right? I am ready to forget about pleasing others and commit to my goals!

 

Constantly worrying about pleasing others takes away time and energy from improving yourself.

 

To maximizing potential you must take the leadership role in your customized developmental plan. Like Evan, it is essential to surround yourself with those that support, respect and encourage positive life skills. Athletic success requires a team that mutually respects each other and their roles. It is also important to eliminate the influence of those with a fixed mindset because improvement stems from a growth mindset.

Decisions regarding your athletic career should be based solely on the continual assessments of individual strengths and weaknesses – period!

 

The problem with approval seeking is that it holds your emotions captive. Some athletes have difficulty focusing on their own strengths because they’re constantly worrying about meeting the standards and expectations of others.

 

Stop Worrying About What Others Think- Part 1

Posted on September 18, 2018 by in Emotional Aptitude in Sports

The following post is an excerpt from Emotional Aptitude In Sports NOW available through most online retailers!  Click Here to Order

ea-in-sports4a_final

 

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

 

One of the leading causes of performance anxiety is worrying about what others think. This unproductive energy zapper is a choice and an incredibly bad choice at that! This section will prove why. Let’s call on the twins, to see how they view worrying about what others think about them.

 

Question: Does the opinion of other players, coaches and/or parents matter to you?

Evan: Well, what’s right for someone else may be completely wrong for me.  I’d rather let go of both the good and bad opinions and simply have faith in my skills. This is emotional aptitude, right Frank? Trusting your own opinions, decisions, abilities, and living on your own terms?

Jarrod: In the past I wanted the better players to like me, so I actually unknowingly tanked my matches with them. I respected them too much. I just let them win.  I wasn’t sure why. I thought if I let them win… they’d like me. Kind of crazy, right? Now after talking about this emotional aptitude stuff, I realize that the fastest way to be liked is by beating them.

 

Question: Is the need to be accepted by other athletes holding you back?

Evan: I love being part of a team, but tennis isn’t a team sport. It’s an individual sport. I let go of the need to be accepted years ago and decided it’s in my best interest to customize my training. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the socialization of group training, but if that’s all I did, I would definitely be an average player, at best!

Jarrod: When I was young and naïve, I believed the other athletes in the group when they said that the group clinic was their only training. Later, I realized that they often snuck away and did extra private lessons to secretly get ahead of the rest of us. Pretty sneaky huh?

 

Question: Is the need for peer approval holding you hostage?

Evan: When I was in junior high, I procrastinated and avoided doing what’s right for me. I also wanted everyone to like me, so I tried to blend in and not stand out.  This limited my growth opportunities because I couldn’t get better and with an average work ethic. I was exhausting trying to please the cool people.

Jarrod: I am finally seeing how emotional aptitude really is important. I used to try to do too much- never wanting to miss the fun. I would never say no. Looking back, trying to please all my non-athletic friends really hurt my development.

 

 

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 3

Posted on September 15, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

 

I Want To Be More Positive But What Do I Say?

Most parents and coaches want the very best for their children and students. However, finding the perfect words of comfort are not always easy, especially after competition. Regardless of the variations in personality profiles, parents and coaches alike need to reinforce the athlete’s efforts with sincere non-judgmental encouraging words. The following is a list of insightful statements athletes need to hear after competition:

  • I love watching you play!
  • I’m so proud of you.
  • I’m impressed by your skills.
  • I’m so grateful to be your parent.
  • You are so brave.
  • It’s so fascinating to watch you solve problems on-court.
  • You are so creative and skillful.
  • I so admire your ability to stay focused on the court.
  • It is so fun for me to watch you compete.
  • I can’t wait to hear what you think about the match.
  • I admire your courage to compete.
  • Your optimism is contagious- I love when you smile.
  • This is my favorite part of the week.
  • I love being your parent and/or coach.

Research shows that performing in the future as the Alpha competitor stems from a positive belief system.  Your words become their inner dialogue. Emotional aptitude is a learned behavior. Your child’s optimism and growth mindset should be molded daily. (Coach’s Note: Please send the above insightful list to the parents of your athletes.)

All the great coaches I’ve met have a strong need for connecting and belonging. Positive communication is vital for a happy, longstanding career. Exceptional communication builds better relationships, mutual respect, and trust which leads to success. Superior coaching is the art of changing an athlete in a non-dictatorial way.

The student-coach connection improves with effective communication via verbal and nonverbal communication channels. The following chapters will uncover several excellent recommendations for coaches and parents to immerse themselves in the art of listening.

 

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Dalai Lama

 

Sharpening Healthier Communication- Part 2

Posted on September 11, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis. Click Here to Order through Amazon

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Is state of the art instruction about the instructor’s proficiency in performing drills, or is it about the instructor’s ability to connect with their student? Communicating above or below the digestion rate of the student is ineffective. While tennis knowledge and drilling efficiency are important, I believe a master teacher connects to the student and monitors the rate at which each student digests information. As we saw with Wendy and her father, the message received within the dialog is much more than the facts.

As I researched how to sharpen my communication skills, I realized that the way in which information is presented influences the outcome. I learned to focus on communicating honestly and with authenticity, but also to consider stressing or de-stressing the learning environment based on the energy in the room.

Successfully communicating the facts is highly dependent on WHAT message is being delivered and HOW the message is being delivered. The following list offers eight techniques I recommend applying to communicate effectively:

  • Intertwine sports science facts with personal, emotional storytelling.
  • Impart humor within a conversational tone to bond the relationship.
  • Avoid a distancing style with an elitist attitude and academic language.
  • Use inclusive pronouns like “We all need to…”
  • Apply cadences, rhythms, and dramatic pauses to accentuate meaning.
  • Vary their volume from a scream to a whisper to deepen the message.
  • Pull listeners in by modifying the pace of delivery from excited and fast to dramatic and slow.
  • Match and mirror the listener to make them more comfortable.

Great communicators presenting in groups or one-on-one have developed their presentation power. Armed with a full toolbox of delivery methods, they trade in intimidating, interrogating and dictating with sharing everyday experiences to engage the audience-which is the heart of genuinely connecting.

Sharpening Healthier Communication -Part 1

Posted on September 7, 2018 by in The Soft Science of Tennis

 The following post is an excerpt from Frank’s newest book, The Soft Science of Tennis.

 

Sharpening Healthier Communication

 

It’s dinner time at the Klein’s house. Mr. Klein and his daughter Wendy spent the day at a USTA level 3 girls 16’s event. Wendy was seeded #4 in the tournament. Her 9:00 am match went terribly wrong. Wendy’s serve percentages were catastrophically low and as a result, she suffered an embarrassing first-round loss.

Later that night at the dinner table the conversation quickly escalated from small talk to another tennis-related screaming match. As they passed the potatoes, another family dinner was ruined.  Mr. Klein wished he had an instruction manual for these heated exchanges.

Psychologists researching communication offer a concept called the Four-Sides Model. The theory states that Mr. Klein’s initial comment “Honey, your serve was really off today.” exposed four possible ways Wendy could accept the data:

  • As an impersonal factual stat.
  • Insights about Mr. Klein’s feelings.
  • As a personal underlining insult towards Wendy.
  • As an appeal for improvement.

The message Mr. Klein was intentionally trying to convey isn’t necessarily what was perceived by Wendy. Mr. Klein’s statement “Honey, your serve was really off today.” led to a whirlwind of problems between him and his daughter. This, in turn, spiraled into the silent treatment from his wife because once again their family harmony was disrupted.

For Mr. Klein, the factual data and appeal for improvement were the only reason for the statement. Wendy’s interpretation of his statement was polar opposite. Wendy felt awful because she believed that she had let her parents and coaches down. She also concluded that her father’s statement about her serve implied that she was not working hard enough and that she was a failure.

 

“Communication is less about what is being said and more about how the words are decoded by the listener.”

 

As coaches and parents communicate with their athlete, the athlete’s personality profile acts as a filter as they decode the information. Some athletes are wired to accept and enjoy the analysis of cold hard facts while others are wired to overlook the facts and instead zone into the emotional climate of the conversations. Each athlete connects the dots and paints the picture they choose to hear. An individual’s personality profile determines how one communicates. (We will interpret personality profiles in greater detail in coming chapters.)